Anticipating Disruptions to the Daily Routine

There are some days and weeks when I feel like I have gotten nothing done which I know isn’t the case because with four kids, a husband, and a job, I know I had to have done something.  But when I look back at my day and can’t scratch anything off my list or haven’t gotten one thing from my daily routine done, I have to wonder what I am doing wrong.  After all what’s the point of creating routines and do lists when you can never seem to scratch anything off?  So when I think back and analyze what went wrong I realize that for a majority of the time, I did a really poor job of anticipating disruptions.  Somehow when I was sitting down to write out my plan for the week, I had a momentary fantasy that I was Superwoman and could accomplish anything and everything.  Of course leaving me completely frustrated at the end of the week when I didn’t accomplish anything on my list. 

So over the years, I have gotten better about anticipating disruptions to the routine and being more realistic about what I can humanly accomplish with my sanity intact while also being more proactive at minimizing them.  Here is a list of the things I have found to be the biggest disruptions to my routine and how I try to work around them:

Having Too Many Appointments

There are weeks when I spend a lot of time sitting in doctors’ offices.  My youngest was born with congenital glaucoma and this requires at times a lot of different visits to both a cornea specialist and pediatric ophthalmologist.  This is of course on top of the regular visits I have for myself and other three kids to the dentist, pediatrician, optometrist, as well as school and work related appointments. 

So to minimize how much appointments disrupt my routine here is what I do:

• Schedule doctor’s appointments a lot in advance so that I have more choice over the time and day.
• Minimize how many appointments I have each week pushing the non-critical ones to another week if there are too many
• Not being afraid to reschedule appointments
• Making the most of the time I spend waiting for doctors by making sure that I have things to do such as kids’ homework or work projects such as writing blog posts.

Having Too Many Errands

In addition to all the appointments there are errands that all seem to happen at once.  Errands like dropping off books at the library, going to the bank, picking up a birthday gift, or stopping to fill up your car with gas as you coast into the station on fumes.  To minimize the disruptions caused by errands I use these strategies:

• Try to do all errands on one day to save time and gas
• Keep an errand list , so that I don’t forget anything or spend time trying to remember everything I have to get done.
• Buy things like gifts online whenever possible.
• Keep a small gift stash on hand for those last minute birthday party invites
• Use a meal planner and shopping list to minimize how many stops I need to make at the stores.

Underestimating How Much Time Things Will Take

This is definitely where I am weakest.  I always think I can get things done quicker than I can by failing to account for disruptions from kids, computer glitches, and traffic jams.  So to minimize the disruptions caused by this I use these techniques:

• For big projects, I do a quick time estimate to help me gauge how long something will take. I then look at my calendar and try and determine if I can honestly get the task done given how much time is required and all the other commitments I have for the week or day.
• Use the internet to check on traffic before heading out to see if there are any traffic jams or detours I need to account for in my travels.
• Adding a cushion into all my time estimates especially when it involves getting kids ready and out the door.

Disruptions are a reality of any busy family’s life and there are times when no amount of planning and strategizing will prevent them from happening.  It is times like these you just need to cope and make sure you focus on the critical things because if your routine is strong picking back up when the disruptions are over should be an easy thing to do.

Five Fun Things To Do This Memorial Day Weekend

Here are five fun things for you and your family to do this Memorial Day weekend.  Remember to take a lot of pictures and write about your fun and memories in your family journal. 

Watch a Memorial Day Parade

Make your own backyard rockets with the Rocket Launcher Experiment

Donate to your local Purple Heart organization

Make a patriotic wind chime to hang outside your door

Try making this fancy Patriotic Drink with the kids

A Family Journal

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

Sometimes it gets really hard to keep track of it all.  Even though we have good intentions, keeping track of your family’s memories, family goals, and great times can be hard.  It isn’t an easy task to sort through hundreds to family photo’s looking for the perfect one that you can absolutely remember being taken but for the life of you can’t find.  And when you have family vacation discussions documented on the not so fail proof system of sticky notes, it dawns on you that there must be a better way to capture the dreams, discussions, goals, and memories of your family life.  A way that doesn’t take a lot of time and one in which it is okay to use white out and hand drawn pictures.

So if your family is anything like ours, a Family Journal may be the answer; a simple way of expressing and recording of your family’s life, dreams, and memories without a lot of fuss and most importantly without a lot of anxiety and time. 

What is a Family Journal?

Simply stated, a Family Journal is an on-going diary of your family’s life.  Use it to capture family outing and vacation memories, record your family goals, make notes about family discussions and plans, and capture the thoughts and feelings of yourself and growing children.  Think of it as a working draft of the family photo album or scrapbook.  And the best part of a Family Journal is that it is meant to be used by every family member.  Parents and kids alike are encouraged to express themselves and their thoughts and memories of their family.  A Family Journal isn’t meant to be something else for mom or dad to do, but rather as a way for every family member to get involved and document the things important to them. 

How to Make a Family Journal

All you need to make a Family Journal is some type of journal or notebook, some pens and pencils or crayons and markers, a little glue, and enthusiasm.  

Start by choosing your Family Journal.  It doesn’t have to be expensive.  A simple notebook from your local store will do fine, just choose one that fits your family’s personality and is big enough to work with and in.  A general rule of thumb is that the smaller your kids, the bigger the Family Journal.  Young kids like to draw and have large hand writing, so be sure to choose a journal that accommodates these needs. 

 

 

Next, start by asking one of the kids to make the title page.  Encourage them to add a family photo, draw pictures, and add their own unique style and thoughts.  Also be sure to date the title page in some way, so that you can remember when it was started.

 

After the title page the rest of the journal is completely up to you and your family.  Here are some suggestions for things to include and how to use your Family Journal.

 Family Goals

Family Vacation Plans

Christmas and Birthday Wish Lists

Family Mission Statements

Family Photo’s and Notes from Vacations, Good Times, and Outings

Notes from Family Meetings

Favorite Family Recipes

Your Favorite Things

Family Chores

Ticket Stubs, Maps, Postcards, Awards, Ribbons, and Other Memorabilia

Family Night Ideas

Important Dates

Pressed Flowers from Special Occasions

Use a Couple Pages as a Guest Book for Big Family Gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas

Thanksgiving Blessings

New Year Resolutions

Love Notes

How to Make the Most of Your Family Journal

Here are some tips to making the most of your Family Journal.

Make it something for everyone in the family.  Let your kids express themselves in any way they see fit.  A Family Journal shouldn’t be something the kids need to ask permission to use. 

Keep the Family Journal displayed or stored in a prominent place so that you don’t forget to use it.

Have it handy during family meetings so that you can use it to keep notes.

Make it real not perfect.

Should We Tell Our Kids the Truth?

I recently had a conversation with some incredibly bright well informed loving mothers on whether or not we should tell the truth when asked some of the tough questions by our kids.  Questions like, “Have you ever taken drugs?” Or, “Did you have sex before marrying dad?”  Of course it is no big deal if you can honestly answer no to either one of these questions, but for those of us who can’t, it is nothing short of shear panic we feel when confronted with these questions.  On the one hand, we want to protect them and not give them the impression that it is okay to try drugs or have careless sexual relations, but on the other hand you really don’t want to lie.  After all, haven’t we taught them from day one the negative consequences of lying?  Even punishing them when they do so?  Isn’t it a little hypocritical to tell them it isn’t right to lie and then when faced with a serious question, we do just that? 

To me, telling your kids the truth is one of the best things you can do for your kids and for your relationship with them.  Telling your kids the truth builds trust, reinforces strong values, and most importantly validates their intuition. 

Telling the Truth Builds Trust

When my oldest daughter was 4 years old, I was pregnant with our third daughter.  Knowing my daughter’s thirst for knowledge and ability to ask very detailed questions, I immediately went to the bookstore looking for a good book to explain in not too much detail what it meant to have a baby.  I bought the book What to Expect When Mommy’s Having a Baby because it had an honest yet simple way of explaining how babies are made.  The explanation had something to do with pieces of a puzzle and the egg being one piece and the sperm being the other.  I’m sure you get the idea, but to my daughter this wasn’t enough and the first question out of her 4 year old mouth was how the sperm got to the egg.  At first I was shaken, but I could tell by her little face that she really wanted to know, so I told her.  I kept the explanation brief and left out a lot of details, but she had enough information to understand the basics.  In the weeks that followed, after she had time to process what she learned, I got a lot more questions and even though some of them were hard to answer, it made me feel good that she felt comfortable enough to come to me with these questions. She trusted me enough to know she was getting the truth.  And recently when my now 11 year old had questions about drugs, she came to me.  She didn’t look to her friends, TV, or the internet; she came to me because she trusted me to give her the truth.  If your kids can’t trust you to tell them the truth, they will eventually give up trying and look to other places and people for the “truth.”

Telling them the Truth Builds Character

As parents we want to raise confident, well grounded, “good” kids.  No parent sets out to raise kids who lie, are irresponsible, careless people.  But when we aren’t truthful with our kids even occasionally, we are teaching them that it is okay to lie and worse how to rationalize their own lies to you or others in the future.  The only way of raising kids with a strong character is to walk the talk as parents and as people.  When we reinforce through our own actions and word the importance of telling the truth, our kids follow.  Yes, they will slip up every once in a while just like all of us have done, but they will always have the foundation you built and demonstrated to lean on. 

Telling Them the Truth Validates their Intuition

I was recently reading an article over at npr.org about telling kids the truth and one of the arguments put forth by the author really moved me.  She said “When we are honest with children, we also validate their intuition. If we can admit that, yes, people can be mean, grandma does have a drinking problem, divorce is painful, we allow children to trust their gut. They can begin to recognize and rely on their own inner voice, which will speak to them throughout their lives.”

Children are extremely perceptive.  From day one, babies can sense when new parents are worried and stressed and their sense of perception only grows stronger as they grow older.  Even though they may not be able to express it in words, they do notice the darting of eyes, the worried expressions on our faces, and the muffled whispers coming from the kitchen.  So when we aren’t straight with them, they know on some level that something isn’t right.  And our lying to them or denying them the truth only makes them question their gut and intuition; you know that one little thing they often have to rely on when they leave the warm comfort of our homes and venture into the world on their own. 

What’s a Parent to Do?

So as a parent, how do we prepare ourselves for these honest discussions?  Here are some suggestions to help you have these inevitable conversations.

Talk it Over with Your Spouse - Make sure you and your husband or wife are grounded in agreement when it comes to talking  to your kids about the truth and inevitable tough questions you will get.  Don’t create a situation in which the kids can play parents off of one another.  Create an environment in which kids can choose to seek answers from either parent, not just one.

Be Proactive - Take some time to think through your answers before you get the questions.  This will help make the conversations a little less awkward.  If you aren’t sure of how to answer them, talk to friends or family members to see how they have handle similar questions or read books on the subject.

Let Them Learn from Your Mistakes - If you get questions about some of your choices in life, like pre-marital sex or drugs, use the opportunity to not only be honest with your kids, but also for them to learn from your mistakes.  Be prepared to share with them some of the things you have regretted about your choices as well as some of the things you learned.  Help them better understand the consequences of their potential choices by letting them learn from yours.

Ask Your Kids for Time to Think - If your kids catch you completely off guard with a particular question, ask them if you can take some time to think over your response before answering them.  It’s better to take some time to think through an honest answer than to answer them in haste with half truths.  Use words like “I need a little time to think this question over a bit, is it okay if I get back to you later today?”  Once you have had time to think over how you are going to answer, then be sure you do.  Not following through with your promise only teaches them to not trust you. 

In the end, the decision is yours as a parent to make.  Whether you choose to be blatantly open and honest or to hold back some of the truth, your children will still grow up, dream their own dreams, and live their own lives.  But will they do so in the comfort of openness and love or in the shadow of secrets and half truths?  Only you can decide.

Managing Disruptions to the Routine

Last month in our Conquering the Chaos segment, we talked about the power of a good routine and how having one for your family can really help you and your kids feel less stressed and frustrated.  But because sometimes life doesn’t always go according to plan, it is important to understand how disruptions can impact your routine and how families can adjust when they do happened.  Here are four strategies to help you deal with and manage the disruptions.

Anticipate Disruptions

Sometimes the impact of disruptions can be minimized by simply anticipating them and making changes to accommodate them.  For example, if your daughter has a doctor’s appointment one morning that will take you away from your morning routine and make it virtually impossible to get everything done,  take some time to decide before the appointment  which items can either be moved, deleted, or delegated.   By taking time every day to review your family calendar or planner and looking ahead the next few days, you will quickly notice the conflicts and can take steps to make changes.  For example, maybe a co-worker can handle a work assignment or a friend would be willing to swap classroom volunteer times with you.  The key to making this work is to look ahead and make plans to handle the disruptions BEFORE they happen.

Set Boundaries

Block off times on your calendar or schedule for certain items.  For example, only schedule regular doctor’s appointments for a certain day of the week or during a certain time period each day.  Or, let your son’s teacher know that you would love to volunteer in the class but you can only make it on certain days or a specific number of times each month.  By taking the time to set boundaries around your schedule, you can better manage unanticipated disruptions and maintain more control.

Communicate

Sometimes disruptions happen simply because we didn’t communicate well with our spouse or children.  For example, if it is a beautiful day and you think it would be great to take a family bike ride in the evening, take some time to call your spouse and talk it over.  After all, homework still needs done, baths taken, and dinner made.  By talking things like this over beforehand, kids can get homework done before dinner rather than after or you can pick up take out on your way home to save time.   Use the family calendar, email, family meetings, text messaging, and the good old fashioned phone to help you stay in touch and better communicate with your family.

Go with the Flow

Unfortunately there are still a lot of things in our life we can’t control and no amount of anticipating, boundary setting, and communicating will minimize the disruptions.  At times like these we just need to go with the flow and focus on the most urgent demands and make the most of delegating and deferring.  While keeping in mind that most unanticipated disruptions will be temporary and that the strength of your routine will help you easily get back into the groove of things once the disruption has passed. 

The Not So Perfect Family Journal

What I Think I Know - A monthly tongue in cheek commentary of things I’ve learned (or so I think)….

At one point in my life, I had dreams of capturing all of our family’s life memories in a beautifully decorated, perfectly designed, and magnificently color coordinated scrapbook.  I was going to do one for every year of our life and they would be handed down from generation to generation.  Each scrapbook would capture all the most important parts of our lives as well as our hopes and dreams.  They would be the epitome of the perfect family journal and my daughters would fight over who got to keep them after I died.  That was my dream…

Well needless to say our first epic family journal is sitting somewhere in my basement completely unfinished.  I think the year was 2002 and I maybe got a total of four pages done.  It wasn’t for a lack of desire but rather a combination of my innate lack of eye for design and an overwhelming feeling they needed to be perfect. 

So out of confusion and frustration, I gave up the idea of scrapbooking our lives.  I continued to take photos that are proudly stored somewhere on my computer’s hard drive and I continued to save some of the more important mementos of our lives of which are safely stored in boxes in my closet. 

And I was more or less happy with this solution until my daughters started finding it fun to reminisce during family dinners about all our good times.  Remembering things I had completely forgotten and making me realize how some of the most seemingly trivial things like a cow spitting on Jennifer or a hen biting Katie can be so meaningful to four young girls. 

And I suddenly realized we didn’t need a perfectly designed, beautifully decorated, and magnificently color coordinated scrapbook.  All we needed was a not so perfect family journal to capture the thoughts and memories of four little girls who had a much deeper appreciation for our history than I ever realized.  And so our family journal was born.  We don’t do any cropping, or use special cardstock and stickers.  We just glue, write, and draw from the heart. 

Remember, it always the little things.

New Family Calendars and Mom Planners

Great news!  The 2009 Mom’s Plan It Calendars are in and available to ship (the Mom’s Super-Sized is only available for pre-ordering).  Thanks everyone for your patience.  We have even added a new style this year, the Mom’s Super-Sized Plan It Calendar.  It is perfect for families with more than 3 kids. 

We are also very excited to add the momAgenda family of planners to our product line.  Their sleek chic design is perfect for mom’s who like a well desinged planner that makes a statement too!

Save 10% on every order with the coupon code mayflowers.  Offer expires June 10, 2008.

One of our best sellers, the Mom’s Plan It Calendar is back as well as the Mom’s Plan It Engagement Calendar, and the Mom’s Plan It Pocket Planner. 

For mom’s who are looking for a stylish alternative to their current planner, the momAgenda Desktop and momAgenda Mini planners are the perfect solution.  Each of these styles come in three great stain resistant colors and are also available to purchse with the stylish momAgenda Mini Clips, momAgenda Note Pads, and the Weekly Family Planner.