Similar to allowance, managing chores in my home has been a learning process for me.  I have tried many different ways of assigning and managing chores and have finally found an approach that works best for my family.  Here is what we do to manage chores in our home.

Chores are no longer called chores, but rather family commitments

This is an idea I picked up from Amy McCready over at Positive Parenting Solutions and I love how referring to chores as family commitments puts the focus on how each member is responsible for contributing to the family.  It puts the emphasis on “we” rather than “me”.  It is just a little change that I think really has helped us.

We use one central chart to keep track of all the family commitments for the day

For us, a simple dry erase board works best.  It hangs on the backside of the basement door where everyone can see it.  Each family member can see their own family commitments as well as the family commitments of other family members.  When they are done with their family commitments for the day, they are allowed to cross it off their list.  The act of crossing it off I think helps reinforce a sense of accomplishment and it easily communicates to me when their family commitments are done, so that I don’t have to continually ask. Here is what our family commitment chart looks like

Every day each family member has one regular family commitment they are responsible for completing.  For us, Jennifer is responsible for bringing in the mail, Katie takes out the recyclables, Grace puts away the clean silverware, and Lilly sets the table.  In addition to their regular daily family commitments I also assign additional family commitments.  I use these additional family commitments to break down bigger jobs (i.e. cleaning their bathroom) into four smaller jobs.  Or in the spring or fall when there is a lot of outside work to be done, they will each get one job to help.  I try and mix it up a little so that they have variety and so that one kid doesn’t always get stuck with the same job.

I make family commitments a personal priority

Over the years I have found that to make family commitments work, they have to be a priority for my husband and myself.  If we as the parents don’t make it a priority to assign family commitments and make sure they get done, the girls are much less likely to willingly take on anything around the house to help.  For some reason the dirty bathroom sinks and 6 inches of dust, just don’t seem to bother them….  So to make sure that I stay consistent with the family commitments, I have included updating and checking the family commitment board in both my morning and evening routines.  I use Remember the Milk to keep track of my morning and evening routines and each morning I have a task to Update the Family Commitment Chart and each evening I have a task to Check the Family Commitment Chart to make sure they are done.  This is basically how I force myself to make family commitments a priority for both myself and the kids.

I assign family commitments based on our schedule

I have learned over the years that it is best to only assign family commitments that can realistically get done each day.  In the past, I assigned family commitments without thinking through how busy our schedule was for the day or whether or not I would have the time to enforce that they get done. This resulted in having many days where the family commitments didn’t get done because we were too busy.  And when you have a lot of family commitments assigned that can’t or don’t get done, kids stop taking the family commitments seriously.  So now I only add things to the list that I know we can get done and that I (or my husband) have the time to make sure get done.  Some days there is nothing on the family commitment chart and other days there are a lot of things.

There is less complaining

Now that we have been managing family commitments this way for a year or so, I would definitely say there is less complaining about family commitments.  They still don’t like having to do them and they really don’t like all the outside work that needs done in the spring, but for the most part they know what to expect and get them done.  Family commitments have become a regular part of our routine and family life and in the end it just makes things easier.

So this is how we manage family commitments in our home.  How do you manage yours?

In last week’s newsletter, I talked about how I manage allowance for my two youngest kids (ages 8 and 11), so this week I wanted to share how I manage allowance for my two teenagers (ages 16 and 14).  The basic premise of the system I use for the teenagers is similar to the system I use for the two youngest – give them a fixed allowance, make them divide it up between saving, giving and spending, and give them a lot of control over how they spend it.

What are we hoping to accomplish?

When my husband and I were discussing the allowance system for the two teenagers we talked a lot about what our goal was for the system.  For the two youngest, our goals were primarily to teach them the importance of saving and giving and to help them learn skills to manage their spending.  The goals for the two teenagers were the same except that we really wanted them to have a better sense of what it actually cost to live on their own before they actually left home.  We wanted to teach them the skills for budgeting and planning while they stilled lived at home so that we could coach them through some of the issues and obstacles we knew they would face after they left home and had to manage their own money.  So our goal was to make their allowance system as real world as possible.

What the allowance system looks like for the teenagers

• Each month the girls get a set allowance from us.  They get paid once a month on the same day as our payday.  If they need money between paydays they have to wait until they get paid each month.  We haven’t encouraged the loan from mom and dad concept and they haven’t asked for it.
• Just like the two youngest they have to divide their allowance between saving for college, giving, and spending.  Their father and I set the minimum percentages that they had to save and give.  And just like the two younger kids, allowance is not tied to family commitments (aka chores).
• The allowance is set so that they have to pay for all of their entertainment, clothes, and other expenses (including cell phone data plans).  So this means if they want to go to a movie with friends, they need to fund it on their own.  Need new clothes for school?  They need to fund it.
• They have total control how they use their spending money.  Their father and I made the agreement with them when we first adopted the system that we wouldn’t judge or tell them how to spend their money.
• Their father and I still do help them for large expenses such as class trips and homecoming dances, but we still expect them to contribute to some of the costs.  For example, my daughter Katie is going to New York City this spring for a journalism conference with the high school newspaper.  They were told they would need to have $300 for spending money (food, transportation, fun, etc.).  So her father and I are paying for half of the $300 and all of the cost of the trip (hotel, air, transportation, etc.) and she needs to come up with the other half ($150) of the spending money.
• There is no division between short-term and long-term savings.  All of the mandatory savings is for college and any short-term savings they want to do they have manage out of their spending money.  My one daughter is saving for a new computer and is using her spending money to do this.
• They each have their own joint checking account with me.  They have a debit card that they can use to get money out of the ATM’s or to make purchases at stores.  As of now they do not have checks, but we will implement that later on.
• I have alerts set on the account to notify me whenever their balance or withdrawal exceeds a certain level.  As of yet, I have not received any alerts.
• Each month on payday, I prepare financial summaries like these to show them how much they spent, saved, and gave and how much money they have left.

• They have complete control how they manage their giving money, but they are not allowed to use the savings for anything other than college.

Some things I have learned

We have been using this allowance system for about a year and a half now and here are some things we have learned.

• At first they weren’t too excited about this new system.  I think they viewed it as us taking something away or they weren’t too sure the allowance we were giving was going to be enough…. So rather than force it down their throats, we discussed it before hand, negotiated the allowance and the rules and told them that we would be open to changes and further discussions if they or we felt there were things that needed changed.  We have kept our word, have made some tweaks along the way, and I think they would tell you that they are pretty happy with the new system (though they would probably tell you they wouldn’t mind having a bigger allowance).
• Be careful how big allowance you give them.  You want to set it just big enough that it gives them enough experience with really managing money, but not so big that it is too easy for them or they have no motivation to pick up part-time jobs.  Both my girls supplement their allowance with babysitting and some dog walking and when they get a little older they will probably start looking to pick up a part-time job in a restaurant or store.
• Hold back on buying them expensive gifts (even if you can afford it), so that they have something to work towards.  If they get everything they want for their birthday or the holidays, they will have no incentive to save for it on their own.
• Uses the allowance system to teach and guide them not control them.  They will resent the control and subsequently tune out the wisdom if you make the system about control.
• Don’t get preachy about how they should be managing their money.  Teenagers hate parent lectures and the best way for them to really learn is by making mistakes.
• It can be really hard at times to keep our agreement not to judge or give advice about how they should spend their money, but we try hard not to give any unsolicited advice.
• Even though I try hard not to give them advice about how they should spend their money, I still continue to give them reminders about things they should be thinking about.  For example, if we are planning a vacation, I will begin reminding them a few months in advance to make sure they have enough money to take with them.
• Kids are really generous.  They love helping others and it makes them feel good.  Managing the giving aspect has been really easy.
• The system takes time for the parents.  I probably have to spend about an hour each month, transferring their money to their account and creating their financial summaries, but I think the effort is worth it.

So that is pretty much how we manage allowance for our teenagers.  Overall the experience has been great and I think the girls are learning a lot.  What do you think and how do you manage allowance for your teenagers?  Leave your ideas, thoughts, and suggestions in the comments below.

A note about this post.  I only use this system with my two youngest kids (ages 11 and 8).  I use a similar but slighty different system for my two teenagers.  I will write about that system in a later post.

A while back, I adopted a new allowance strategy for my two youngest kids (ages 11 and 8). It is based on this philosophy here and I think it has been a great learning experience for the girls.

The old system

When my two oldest were young, I used an allowance system very similar to the system that my parents used when I was growing up.  I gave my kids a list of regular chores and only paid them an allowance if they completed the chores.  As the number and complexity of the chores grew so did the allowance.  I also required that each child save 10% for college and put 10% into the giving box.  If they didn’t do their chores they didn’t receive an allowance.

What didn’t work about the old system

Let me just start off by saying that I really don’t have any big objection to paying kids for chores.  Frankly it worked fine for me growing up, helped reinforce the strong work ethic that was important in our home, and helped me learn how to manage money.  And I really didn’t consider the alternative of splitting chores and money management until relatively recently when I sat in on a teleconference on chores and allowance.  I made the switch in part because I REALLY liked the idea of changing our mindset from chores to family commitments and because the system I was using really wasn’t working anyway.  I had nothing to lose by giving something new a try.

The system of assigning chores and paying allowance for the chores wasn’t working in part because I was not consistent in making sure the chores got done nor was I consistent in actually paying the allowance.  My daughters would tell you the system didn’t work because I didn’t pay enough….

I also didn’t give the girls any alternatives to saving for anything other than college and for how their giving money should be used.  Now with the new system they have more control over what they save for and for how their giving money is used.

How the new allowance system works

In our new system, family commitments (aka chores) and allowance are no longer tied together.  The two youngest girls get paid $20 once a month and have to divide their allowance up as follows:

20% – Giving

20% – College Savings

30% – Short Term Savings

30% – Spending Cash

We use the same binder technique that Bill was talking about in the video with the exception that they do not keep their spending money in the binder.  They keep their spending money in their wallets so that they don’t’ forget it if we go out and to make it just easier to grab and go.  This is how our binder looks:

I try hard not to make judgments about what they use their spending money for, but I do offer advice from time to time.  They also have much more say in how they use their giving money, but if I see an opportunity for them to use it, I will suggest it.  Every few months we take the college savings money and put it in the bank.  I then put the receipt with their savings balance in their clear college savings folder.  I also encourage them to use the short term savings to help them save for and budget for Christmas gift shopping.

Some things I have learned

Now that we have been using this approach for a few months and have worked out most of the kinks here are some of the things I have learned.

• Establish ground rules for what you will pay for and what you expect them to pay for out of their spending money.  For example, if we go to the movie I will buy the ticket but they have to use their own spending money to buy snacks.
• The visual way of sorting and storing the money really does help!  I included both the dollar amount and % on each clear folder so that they can get experience working with percentages, and I really do think they stop and think now how to spend and manage their money.
• Decide how you will handle gifts of money from relatives and be clear upfront about the policy.  Our general rule is that they have to split the money between college and short term savings.
• Hold back on buying kids expensive gifts (even if you can afford it), so that they have something to work for and use their short-term savings on.  If they get everything they want for their birthday or the holidays, they will have no incentive to save short-term.
• I haven’t noticed any decreased or increased motivation to do family commitments (they still hate them).
• Be consistent in giving them the allowance!  Whether you add reminders to your calendar or tasks to your list, but just make sure you remember to pay them on the agreed to schedule.
• Consider setting family goals each year for community service and giving back to the community.  Let your kids use their own giving money to contribute to the family goal.

Teaching kids how to manage money is a really important thing we as parents need to do, but there are MANY different ways to do it.  How do you teach your kids about money?