Parent Leadership- Learning to Lead with Love

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Parent Leadership- Learning to Lead with Love

By Polly | March 6, 2008

A family with purpose is a family who acknowledges their problems and who work together for resolutions. They deal with their problems and issues with open communication and with confidence.

When our oldest son was small, he often kept his room a mess. If I blew my stack and started yelling about what a pigsty his room was, my son would literally freeze. He couldn’t do a thing. The more I scolded, the more immobilized he became.

Eventually, I wised up and realized the poor child didn’t know where to begin. It was all too overwhelming. So I got in the room with him, held up a plastic bag and said, “First let’s pick up garbage.” After the garbage was gone, we’d sort clothes. Next we’d pick up blocks, then find the action figures, and so forth. Not only did the room get cleaned faster, but also the process fostered a spirit of unity as we worked together on a task. Once the room was clean, we’d stand back together and bask in the cleanliness of the room. We’d congratulate each other on a job well done and feel a measure of joy in having accomplished something significant together.

Now, as a young man of eighteen, my son and I still work together on projects. He’s helped me patch water lines, herd goats, and repair things around the house. He’s become quite a skilled worker, and there’s a bond between us that is absolutely priceless to me.

It’s scary to think what would have happened had I done nothing but criticize and scold. What if I had never praised him on his efforts? What if I had never fostered those talents in embryo that I could see in him? What if I’d never stepped in that room to work alongside him? Would he be the confident and talented young man he is today? Would he ever have learned how to break down overwhelming tasks? Would he have ever experienced the immense joy and satisfaction to be found in a job well done? Most of all, would we be as close as we are today?
I certainly don’t claim to be an ideal mother, nor do I claim to always react in this way toward others. But “when I grow up” I’d really like to be a person who unfailingly builds others up, helping them become the best they can be. That’s what true leaders do.

February is National Parent Leadership Month and so I asked author and parenting coach, Sarah Newton www.SarahNewton.com to share some tips about how parents can better lead their children with love. She said, “As leaders we must stop trying to do what is easy with our children and start to do what is right. It is so easy for us to control, blame, shout and ground children when they don’t do what we want or what we say. It is far more difficult for us to concentrate on the relationship and ensure all our actions are actions from love. When something goes wrong with our teenagers we must stop trying to fix it and start to work on a loving and caring relationship instead.”

Sarah gives the following five steps to support you in becoming a leader for your child.

1. Start with an end in mind - any great leader knows where you are going and where the final destination is. What is the vision for your child and your relationship with them? What is your purpose as a parent? What are you here to do?

2. See every challenge as an opportunity to learn - stop seeing problems and view everything as an opportunity, an opportunity for you and your child to learn and grow. When a sticky situation comes along don’t look at how you can fix the problem, but ask what you can all learn and what you can put in place to ensure it does not happen again.

3. Focus on the relationship - your children are not robots. They will not do as they are told all of the time, if any. They cannot be measured by what they do or what they don’t do or what grade they get or don’t get. If you focus on your relationship with them, then you will not go far wrong. Before every action, ask yourself if what you are about to do will move you closer to or further away from your child; if its further away, then don’t do it. Choose to only do things that move you closer to them and work on the relationship.

4. Build them up - ensure that you focus on what is great about your child and not what is weak. Choose to build them up and not knock them down. Tell them daily what qualities you respect about them and how great they are. When they do something that’s not so great, just work with them to find solutions that focus on their strengths. We become what people tell us we are, so if you spent your time concentrating on their weaknesses, then they may become them. Concentrate daily on their strengths and bingo, they will fly!

5. “To be excellent parents, first be an excellent person” - I love this one from the book Family Wisdom by Robin Sharman. To be a great parent you must be a great person first. So take a look at yourself. Where could you improve to become a leader in your life? What kind of role model are you for your children? What kind of leader are you? What could you change to become an excellent person and, in turn, an excellent parent?

Find more parenting tips including Sarah Newton’s book, “Help! My Teenager Is an Alien: The Everyday Situation Guide for Parents” at www.SarahNewton.com.

Marnie Pehrson, a mother of 6, has been highlighting truth and talent for nearly 20 years. Whether it’s writing a novel that spotlights individuals who’ve made a difference in the world or helping a talented entrepreneur create a platform for his life’s work, or conducting a workshop on how to live by faith so you can let your own light shine, Marnie underscores truth and talent in innovative and compelling ways. She is the creator of www.IdeaMarketers.com and other sites that help people promote their products and services online. For more information on her various projects and books, visit http://www.pwgroup.com.

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