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How To Avoid the Competitive Parent Trap
By Polly | September 4, 2008
Ah, the beginning of a new school year, marking the end of the summer boredom blues and the return of structure to our days. A time when parents rejoice, teachers cry, and the sport of competitive parenting begins. Competitive parenting for those of you unfamiliar or new to parenting is the terrible sport started by parents to give their children an upper hand, while making themselves feel successful as parents and other parents insecure and guilty. Every school and neighborhood has them, the parents who make it their job to ensure their children are the best at everything. They sign them up for every enrichment activity available, hire math tutors and French teachers, and make it their business to keep tabs on the achievements and failures of every child in the class. They are constantly measuring the achievements of their children to other children and seemingly will stop short of nothing to make them the best or at least keep up. And leaving in their dust, parents who really don’t want to compete, but not sure how to avoid it.
So to help every parent who is ready to stand up to the competitive parenting pressure here are some tips to help you survive the new school year.
Stop Measuring Your Success as a Parent by the Achievements of Your Child
Believe it or not, but your success as a parent has NOTHING to do with the achievements of your children and has EVERYTHING to do with how emotionally strong and prepared your children are to lead their own lives. Your job as a parent isn’t to make sure they get into Harvard or become the next Bill Gates, but rather your job as a parent is to nurture, inspire, and teach your children to define their own success and happiness while giving them the skills and tools necessary to make it happen.
Surround Yourself with Supportive Likeminded Friends
Nothing will make a parent more insecure and nervous than having a friend who lives in the competitive parenting trap. So to make sure you don’t fall prey to the trap and all the drama that comes with it, distance yourself from others who are living in it. Instead, surround yourself with parents and friends with similar goals and parenting techniques so that you are uplifted and supported.
Believe in Your Child
Children are born with an innate realization of who they are as individuals. It isn’t until parents start getting involved that their natural instincts get over shadowed and this understanding loses focus. So to protect them from forgetting who they are, teach them from an early age to trust their instincts and pursue their passions. Children can and will do amazing things with their lives if we give them the space and tools to help them.
Do yourself and your children a favor this new school year and stop competing. Believe in yourself as a parent, stop measuring your success through your children, surround yourself with supportive friends, and most importantly let your children dream their own dreams.
Good luck!
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