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A Family Journal
By Polly | May 12, 2008
Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.
Sometimes it gets really hard to keep track of it all. Even though we have good intentions, keeping track of your family’s memories, family goals, and great times can be hard. It isn’t an easy task to sort through hundreds to family photo’s looking for the perfect one that you can absolutely remember being taken but for the life of you can’t find. And when you have family vacation discussions documented on the not so fail proof system of sticky notes, it dawns on you that there must be a better way to capture the dreams, discussions, goals, and memories of your family life. A way that doesn’t take a lot of time and one in which it is okay to use white out and hand drawn pictures.
So if your family is anything like ours, a Family Journal may be the answer; a simple way of expressing and recording of your family’s life, dreams, and memories without a lot of fuss and most importantly without a lot of anxiety and time.
What is a Family Journal?
Simply stated, a Family Journal is an on-going diary of your family’s life. Use it to capture family outing and vacation memories, record your family goals, make notes about family discussions and plans, and capture the thoughts and feelings of yourself and growing children. Think of it as a working draft of the family photo album or scrapbook. And the best part of a Family Journal is that it is meant to be used by every family member. Parents and kids alike are encouraged to express themselves and their thoughts and memories of their family. A Family Journal isn’t meant to be something else for mom or dad to do, but rather as a way for every family member to get involved and document the things important to them.
How to Make a Family Journal
All you need to make a Family Journal is some type of journal or notebook, some pens and pencils or crayons and markers, a little glue, and enthusiasm.
Start by choosing your Family Journal. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A simple notebook from your local store will do fine, just choose one that fits your family’s personality and is big enough to work with and in. A general rule of thumb is that the smaller your kids, the bigger the Family Journal. Young kids like to draw and have large hand writing, so be sure to choose a journal that accommodates these needs.
Next, start by asking one of the kids to make the title page. Encourage them to add a family photo, draw pictures, and add their own unique style and thoughts. Also be sure to date the title page in some way, so that you can remember when it was started.
After the title page the rest of the journal is completely up to you and your family. Here are some suggestions for things to include and how to use your Family Journal.
Christmas and Birthday Wish Lists
Family Mission Statements
Family Photo’s and Notes from Vacations, Good Times, and Outings
Notes from Family Meetings
Favorite Family Recipes
Your Favorite Things
Family Chores
Ticket Stubs, Maps, Postcards, Awards, Ribbons, and Other Memorabilia
Important Dates
Pressed Flowers from Special Occasions
Use a Couple Pages as a Guest Book for Big Family Gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas
Thanksgiving Blessings
New Year Resolutions
Love Notes
How to Make the Most of Your Family Journal
Here are some tips to making the most of your Family Journal.
Make it something for everyone in the family. Let your kids express themselves in any way they see fit. A Family Journal shouldn’t be something the kids need to ask permission to use.
Keep the Family Journal displayed or stored in a prominent place so that you don’t forget to use it.
Have it handy during family meetings so that you can use it to keep notes.
Make it real not perfect.
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Should We Tell Our Kids the Truth?
By Polly | May 12, 2008
I recently had a conversation with some incredibly bright well informed loving mothers on whether or not we should tell the truth when asked some of the tough questions by our kids. Questions like, “Have you ever taken drugs?” Or, “Did you have sex before marrying dad?” Of course it is no big deal if you can honestly answer no to either one of these questions, but for those of us who can’t, it is nothing short of shear panic we feel when confronted with these questions. On the one hand, we want to protect them and not give them the impression that it is okay to try drugs or have careless sexual relations, but on the other hand you really don’t want to lie. After all, haven’t we taught them from day one the negative consequences of lying? Even punishing them when they do so? Isn’t it a little hypocritical to tell them it isn’t right to lie and then when faced with a serious question, we do just that?
To me, telling your kids the truth is one of the best things you can do for your kids and for your relationship with them. Telling your kids the truth builds trust, reinforces strong values, and most importantly validates their intuition.
Telling the Truth Builds Trust
When my oldest daughter was 4 years old, I was pregnant with our third daughter. Knowing my daughter’s thirst for knowledge and ability to ask very detailed questions, I immediately went to the bookstore looking for a good book to explain in not too much detail what it meant to have a baby. I bought the book What to Expect When Mommy’s Having a Baby because it had an honest yet simple way of explaining how babies are made. The explanation had something to do with pieces of a puzzle and the egg being one piece and the sperm being the other. I’m sure you get the idea, but to my daughter this wasn’t enough and the first question out of her 4 year old mouth was how the sperm got to the egg. At first I was shaken, but I could tell by her little face that she really wanted to know, so I told her. I kept the explanation brief and left out a lot of details, but she had enough information to understand the basics. In the weeks that followed, after she had time to process what she learned, I got a lot more questions and even though some of them were hard to answer, it made me feel good that she felt comfortable enough to come to me with these questions. She trusted me enough to know she was getting the truth. And recently when my now 11 year old had questions about drugs, she came to me. She didn’t look to her friends, TV, or the internet; she came to me because she trusted me to give her the truth. If your kids can’t trust you to tell them the truth, they will eventually give up trying and look to other places and people for the “truth.”
Telling them the Truth Builds Character
As parents we want to raise confident, well grounded, “good” kids. No parent sets out to raise kids who lie, are irresponsible, careless people. But when we aren’t truthful with our kids even occasionally, we are teaching them that it is okay to lie and worse how to rationalize their own lies to you or others in the future. The only way of raising kids with a strong character is to walk the talk as parents and as people. When we reinforce through our own actions and word the importance of telling the truth, our kids follow. Yes, they will slip up every once in a while just like all of us have done, but they will always have the foundation you built and demonstrated to lean on.
Telling Them the Truth Validates their Intuition
I was recently reading an article over at npr.org about telling kids the truth and one of the arguments put forth by the author really moved me. She said “When we are honest with children, we also validate their intuition. If we can admit that, yes, people can be mean, grandma does have a drinking problem, divorce is painful, we allow children to trust their gut. They can begin to recognize and rely on their own inner voice, which will speak to them throughout their lives.”
Children are extremely perceptive. From day one, babies can sense when new parents are worried and stressed and their sense of perception only grows stronger as they grow older. Even though they may not be able to express it in words, they do notice the darting of eyes, the worried expressions on our faces, and the muffled whispers coming from the kitchen. So when we aren’t straight with them, they know on some level that something isn’t right. And our lying to them or denying them the truth only makes them question their gut and intuition; you know that one little thing they often have to rely on when they leave the warm comfort of our homes and venture into the world on their own.
What’s a Parent to Do?
So as a parent, how do we prepare ourselves for these honest discussions? Here are some suggestions to help you have these inevitable conversations.
Talk it Over with Your Spouse - Make sure you and your husband or wife are grounded in agreement when it comes to talking to your kids about the truth and inevitable tough questions you will get. Don’t create a situation in which the kids can play parents off of one another. Create an environment in which kids can choose to seek answers from either parent, not just one.
Be Proactive - Take some time to think through your answers before you get the questions. This will help make the conversations a little less awkward. If you aren’t sure of how to answer them, talk to friends or family members to see how they have handle similar questions or read books on the subject.
Let Them Learn from Your Mistakes - If you get questions about some of your choices in life, like pre-marital sex or drugs, use the opportunity to not only be honest with your kids, but also for them to learn from your mistakes. Be prepared to share with them some of the things you have regretted about your choices as well as some of the things you learned. Help them better understand the consequences of their potential choices by letting them learn from yours.
Ask Your Kids for Time to Think - If your kids catch you completely off guard with a particular question, ask them if you can take some time to think over your response before answering them. It’s better to take some time to think through an honest answer than to answer them in haste with half truths. Use words like “I need a little time to think this question over a bit, is it okay if I get back to you later today?” Once you have had time to think over how you are going to answer, then be sure you do. Not following through with your promise only teaches them to not trust you.
In the end, the decision is yours as a parent to make. Whether you choose to be blatantly open and honest or to hold back some of the truth, your children will still grow up, dream their own dreams, and live their own lives. But will they do so in the comfort of openness and love or in the shadow of secrets and half truths? Only you can decide.
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Managing Disruptions to the Routine
By Polly | May 12, 2008
Last month in our Conquering the Chaos segment, we talked about the power of a good routine and how having one for your family can really help you and your kids feel less stressed and frustrated. But because sometimes life doesn’t always go according to plan, it is important to understand how disruptions can impact your routine and how families can adjust when they do happened. Here are four strategies to help you deal with and manage the disruptions.
Anticipate Disruptions
Sometimes the impact of disruptions can be minimized by simply anticipating them and making changes to accommodate them. For example, if your daughter has a doctor’s appointment one morning that will take you away from your morning routine and make it virtually impossible to get everything done, take some time to decide before the appointment which items can either be moved, deleted, or delegated. By taking time every day to review your family calendar or planner and looking ahead the next few days, you will quickly notice the conflicts and can take steps to make changes. For example, maybe a co-worker can handle a work assignment or a friend would be willing to swap classroom volunteer times with you. The key to making this work is to look ahead and make plans to handle the disruptions BEFORE they happen.
Set Boundaries
Block off times on your calendar or schedule for certain items. For example, only schedule regular doctor’s appointments for a certain day of the week or during a certain time period each day. Or, let your son’s teacher know that you would love to volunteer in the class but you can only make it on certain days or a specific number of times each month. By taking the time to set boundaries around your schedule, you can better manage unanticipated disruptions and maintain more control.
Communicate
Sometimes disruptions happen simply because we didn’t communicate well with our spouse or children. For example, if it is a beautiful day and you think it would be great to take a family bike ride in the evening, take some time to call your spouse and talk it over. After all, homework still needs done, baths taken, and dinner made. By talking things like this over beforehand, kids can get homework done before dinner rather than after or you can pick up take out on your way home to save time. Use the family calendar, email, family meetings, text messaging, and the good old fashioned phone to help you stay in touch and better communicate with your family.
Go with the Flow
Unfortunately there are still a lot of things in our life we can’t control and no amount of anticipating, boundary setting, and communicating will minimize the disruptions. At times like these we just need to go with the flow and focus on the most urgent demands and make the most of delegating and deferring. While keeping in mind that most unanticipated disruptions will be temporary and that the strength of your routine will help you easily get back into the groove of things once the disruption has passed.
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The Not So Perfect Family Journal
By Polly | May 12, 2008
What I Think I Know - A monthly tongue in cheek commentary of things I’ve learned (or so I think)….
At one point in my life, I had dreams of capturing all of our family’s life memories in a beautifully decorated, perfectly designed, and magnificently color coordinated scrapbook. I was going to do one for every year of our life and they would be handed down from generation to generation. Each scrapbook would capture all the most important parts of our lives as well as our hopes and dreams. They would be the epitome of the perfect family journal and my daughters would fight over who got to keep them after I died. That was my dream…
Well needless to say our first epic family journal is sitting somewhere in my basement completely unfinished. I think the year was 2002 and I maybe got a total of four pages done. It wasn’t for a lack of desire but rather a combination of my innate lack of eye for design and an overwhelming feeling they needed to be perfect.
So out of confusion and frustration, I gave up the idea of scrapbooking our lives. I continued to take photos that are proudly stored somewhere on my computer’s hard drive and I continued to save some of the more important mementos of our lives of which are safely stored in boxes in my closet.
And I was more or less happy with this solution until my daughters started finding it fun to reminisce during family dinners about all our good times. Remembering things I had completely forgotten and making me realize how some of the most seemingly trivial things like a cow spitting on Jennifer or a hen biting Katie can be so meaningful to four young girls.
And I suddenly realized we didn’t need a perfectly designed, beautifully decorated, and magnificently color coordinated scrapbook. All we needed was a not so perfect family journal to capture the thoughts and memories of four little girls who had a much deeper appreciation for our history than I ever realized. And so our family journal was born. We don’t do any cropping, or use special cardstock and stickers. We just glue, write, and draw from the heart.
Remember, it always the little things.
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New Family Calendars and Mom Planners
By Polly | May 11, 2008
Great news! The 2009 Mom’s Plan It Calendars are in and available to ship (the Mom’s Super-Sized is only available for pre-ordering). Thanks everyone for your patience. We have even added a new style this year, the Mom’s Super-Sized Plan It Calendar. It is perfect for families with more than 3 kids.
We are also very excited to add the momAgenda family of planners to our product line. Their sleek chic design is perfect for mom’s who like a well desinged planner that makes a statement too!
Save 10% on every order with the coupon code mayflowers. Offer expires June 10, 2008.
One of our best sellers, the Mom’s Plan It Calendar is back as well as the Mom’s Plan It Engagement Calendar, and the Mom’s Plan It Pocket Planner.
For mom’s who are looking for a stylish alternative to their current planner, the momAgenda Desktop and momAgenda Mini planners are the perfect solution. Each of these styles come in three great stain resistant colors and are also available to purchse with the stylish momAgenda Mini Clips, momAgenda Note Pads, and the Weekly Family Planner.
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Ten Things You Can Get Done in 15 Minutes
By Polly | April 30, 2008
Got a spare 15 minutes? Here are 10 quick things you can do in 15 minutes that make you feel like you have accomplished something.
Check in with your kids or spouse. Take time to hug and tell them you love them.
Clean out a small drawer
Update your family calendar
Fill out and sign a permission slip
Make coffee for the next day
Empty the dishwasher
Feed a pet
Set the table
Get and sort through the mail
Leave an unexpected love note
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Creative Ways of Finding Money for Your Family Vacation Jar
By Polly | April 28, 2008
Now that we have our Family Vacation Jar decorated and sitting proudly in the middle of our fireplace mantle, we are looking for some creative ways of adding money to our jar on a semi-regular basis. Here is what we have come up with so far:
Dad’s Pockets - If your home is anything like ours, my husband routinely leaves his spare change sitting on the dresser. Now rather than have it sit there collecting dust, we scoop it up and place it in our vacation jar.
Seat Cushions - Inevitably change will fall out of someone’s pocket while relaxing on the couch, so we have found underneath the seat cushions a great place to look. The washer and dryer are also a great place to look.
Bottom of Mom’s Purse - When switching over purses this spring, clean out all of the spare change that has fallen to the bottom.
Bottle Returns - If you live in a state with deposits on pop bottles, return them to the store and use the deposit return for your vaction jar.
Ice Cream or Lemonade Stand - Got bored kids this summer? Then let them set up a lemonade or ice cream stand and use the profits to fund the jar.
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Creating a House Cleaning Schedule
By Polly | April 23, 2008
The key to keeping house cleaning from overrunning your family life is to create a plan consistent with your housecleaning philosophy and stick to it. As with any new plan or change there will be bumps along the way, so don’t be afraid to fine tune it as you go along or change it as your schedule changes.
How to Start
Begin by making a master list of all your house cleaning chores. After you have made your master list, go through the list and indicate whether they should be done on a weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, quarterly, semi-annually, or annually time basis.
After you have your master list complete, go through and clean it up by writing it on a house cleaning schedule. You can use one of ours, create your own to suit your own tastes and style, or try using an online chore organizer like MyChores to help get you organized.
House Cleaning Schedule - PDF Format
House Cleaning Schedule - Word Format
After you have a clean copy of your house cleaning schedule, print off a copy to keep in your Kitchen Folio or attached to your refrigerator and bulletin board.
Also, be sure to add the chores to your family calendar or planner as well as to your daily routines.
Tips to Make House Cleaning Easier
Get the entire family involved in the house cleaning by assigning age appropriate chores to kids and consider paying them a weekly allowance.
Avoid adding a lot of cleaning to the days when you have a lot of appointments or errands.
Keep it flexible - be willing to move things around a bit to fit in last minute requests from the kids or work or the school
Don’t save everything for one day of the week. Do a little bit every day so that you don’t become overwhelmed. It is much easier to find a free 30 minutes here or there rather than a 2 or 3 hour block of time to clean the house.
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House Cleaning - The Thorn in Every Family’s Side
By Polly | April 22, 2008
Our house cleaning philosophy here at Families with Purpose is simple - clean it to your standards, minimize the distraction it takes on your family life, and don’t beat yourself up when it doesn’t get done. And with this philosophy in mind you won’t find us spending a lot of time writing about how to clean your house. We would much rather write about creating an authentic family life for yourself and children than how to clean your house. We will leave the nitty gritty of cleaning up to the experts like FlyLady, Real Simple, and Organized Home. They can teach you much more about cleaning than we ever could and really are the experts.
So if you haven’t deserted us for one of the cleaning experts, here are the details behind our house cleaning philosophy. Tomorrow we will talk more specifically about how you can create your own house cleaning plan.
Clean It to Your Standards - Just like everyone has a different tolerance for pain, everyone has a different tolerance for a dirty house. Some of us won’t be satisfied if we aren’t Martha Stewart clean while others go through life just fine being pleasantly blind to the 1 inch covering of dust on the furniture. The point is to be honest with yourself about what is important to you (not your mother! ) and what in reality you can accomplish. After you have determined what a realistic standard is for yourself and family, accept it and find peace with that standard.
Minimize the Distraction it Takes on Your Family - We have talked in the past about the peace in having a plan, and establishing a house cleaning plan is no different. Just knowing that you have a plan to get the cleaning done brings a lot of comfort to any busy parent. The key to any house cleaning plan though is in finding that delicate balance between having a clean house and getting it done without sacrificing too much family harmony. Your plan has to be robust enough so that the kids aren’t embarrassed to bring over their friends, but not so over the top that you have no time for fun. You want your house cleaning plan such that you find yourself saying yes more often than no to last minute requests for a game of Family Fun or fun bike rides around the neighborhood.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up When It Doesn’t Get Done - The reality of life is that everything on our do list is not going to get done. There will be days when house cleaning will take a backseat to late work nights, science fair projects, and Little League baseball games and THAT IS OKAY. After all, how do you want your kids to remember you? As a parent who was always cleaning or a parent who made it to every game? You decide and remember the little things really do matter.
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Family Fitness Challenge
By Polly | April 17, 2008
Exercise has never been at the top of my list of fun things to do and I do whatever I can to not fit it into my schedule. My husband has a slightly more positive outlook and manages to fit in weekly volleyball games, bike rides in warm weather, and an occasional workout on our home exercise equipment. And if it weren’t for the really comfortable overstuffed chair that always seems to call his name, he would be more active as well. If we didn’t have kids we would maybe be more accepting of our sedentary lifestyle and feel a lot less pressure to exercise and stay fit, but because we believe in walking the talk with our kids we are forced into making honest attempts at exercise and eating healthy.
So to give ourselves a boost of enthusiasm, we have implemented the Family Fitness Challenge this spring. It is our simple little way of teaching the kids about eating healthy and exercising as well as fitting in some fun quality family time as well.
Simply stated, a Family Fitness Challenge is an exercise and healthy habit plan we came up with together to try and make healthier choices. We have established a few goals and will track our progress over the spring and summer months with occasional rewards thrown in along the way. Here is our fitness challenge for this spring:
Eat 3 healthy meals 6 days a week
Exercise 3 times a week one of which has to be as a family
Eat only 2 junky snacks a day
Eat only 1 sugary cereal 1 day a week
So if you are like us and are looking for some creative ways to get your family moving here are some tips and suggestions to help you get your Family Fitness Challenge going:
Make your goals as a family, asking one of the older children to write them down.
Make your fitness goals realistic. It is better to start small and then build up rather than set them too high and fail. Be mindful of your family’s schedule, routines, and personality while writing your fitness goals. Make your fitness goals fit your family rather than forcing your family to fit your goals.
If your family fitness goals include cutting back on junk food, you may have to consider thinking through and defining as a family what is and isn’t junk food as well as appropriate serving sizes.
Use a fitness chart to track your progress and let your kids take turns handing out the gold stars. You can create your own or use our template.
Family Fitness Challenge Progress Chart - PDF Version
Build in rewards along the way. For example, a possible reward may be a night at the movies after 4 weeks of consistently meeting your goals.
Don’t set weight goals for your kids. Keep the goals focused on fun, eating healthy, and exercise.
For more complex goals, consider using a fitness notebook to help keep track of your progress.
Good luck!
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