Radio Show: Helping Our Children Deal with Fears, Anxiety, and Anger

Listen to our recent radio show when we talked with Wendy Young of Kidlutions about helping our children deal with fear, anxiety, and anger in times of grief, divorce, unemployment, and moves.  You can listen by using the player below, downloading the MP3 (Right Click Save As), or via iTunes.  And now through the end of May, you can save 20% on two of her workbooks, My Moving Story: A Child’s Workbook About Relocation and How Long Does the Sad Last: A Workbook for Grieving Children.

Five Tips to Getting Your Child to Listen

Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

This topic gets a lot of attention! I often speak at MOPS groups and when I open up time for Q & A this topic comes up in one form or another. It is frustrating – no one likes to be talking and feel like no one is listening, especially moms who are trying to get everyone to do their part. This is a hot button for me, when I feel like my kids are not listening, just blowing me off or missing important instruction because they seemingly just don’t care, I often evaluate what part I am playing. Often times, we both are contributing to the frustration.

I have a few points to keep in mind when you get frustrated with your child not listening, or just to keep in practice so you don’t get to that frustrated point.

1. Short and sweet does the trick

“When you wish to instruct, be brief; then men’s minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind.” - Cicero, Roman orator, statesman

I love this quote and the relevance it has, especially with regard to parenting. I think we as parents get into a bad habit of trying to explain too much to our kids – at the wrong time! There is a time and place for long conversations, explaining reasons and rules – but choosing those times carefully will prevent a lot of confusion. In my ScreamFree Parenting we touch on this topic and how to not get caught up in power struggles or long drawn out explanations that usually end up getting no where. Being short and sweet, to the point will get you and your child much farther than long drawn out instruction or reasoning.

2. Make eye contact

Have you tried this before? I know this technique works very well, but I often get in too much of a hurry and forget to get my child to stop and look at me when I am giving instruction. I recently had a conversation with one of my children about how frustrated I was with him not listening. I told him what I needed from him and then asked him what he needed from me. He paused for a few moments and then told me he needed me to look him in the eye when I was talking to him. No shocker here, but how often I forget the basic steps! I told him I could certainly try to make that happen more and we were both happy with the outcome.

3. Have your child repeat instructions back to you

Do you have your child repeat instructions back to you? If you do, how does this work. I have found when I stop and take the time to have my children repeat instructions or requests back we are both fully aware of what the expectation is. There is no room for miscommunication, no “that’s not what you said”, or even the common “I never heard you.” Try to incorporate this more into your daily routine and it will start to come to you more naturally and you won’t even realize you are doing it!

4. Give choices

You may wonder – how does this have anything to do with getting my child to listen? Well, if you are engaging your child in a decision making process they are much more apt to listen closely. Giving instruction in a way that you empower your child to make a choice will keep his attention, especially when you are making eye contact as you have this conversation.

5. Are you listening to them?

Do you multi-task when your child is trying to tell you about their day? Are you busy working at the computer when your child is asking you a question? I am a big believer that children learn by example, so what are you truly teaching your children when you respond in this manner? I wonder how much influence it may have on my children when I am trying to do so many other things all while listening to them, and how they might get the idea they don’t have to give me their undivided attention when I am talking to them. Kind of a double standard, don’t you think? So, take the pause you may need in order to really listen to your child, if you need to ask them to wait a minute for you to finish, then do so. I am sure they would much prefer a mom who is giving 100% of her time to them rather than half-way listening.

You are a busy mom, lots of things to juggle and the last thing you need is to have to repeat yourself over and over. Hopefully you can try one of these new approaches to help move the little people along in your life without all the frustration!

Susan Heid helps moms get the BIG picture on how their home is functioning and then helps them gain relief with a personalized plan of action to give life changing results.  Susan’s training as a PCI Certified Parent Coach. a Certified Family Manager Coach and a ScreamFree Certified Leader gives her a unique combination to encourage and support busy moms in the art of Home and Family Management.  Empowering Moms and Strengthening Families is her passion.  Are you ready to make positive changes that will impact your family for generations?  You can start by visiting The Confident Mom and requesting her FREE ebook, “Getting Kids to Cooperate and Become Team Players – 10 Essential Strategies and Solutions”.

Make Sure Your Expectations are Realistic

By Laura Rolands of My Attention Coach

While a good idea for everyone, if you, your child or even your whole family have Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), it is critical that you set realistic expectations of yourselves and each other.  By doing this, you will be more likely to experience success and be ready for your next move forward.  ADHD can bring challenges with organization, time management, waiting and sitting still to name a few.  If you set expectations too high, you may be setting your child or yourself up for frustration if those expectations are not met.  On the other hand, I have seen my clients see in increase in their success and motivation when they start with realistic expectations.

Whether you are reviewing your family’s goals, setting your goals or establishing new goals for your son or daughter, you can review the checklist below to give the goals a reality check to make sure you have not set the bar too high.

-    Do a gut check – does your expectation seem realistic?  Trust your instincts!

-    Is there an 80% chance of reaching the goal?  If not, consider adjusting it.

-    Does the timeframe seem realistic?  If you want your desk completely organized by tonight, that may be too ambitious.  Would it make more sense to give yourself a week with small milestones for each day?

-    Is the challenge that the goal addresses related to ADHD or another medical-related condition?  How much of the challenge can you or your child control?  Give some flexibility when necessary.

-    Are you expecting 100% compliance?  With exceptions for safety and legal requirements, you might need to back off from 100% compliance.  It isn’t realistic and is likely to cause you more stress than necessary.
If something does not seem realistic, adjust it.  Even if you set the goal long ago, you can always go back and make it more applicable to you and your family.  I encourage my clients to take smaller realistic steps towards their goals rather than trying to cover an extraordinary amount of ground in a short amount of time.  I find that this builds success and confidence which help to build positive momentum for the long run.  Let us know how your goal setting goes and what adjustments you are planning to make!

Laura Rolands is the founder of LSR Coaching and Consulting, LLC. She is a coach whose passion is to support, lead and inspire independence and success for people who have either been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or who are facing other attention-related challenges. Her clients include individuals with attention-related challenges and/or their parents. If you have any questions or more suggestions to add, please visit her website at www.MyAttentionCoach.com .

Spring Cleaning for Any Schedule

By Mandi Ehman of Organizing Your Way

Spring is in the air!  If you’re feeling the itch to spring clean but aren’t sure where to start, use this checklist to decide whether you’ll tackle just the basics, go a little deeper or do a full deep cleaning:

Just the Basics
•    Clean out the refrigerator, pantry & spice cabinet
•    Clean the oven and microwave
•    Discard expired medicines and cosmetics
•    Declutter the surfaces in your home
•    Scrub the bathrooms
•    Rotate seasonal clothing
•    Switch out the winter gear for warm weather gear
•    Clean out the fireplace
•    Archive or shred files from 2009 to make room for 2010′s
•    Weed your garden

A Little Deeper
•    Wash the windows, inside and out
•    Wipe down blinds and shades
•    Wipe the baseboards and doorjambs you can see and easily get to
•    Dust/vacuum behind & under furniture
•    Clear off shelves to dust them
•    Dust ceiling fans, corners and ceilings
•    Dust electronics
•    Wipe out kitchen cabinets
•    Clean the refrigerator shelves, drawers, etc.
•    Reseal or treat granite or butcher block counters
•    Empty out and declutter cabinets, closets and drawers
•    Sort through toys and electronics and make a yard sale or giveaway pile
•    Scrub outdoor furniture
•    Clean out gutters and spouts

Deep Cleaning
•    Clean the window tracks
•    Wash curtains and window treatments
•    Wipe all baseboards and doorjambs
•    Clean the top of cabinets and appliances
•    Polish metal hardware on cabinets and drawers
•    Clean and treat wood furniture
•    Steam clean carpets
•    Declutter and reorganize your “hidden” storage (in the basement, attic, garage or shed)
•    Powerwash decks and porches
•    Wash the garage floor

If you have young children or are in a particularly busy season of life, stick to the basics and don’t feel guilty about the things that won’t get done this year. Yes, there is value in deep cleaning your home and getting a fresh start each year, but it’s not worth stressing over if it’s not a realistic goal for your family.

What spring cleaning tasks are on your to-do list?

Mandi Ehman is a work-at-home mom to four spunky little girls. She believes that organizing only lasts if you do it your way – to fit your needs, your preferences and your lifestyle – and she shares organizing and time management tips at Organizing Your Way.

Radio Show: Confident Parenting & Scream Free Parenting

Listen to our recent radio show as we talked with Susan Heid of The Confident Mom about confident parenting and scream free parenting.  You can listen live by using the player below or downloading the mp3.

Radio Show: Nannies4Hire.com

Listen to our recent radio show as we talked with Candi Wingate of Nannies4Hire.com about what to look for in a nanny, questions to ask, doing background checks, and how to find the right one for your family.  You can listen live by using the player below, downloading the mp3 file to your computer, or via iTunes.

Radio Show: My Attention Coach

Listen to our recent radio show as we talked with Laura Rolands of My Attention Coach.  We talked about what ADHD is, how to spot the warning signs, and how to get yourself or children help. You can listen live by using the player below, downloading the mp3 file to your computer, or via iTunes.