Getting Organized for the New Year

Question: My family life is so hectic. It seems like we are always running and never have time to just relax. We really want to get better control of our lives, but don’t know where to start.

I hear you….with 4 kids and a job I can definitely relate. Try these small but important steps to ease the chaos in the coming year.

Clean your Schedule – Start by making a master list of every family member’s obligations including school, work (both inside and outside commitments), extra-curricular activities, church, family (i.e. aging parents), and charity work. Then go through the list and dump the ones not mandatory and which don’t bring you or family members happiness. Note: This may require you to have some uncomfortable conversations, make hard decisions, or tell some people no. But trust me when I say you will feel better after your schedule is cleared.

Schedule Do Nothing Days - A Do Nothing Day is where the family literally goes no where and has no guests. They simply hang out at home either getting things done around the house or just simply laying on the couch all day in their pajamas. Begin by scheduling yours at least monthly on your family calendar. If possible schedule it weekly or bi-weekly, but make sure it is at least monthly. These days are really important for re-fueling, so be sure to get them scheduled. Be strong and protect these days like they were gold!

Get Honest About Your Family Finances – Nothing is more draining or stressful than worrying about money. Start the new year fresh by taking the time to get honest about where your family is financially. Not sure where to start or how to get control? Think about using a journal to record your family budget and track expenses or reading Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover to get you started.

Establish a Routine – Discuss as a family what worked and didn’t work about your family’s schedule last year. When did it seem most stressed? Were there things you could have done differently? Work out a new routine to try and relieve some of the problems from last year and WRITE IT DOWN.

Setting Family Goals

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality. 

“I want to lose ten pounds.” “I am finally going to finish my degree.” “I am going to go to the gym three days a week.”Do these New Year resolutions sound familiar? We spend a lot of time in life setting personal goals for ourselves in hopes of making our lives happier, healthier, and better, but how often do we set them for our family? How often do we take the time to reflect on the things in our family life that need improved or accomplished? Families with purpose are families who take the time to talk about and plan for their dreams as a family. They dare to dream as a family about taking a fun vacation, spending more time together, volunteering more of their time, or overcoming obstacles at school. And once the dreams have been formed, families with purpose work together to make their dreams a reality.

Why Bother?
Now before you heave that big sigh of exhaustion, just hear me out. I fully realize keeping up with personal goals and resolutions is hard enough and just the thought of adding one more goal or exercise to your list is daunting not to mention exhausting. But there are many good reasons to make it a point of your busy lives to nurture the practice of dreaming and goal setting within your family.

First, goals help set priorities. When set correctly, family goals have a way of quietly dictating the priorities in your life. Secondly, setting family goals teaches kids how to set personal goals and follow through in achieving them. Thirdly, setting goals and establishing a plan in and of itself is a huge stress relief. There is tremendous peace and comfort in having a plan and knowing you aren’t alone in the success of the plan.

How Do We Get Started
Okay, now that I have convinced you, let’s get started.

Planning Ahead
First, start by picking a time when everyone is available and when they won’t be distracted. For example, picking a Sunday afternoon while your husband is trying to watch a football game would not be a good choice. Take a look at your family calendar and the rhythm of your week to pick a time that will be best. No time will be perfect, so don’t get hung up on trying to find it. It doesn’t exist. Add it to your family calendar.

Second, if you are married, talk privately with your spouse before trying to take this on. You can start by emailing them the link to this article and getting their thoughts and concerns. Getting your spouse on board beforehand will make it easier when discussing it with the kids. Kids can sense when parents are disconnected.

Third, gather up any supplies you may need. Begin by printing off the free goal setting chart and gathering pens and pencils. Also, be sure to have a notepad handy. If your family is large, you may want to make extra copies of the goal setting chart or purchase a table top flip chart (kids LOVE writing on these) at your local office supply store.

Fourth, start giving some thought to possible goals you believe are important. It will help to have specific examples when explaining it to the kids.

Setting Your Goals
When deciding on your family goals keep in mind some important elements that every goal should have in order to ensure they are successful.

Family goals should be kept simple. Save the more complex goals for personal goals or goals just between you and your spouse. Kids will get lost if you try and over think them or make them too complicated.

Make sure the goals reflect the entire family. Goals shouldn’t just be about the kids or just about the parents. They should encompass everyone and at least one of them should reflect the family as a whole.

Make the goals measurable. Avoid setting goals that are difficult to measure success. Goals like “getting better grades” are nice goals, but not necessarily easy to track success. Instead, try setting a goal like “getting all B’s and A’s on ALL my report cards” would be a better choice because you can clearly and easily track the results.

When sitting down with your family, begin by explaining what a family goal is to the kids. Simply put, family goals are something families aim for or strive for together as a family. To help their understanding, offer a couple of examples.

Once everyone has a good understanding of family goals, it is time to begin creating them. Begin by having everyone throw out ideas and writing them down on your notepad. No idea is a bad idea. The goal at first is just to list them. If they are having trouble coming up with ideas use these thought starters to get them going.

What new place would we like to visit or see this year?
What new things would we like to learn this year?
What one thing can and should we change about our family life?
What challenges do we want to overcome this year?

Once you have all the thoughts down on paper, begin by narrowing the list down to just 3 or 4. Use the criteria we discussed above to choose only the most important goals. Refine them if you have to make them measurable.

After you have chosen your final 3 or 4, record them on the goal setting chart and begin discussing specific steps towards achieving the goals. Writing the goals down is not enough. You have to take the time to make sure you clearly know how to achieve them. Be sure to get everyone involved in delivering results. Record the specific action steps on your goal setting form and hang the goal form in a central location where everyone can see them.

Schedule on your family calendar a time in the future to sit down and review your progress.

Some Things to Keep in Mind
Don’t rush through this process. Depending on the ages of your kids, craziness of your schedules, and the number of ideas you come up with it may take a couple of family meetings to get this completed. AND THAT IS OKAY. There is nothing that says you have to have all your goals set by January 1st. Frankly, for most families that just isn’t realistic anyway. Take your time and think them through. Make sure they are do-able and embraced by everyone.

If you have young children that aren’t old enough to grasp the concepts, don’t let that hold you back. Put the kids to bed and spend time setting the goals with your spouse or if you are a single parent, by yourself. It is never too early to begin the good habit of setting goals for your family.

Good Luck!

Family Goal Setting Chart

Recording and tracking your family goals is a big part of ensuring success. To help, try using a family goal setting chart (this is in a pdf format) to help keep you focused. Personalize it with family photos or images cut from magazines to give it a more inspirational feel.

Have you set any parenting goals for 2008?

by Barbara Beccari

The New Year is a time for people to take stock and to make plans for the coming year. People often set personal or business goals but how about considering what you would like your goal as a parent to be for 2008? What do you want to achieve in your relationship with your child this year? What would you like to be doing more of with your child? What would you like to be doing less?

As our children grow and develop it is never too late to reassess our way of being with them and to make changes towards having an even more loving and fulfilling relationship, while letting go of control and allowing them to develop responsibility and independence. Here are seven ways to improve your relationship with your child, be they a youngster or a teenager. Perhaps some of these may help you to set your own parenting goal for the coming year.

1. Think about respecting your child more. What are their qualities that shine for you? Tell them about them.

2. Consider how well you listen to your child. Do you stop what you are doing and look at them when they are talking to you? Do you allow them to express their opinion without interrupting or taking over from them?

3. Reflect on how well you understand and know your child. Do you know what their favourite song or movie is, for example? Do you listen to them deeply and encourage them to share their feelings?

4. Think about how you show your child you appreciate them. Do you tell them? Do you spend time with them or give them hugs? Do you very occasionally give them a little something with no strings attached?

5. Consider how you are supporting your child. Are you offering age-appropriate support for their physical, emotional, intellectual, financial and spiritual development?

6. What are your current ways of encouraging responsibility in your child? Are you increasing opportunities for them to do things on their own as they get older? Do you encourage your child to try new things and learn from their mistakes, putting more emphasis on their effort rather than success?

7. Reflect upon your child’s independence. As they develop how are you ensuring they gain independence from you? Are you letting them go gradually as they get older?
Perhaps your goal as a parent for this year may be to keep on learning. This truly is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children — to continually learn more about them as they grow and change as well as to learn to keep pace with our parenting role. Some suggestions to consider may be reading a parenting book or two this year, keeping up to date about drugs if you have a teenager, or attending a parent-coaching workshop — a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow as well as be with other parents.

Whatever you choose for your own parenting goal for this year — one thing is certain — that because you care enough to think and plan your parenting, your child will definitely benefit.
All the best for your parenting in 2008 — may it be a year of loving and close connection between you and your child.

Barbara Beccari M.Ed, is co-author of a beautiful children’s picture book about respectful relationships. She is co-founder of parentSCOPE, a parent-coaching business acknowledged for its innovation. parentSCOPE supports parents to have loving and close relationships with their children, from toddlers to teens. Check us out on http://www.parentscope.com.au to find out more.