Fresh Start Idea - Begin Planning Your Next Family Vacation

Our Fresh Start idea for today is to begin planning your next family vacation.  Planning a vacation together as a family is a great way to teach goal setting, organization, and planning skills to the kids as well as build cohesiveness as a family.  So our Fresh Start idea for today is to take some time as a family and begin planning the vacation.  Here are some tips to help you get started: Read more

Fresh Start Idea - Clean Out Your Refrigerator

Our Fresh Start idea for today is to clean out your refrigerator.  If your refrigerator is anything like mine it becomes a collection of half used salad dressings, leftovers, and the healthy no fat no sugar yogurt my kids refuse to eat.  So take some time today and clean out your refrigerator and implement some preventative measures to avoid it getting overrun again.  Here are some tips to help you get started: Read more

Fresh Start Idea - Eliminate or Streamline One Should Do in Your Life

Our Fresh Start idea for today is to eliminate or simplify a Should Do in our life.  Should Do’s are those things in our life we may or may not enjoy doing, but have to be done to avoid negative consequences and to function normally in life.  For example, housecleaning for many may fall into this category.  It isn’t something we must do to survive and isn’t necessarily something we enjoy doing, but if it isn’t done can result in unhealthy living conditions and distractions to the family life.  The problem with Should Do’s is that they can easily distract us from other more important things in life that either need to get done or that we enjoy doing leaving us feeling frustrated, resentful, or stressed.   So it is important to do a check from time to time on our Should Do’s and work hard to either eliminate or streamline them whenever possible. Read more

Fresh Start Idea – Take Some Time to Understand Your Parenting Hot Buttons

Our Fresh Start idea for today is to take Sandra’s advice and spend some time today thinking about and fixing our parenting hot buttons.  Parenting hot buttons are those events, conversations, situations, or things in life that send you over the edge as a parent causing you to lose your cool.  Things like whining, messy rooms, disrespectful behavior, or yelling.  When you better understand those things or situations that cause you parenting stress the better able you are to change your reaction the next time it happens. Read more

Fresh Start Idea – Show the Love Everyday

This Fresh Start idea seems a little silly to be writing because on the surface it seems like a simple thing to do, but the reality of it is that we lead busy lives and sometimes taking the time to express or show our love everyday can be a bit of a challenge.  So our Fresh Start idea for today is to find one special or fun way of expressing and showing your love every day.  Here are a few ideas to get you started: Read more

Fresh Start Idea – Create a Family Management Center

Today’s Fresh Start idea is to create a Family Management Center in your home.  Referred to as a Communication Station over at The Clutter Diet , or sometimes as a family messaging center in magazines, a Family Management Center is a central location in your home that consolidates all of the functions and tools necessary for running your home and managing your everyday family life effectively.  The goals of your family management center should be to streamline family communication, reduce clutter, minimize confusion, and improve efficiency.  Here are a few suggestions to help you create one in your home: Read more

Creating Bedtime Routines

One of the concerns that parents often ask me about is the trouble they have getting their kids to go to bed and stay in bed at night.

Nothing gets a parent more exhausted and worn out than night after night of no sleep. The truth is that when we think of the idea of going to sleep, it sounds like a tempting proposition: moms rarely feel that they get enough of it. They long for a good night of deep rest as a traveler in the desert longs for fresh water! But for our young kids, the idea of getting to sleep is not nearly as appealing. It means the fun has to stop and most kids will let you know of the disappointment via tantrums and crying.

Most children are ready to start a bedtime routine as early as 6 months. It’s important to know how much sleep is necessary and age appropriate so your expectations for your children can be realistic. Also, have you noticed if your child is a natural “night owl” or an “early riser”? Some children show a preference early on.

Peace mind only comes when we have a plan of action, realizing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some simple tips to consider:

1. Make the hour before bedtime quiet, peaceful and an opportunity to slow down. Make it fun! Include things that your child loves to do: read his favorite book or tell him his favorite story or play his favorite music. Make the idea of going to bed appealing!
2. Have a clear routine that your child understands: get a warm bath, put pajamas on, brush teeth, read story. Whatever is important to you and your child should be part of a consistent routine you follow most nights.
3. Take the opportunity of closeness that bedtime affords. Our children grow so fast and need less and less of our intervention at bedtime. Until very recently, our 8-year-old would ask us to lie down in bed with her after the lights went out. She has now asked us to let her go to sleep on her own. I can’t tell you how much I miss that little “snuggling” time but I knew it wasn’t going to last forever. I am glad I enjoyed while it lasted!

The bottom line is: rest when you can even if that means chores wait. Stick to the routine you’ve created and be consistent. It may take a little time, but in the end, it will pay off.

Sandra is the “soul” and “coach” behind the Soulful Parent. She has worked in Early Intervention, Special Education and has supported many families in the road to successful parenting. She became a PCI Certified Parent Coach® because she’s deeply passionate about changing the world, one family at a time. Sandra believes that life becomes a more enjoyable journey when you lead from your strengths! She can be contacted Sandra {at} thesoulfuparent(.)com and www.thesoulfulparent.com for more information about seminars, presentations and individual coaching services.

Plan First; De-clutter Later

Planning is your first step to getting a fresh start with your clutter.  My goal is to inspire you to set goals that are meaningful and develop a good plan to achieve them.  You will then, in turn, be successful at winning your clutter challenges!  Do you look at your clutter and think, “I’ll never get this under control”?  Take the opportunity this week to consider the new year as your fresh start to getting your clutter under control.  In order to best conquer your clutter, you need a plan and accountability to that plan.

Before you start developing your plan, spend some time thinking about what challenges you have regarding clutter.  By asking yourself some open ended questions, you can ensure that you are going after the right challenges.  A key consideration is that your plan will be more effective if you are working on the right challenges.

• Where does clutter impact me the most?
• Whose clutter tops my list of clutter challenges?
• How much time do I need to clear my clutter?
• What kind of system would help me over the long term?

After you understand your challenges, set a goal for getting your clutter under control.  You are probably familiar with SMART goals.  I recommend you set SMART goals to effectively tackle your clutter.  If you are not familiar, SMART goals must be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely.  Take a minute and review the following two goals and decide which one is SMARTer:

• I want to get control of my clutter this year.
• By a week from today, I will remove the clutter from my desk, file it and develop a process to maintain my clutter-free desk for the next two months.

Okay, maybe I made it too obvious, but I hope the second goal helps to illustrate the important elements of a SMART goal.  After you write your goals, review them against the SMART criteria and revise them if necessary.

When you have developed your goal, it is time for your action plan.  When developing your plan, I recommend a few key steps to apply.  Keep the steps small and simple.  After you have developed your plan, post it somewhere to remind you of what you have committed to do.

START!  Pick a day in the next week when you will start your action plan.  It does not matter when you start.  If the whole process seems too overwhelming, take one small step each day.

Stay accountable to your plan.  Chances are that it may be difficult to do this on your own.  Find a coach to help you keep on track.  Your coach can be a friend, spouse, co-worker, significant other or even a professional coach.  The point is to have someone to help you stay accountable to your plan.  If you commit to someone besides just yourself, you are more likely to complete the actions.

Good luck as you start and implement your plan.  Let me know if you have any questions.

Laura Rolands is the founder of LSR Coaching and Consulting, LLC. She is a coach whose passion is to support, lead and inspire independence and success for people who have either been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or who are facing other attention-related challenges. Her clients include individuals with attention-related challenges and/or their parents.  You can reach her through www.MyAttentionCoach.com.

Fresh Start for Your Blended Family in 2010

Did you have a frustrating 2009 in your blended or stepfamily?  Was it a year you’d prefer to forget?  Well, it’s a New Year and time for new beginnings, new opportunities and new experiences.

Balance Your Time

At times, blended families lose balance when their noncustodial kids are visiting.  Moms become Super Step Moms and dads become Disney Dads- trying to please the kids, every moment of the day.  But- no one is happy all of the time, and giving children everything they want, the minute they ask, does not create a happy environment.

Balance Your Family

Set up house rules for all the kids, whether visiting or living full time in the house. Make sure all children are treated equally.  If a noncustodial child is visiting- it’s fine to have parent/child one-on-one time, but this time shouldn’t take you and your child away from the family for more than a couple of hours.  Remember to include noncustodial children in family activities.  Your child is not a visitor- he is a member of a blended family and should be included in family events and activities.

Balance Your Marriage

Keeping your marriage strong is the best way to have a strong and successful stepfamily.  Take time everyday to connect with your spouse.  Plan a date night 2-4 times a month for you and your mate.

Balance Your Life

As you take care of your job, your children and your mate- don’t forget about you!  Being a stepmom or stepdad in a blended family is tough.  If you keep running and running, making sure the whole world is happy and you forget yourself, you are going to burn out and be worthless to your blended family and to yourself.

Time to Relax

How do you unwind from a busy day? Is it by taking a bath, reading a favorite novel, drinking a cup of herbal tea or a glass of red wine? Do you loosen up after a workout at the gym or a walk through the neighborhood? If you are saying to yourself that you don’t have time for these things- you’re wrong. You don’t have time to skip relaxing. Figure out what makes you calm and make room for these activities in your day.Even if you have to write them on your “to do” list- just do it.

Time to Rejuvenate

What gives you strength? Is it talking on the phone to a friend, going to a funny movie, or shopping at the mall? Figure out what activities you truly enjoy doing and make time to do these things, too. Figure out a time, at least 1-2 times a month, to schedule something special- just for you.

Time for Respect

If you are always the one saying, “Go ahead, I’ll clean up” or “Don’t worry, I didn’t want any- you can have a second helping, ” how can others respect you if you don’t respect yourself?

At birthdays, when your family asks, “What can we get you?” - think about it, and give them a thoughtful list. You are a precious, unique person. Treat yourself that way!  Do you want your daughter to treat herself as someone who always comes in last place, gives up the good seats, the last bite of special food? No, of course not.

Time to Remember

Create a box, drawer or file to keep remembrances. Put cards (birthday, mother’s day, anniversary, thank-you notes) - anything you receive, into this box.  If someone gives you a compliment, write it down and put it in your remembrance box.  Periodically, go through your box and read these compliments and praises.

Time for Yourself

You’re worth it!  Make time for yourself. You will feel stronger physically, mentally and emotionally after you have regular times to renew your spirit, soul and body.  Your family will appreciate a stronger, healthier, and happier you.

Add to this list to create a better year, a more successful blended family and a healthier you!

Shirley Cress Dudley is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, and a master’s degree in Education.  She is the founder of The Blended and Step Family Resource Center and author of Blended Family Advice. Shirley has a passion for helping blended and stepfamilies grow strong and be successful.  Sign up for our Free newsletter and receive a Free Report- Top Ten Worst Mistakes You Can Make in Your Blended Family, http://www.TheBlendedandStepFamilyResourceCenter.com

Fresh Start Idea – Decide How Your Family Can Make a Difference in the World

Our Fresh Start idea for today is to discuss and decide how your family can make a difference in the world.  From saving the polar bears to buying school supplies for kids in your community, uniting around a cause or volunteering your time is a wonderful way of building family unity, opening perspectives, and building self-confidence.  So take some time today to discuss as a family how you can make a difference in the world and then create an action plan to make it happen.  Here are some tips to help you get started: Read more

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