MOM Mom mom

For parents, but also anyone who like a good laugh  because they know other parents.

BIRTH  ORDER

• 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your  OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

• 2nd baby: You wear your regular  clothes for as long as possible.

• 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes  ARE your regular  clothes

Preparing  for the Birth:

• 1st baby: You practice your breathing  religiously.

• 2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that  last time,breathing didn’t do a thing.

• 3rd baby: You ask for an  epidural in your eighth  month.

The  Layette:

• 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little  bureau.

• 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean  and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

• 3rd baby:  Boys can wear pink, can’t  they?

Worries:

• 1st  baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up  the baby.

• 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to  wake your firstborn.

• 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how  to rewind the  mechanical swing.

Pacifier:

• 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

• 2nd baby: When the  pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.

• 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it  back  in.

Diapering:

• 1st  baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it  or not.

• 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.

• 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their  knees.

Activities:

• 1st  baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

• 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby  Gymnastics.

• 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out:

• 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a  sitter, you call home five times.

• 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be  reached.

• 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At  Home:

• 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

• 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

• 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

• 1st child: When first child swallows a  coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

• 2nd  child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.

• 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

Pass this on to everyone you know who has children . . .or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children.

(The older the mother, the  funnier this is!)

GRANDCHILDREN — God’s reward for allowing your children to live.

Does This Make You Feel Old?

Okay, this really doesn’t have anything to do with family life other than to make parents feel very old. Enjoy! Evolution of Dance