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Don’t Let “Mommy Guilt” Steal Your Joy!

By Melanie Moore of Only a Breath

Moms from all walks of life are united by the very unique aspects of motherhood. We share pregnancy woes, childbirth stories, teething remedies, potty training tips, and often, the despair of “Mommy Guilt“.

Because my perspective is one of a mom who works outside the home, I thought “Mommy Guilt” affected only moms who did the same. I was surprised to find that “Mommy Guilt” affects all varieties of moms: those who have at-home businesses, moms who work outside the home, and stay-at-home moms. Dads can even have their own feelings of guilt over balancing work and family, too!

Many women feel guilty about:

• Working outside their home
• Not earning extra income to help with the bills
• Using infant formula instead of breast-feeding
• Not “measuring up” to other moms
• Being a single mom
• And the list goes on, and on, and on….

How can we feel joy in our families when we are constantly haunted by feelings of guilt?

It is important to remember that only you know what is best for your family. Well-meaning friends may offer advice on what would be best for your family, but no one knows your family’s circumstances except those who are actually in your immediate family. I encourage you to talk openly with your husband and decide together what is best for your family. If you are a single mom, there may not be many options available to you besides working outside the home, but don’t despair! If this is your situation, I encourage you to embrace the opportunity to teach your children about the importance of hard work because they will certainly learn valuable lessons from your dedicated example.

Is there a magic number of hours that moms should be with their children or does it matter more how we spend the time that we have with our children? Are your children more important than Twitter, Facebook, and prime time TV? There is certainly a difference between being physically with our children, and mentally attentive to and involved with our children.

Many moms feel guilty about leaving their children with another caretaker during their working hours. I can remember driving away from my mother-in-law’s home one morning after dropping off my son who was only a baby. As I pulled out of her driveway, I saw her in the house, rocking my son and tenderly cradling him. “That should be me!“, I wanted to cry out. However, after I thought about it for a few minutes, I realized that my feelings of guilt were wrapped up in my negative perspective. Instead of feeling like I was being somehow “cheated” by not being able to rock my son at that particular moment, I reversed my perspective. I thought of how grateful and fortunate I was to leave my son with someone who loved him so very much. When feelings of guilt creep up, take a second look and see if looking at the situation from another angle can give you a more positive outlook.

It is so tempting to compare ourselves to other moms to see how we “measure up”, but we must not allow ourselves to fall into the comparison trap. We only see the outward appearance of another mom, but we truly have no idea of all her struggles. Trust me, she is human, and she has struggles too.

Your precious family is a gift! You were placed in this specific family at this specific time for a specific reason. Please don’t feel bitterness of any kind toward another mother. Her circumstances are not yours, and feeling envy for her will only steal your joy!

Moms, let’s extend a little grace to ourselves today, and when you pass another mom, just remember that she’s probably struggling with some type of “Mommy Guilt”. I encourage you to take a moment to encourage her.  After all, we are raising the next generation together.  Let’s encourage one another to be strong, build up our families, and cherish every moment with our little ones!

Melanie writes at “Only A Breath” about life as a small-town, southern, girly-girl mommy of two rough and rowdy little boys. She is so thankful for a wonderful, hard-working husband who makes her laugh and is a wonderful daddy. She works full-time as an industrial software developer (“computer geek”) and offers practical tips and encouragement for moms who work outside the home. Her heart’s desire is to encourage others to celebrate life and cherish each breath of this journey.

Create a Calm Summer

Laura Rolands of My Attention Coach

Summer can be hectic in a way that differs from the school year.  Sure, you don’t have homework to worry about typically, but you probably have a different day care situation, new activities and probably some bored kids!

Schedule

Setting a schedule for the summer can really help keep things calm during the summer.  If your kids are older and will be staying home by themselves during the day, a schedule can help them stay on track so that the transition back to school in the fall is easier.  If your kids are younger and in day care or with a sitter, a schedule can give them some structure even when they are not with you.  Your day care or sitter may already have a schedule so it is a good idea to check with them as well.

If you are a work at home or stay at home mom, a schedule is probably even more critical.  I know with my own business that having the kids home for the summer creates new stress on our days.  A schedule can help both you and your kids stay on track towards family, school and work goals.  Fellow Families With Purpose contributor Susan Heid has a great article over at her site on Summer Morning Routines.  Check it out for even more ideas

Change Up Chores

I’m sure you already use a chore chart for your family.  It is easy to get into a rut with chores which can cause some consternation with the kids and be less helpful for you.  Rethink chores for the summer to ensure they are working for you and your kids.  Get their input on this process.  I’m not suggesting to hand the hen house over to the fox, but I do think that if you can decide on chores that your kids will enjoy and interesting.  For example, my kids had a blast last summer weeding an area of our yard that had become overgrown.  It took a lot of time and ENERGY in addition to being hugely useful to our family.  They had a blast and I think were pretending they were in the jungle.  (Trust me, it had gotten very overgrown!)  I am not sure when I would have ever tackled this project without the help and enthusiasm of the kids.

I would love to get some brainstorming going here about changing up chores.  How do you change chores in the summer?  Let’s share our ideas!

With a schedule and some productive chores, you can add calm to your summer.  Enjoy it!

Laura Rolands is the founder of LSR Coaching and Consulting, LLC. She is a coach whose passion is to support, lead and inspire independence and success for people who have either been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or who are facing other attention-related challenges. Her clients include individuals with attention-related challenges and/or their parents. If you have any questions or more suggestions to add, please visit her website at www.MyAttentionCoach.com.

Summer Sanity Savers

By Jennifer Ascher of Organizing without Limits

Summer is here and the kids are home. I don’t know about you, but at times it feels like the summer  months are busier than the school year. To save my sanity and not have things fall completely apart here are a few things that I have found helpful for both myself and the kids.

Create a summer calendar:

Create and post a calendar with all 3 months on it. It is much easier to plan family activities when the entire summer schedule is laid out in front of you. Such as baseball games, summer camps, play dates etc.

Plan your menu and check the weather:

When it gets to be 100 degrees outside you simple don’t feel like cooking, but everybody still needs to eat. This is where menu planning and bulk cooking will be a life saver for you in the summer time. When doing your menu for the week besides checking your calendar for upcoming activities, check the weather. Plan a cooler day during the week to get some bulk cooking and baking done.  This way on those extra busy or hot days you will have meals and snacks ready and don’t end up at the drive thru or the grocery store every day.

Housework:

Let’s be honest here. When kids are home it is pretty much a given that you are going to have bigger messes. Don’t let that be an excuse for not getting the house cleaned. Make a daily, weekly and monthly cleaning list of things that need to get done and try to do them first thing in the morning to get them out of the way. Make sure to get the kids involved with house work. The quicker it gets done the more time you will have to enjoy the rest of your day.  By the way it’s OK to have days that you simple accept the messes and move on, just not every day.

Kids and summer:

The “lazy days of summer” are great. However kids thrive on routines and summer is no exception. Having a daily routine and structure will make it easier for them to transition in the fall for back to school. With the kids being home, use the extra time to teach them new chores and responsibilities. No school doesn’t mean that the learning stops! To help maintain academic skills make sure to schedule daily reading and “school work”. The work should be a review of skills learned over the past school year. If your child’s teacher didn’t send a summer packet home, you can pick up workbooks at the store or find things on the internet. To have less cranky kids maintain consistent bed time and awake time as much as possible.

Summers are meant for fun and relaxing and you don’t need a rigid schedule but you do need to have structure and routines. Otherwise instead of enjoying the time with your kids you will be nothing but a stressed out cranky mom and that does nobody any good.

Jennifer Ascher is a Professional Organizer and owner of Organizing Without Limits. It is her belief that organizing goes beyond pantries, closets or even time management.  It’s about taking control of your WHOLE LIFE.

Organizing Without Limits provides organizing solutions to transform your life and offers both hands-on and virtual organizing services. You can reach Jennifer at http://www.organizingwithoutlimits.com

Easing Family Travel

By Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

Do you have any upcoming travel plans for summer break?

Do you tend to get a little stressed about long car rides or plane trips with your kids?

When my kids were younger I started a tradition of making little “snack/activity” bags for each of them before we got on an airplane.  We traveled A LOT when I was a single mom because I had free flight benefits as a flight attendant for a major airline.  My kids and I were very blessed to do a lot of fun things and vacation in areas we would otherwise not have done

My kids really looked forward to getting these bags the morning of our travel to place in their carry-on backpacks.  They didn’t get to open them until we were on the plane, but they loved looking through the clear zip-loc plastic and searching to see what was inside.

Even today with older kids, they still look forward to them!  During our spring break we flew to Phoenix – and of course I made the little bags for them.  When I remarried, my step-son was introduced to these bags too and he thinks they are pretty darn cool and something he looks forward to as well.  Even my 18 year old still gets a bag and I think she thinks it is fun – it is more the surprise of what she will find inside!

I use a gallon size zip-loc bag and find snacks, word search books, and different little toys from the dollar store – all kinds of activities and snacks for the long ride.

I can remember when my kids were really young and technology had not advanced to what we have now, I had given the kids each a small cassette recorder with headphones and a few books on tape – this was the hit!

How funny would my kids look like with those old fashioned cassette players now!

Even now you can find really inexpensive MP3 players and download lots of great music or books on tape from the library.

If you are not the type of “do it yourself mom” there is a company called TravelKiddy that actually has these types of bags already put together for you!  They have activity kits designed to help children from age 3 and up fend off boredom on a flight or long car ride.

No trouble, no running out to purchase all the little trinkets – it is all done for you!

Last summer while we were on our RV trip our family listened to Tony Dungy’s book, “Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices, and Priorities of a Winning Life” on CD.  While I am not a huge football fan, it was somewhat surprising to me how much I enjoyed this book, plus it was a hit with my boys and they even chose to listen in.

Why not pick up an audio book and listen as a family instead of everyone listening to their own on headsets and keeping separated from each other.  Enjoy a book together!

Who needs a long car ride or vacation travel to find ways to keep your child pleasantly occupied in the car?

Do your kids fight in the car or do you struggle with a lot of unproductive time in the car running errands with your children?  It can be hard to keep your CALM when everyone is enclosed in close quarters!   How about picking up one of these kits to keep in the car now or create a DIY kit?  Your child can even help you out putting it together with items they would enjoy.  Your child can only use these items while in the car and when their behavior is appropriate.  You could make car pooling a pleasant experience once again!

TravelKiddy also has a blog where they share tips for traveling with your kids – so make sure you check that out.

I have found that providing entertainment for my kids surely brings down the stress level for me and I am able to actually enjoy the travel experience, whether on a plane or in the car.

What is your best tip for traveling with your kids?

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Make sure you get a copy of her FREE ebook, “Getting Kids to Cooperate and Become Team Players.”

Order Early & Save

Our 2012 Mom Plan It and Family Plan It calendars are now in stock and ready to ship.  We have also added the Mom’s Home Calendar line.  You can save 15% now through July 31, 2011 with the coupon code earlybird.

Summer Retention – Workbook Free Ideas

By Beth Engelman and Jenna Riggs of Mommy on a Shoestring

This summer, help your kids sharpen their math, reading, writing and social skills with these easy, fun and inexpensive ideas. 

Become a Reading Detective

Encourage your children to be reading detectives! Whether they’re toddlers or grade-schoolers everyone can play along. You can challenge your kids to find letters or words in a variety of places such as the park, zoo or local pool.  A fun idea might be to set up a game where your kids are tasked with finding a specific word such as “big” or “special” as many times as possible throughout the day.  You’ll be amazed by how adept your reading detectives will become.

Create a Reading Photo Album

If your children are fascinated with taking pictures, a reading photo album may be the perfect family project.  This idea was inspired by those funny You Tube videos where you see the same guy doing a dance in all sorts of different places such as The Parthenon in Greece or Times Square in New York.  In this less exotic version, your children will create a summer photo album filled with pictures of them reading in different places.  Some ideas include reading at the park, the beach, the hammock in the backyard, or even on top of a Ferris wheel.  You can make it a family challenge to come up with as many different and unique places as possible.

Open a Lemonade Stand

Help your kids get into the entrepreneurial spirit while strengthening their math skills with a timed honored lemonade stand.  Not only will your kids reinforce their measuring, counting, adding and subtracting skills, but they will also learn the value of a dollar.  To add meaning to the learning, use the proceeds to help fight childhood cancers.  Learn more at www.alexslemonade.org.

Put on a Puppet Show for Family, Friends and Neighbors

When I was an educational therapist, this was one of my favorite ways to incorporate reading, math and art into one giant project. Here are some helpful hints to make the experience extra-special.

• When adapting a story into a script, try choosing a well-loved fairytale or fable, which are often filled with a mixture of rich characters and interesting plot twists to keep the show moving along.
• Make puppets using tube socks, tacky glue, scraps of material, yarn, googly eyes and anything else you might have on hand.
• Use a large box, fabric and tacky glue to create a puppet stage. If you do not have an empty box on hand, try finding one at your local hardware or appliance store.
• Encourage your children to create their own playbill, which can be passed out to audience members as they arrive.  Not only is this a nice feature for the audience, it’s also an excellent writing exercise for your children.
• Don’t forget about refreshments!  Work with your children to bake treats such as cookies or cupcakes that can be “sold” during intermission or enjoyed after the show.  Cooking is an excellent way to incorporate sequencing, measuring and counting which are vital math skills at any level.

Take the Reading Challenge

Reading challenges and incentive programs are excellent ways to keep your kids reading all summer long. This year, PBS KIDS and iVillage are teaming up to create their own unique summer reading challenge which provides free activities, prizes and coaching from Angela Santomero, creator of the PBS KIDS series, “Super Why.” To learn more visit: www.ivillage.com/pbs.

Jenna Riggs and Beth Engelman are the creative talents and owners of Mommy on a Shoestring, a website and weekly radio show chock full of ideas on how families can live creatively and large on a small budget.

On Being a Dad Today

By Sandra Huber of the The Soulful Parent

We would all probably agree that when it comes to parenting things seem to have changed greatly in the last 50 years. I remember in the early years of our parenting journey, my husband and I realized the strengths and challenges we both brought into this new adventure of parenting. I read everything I could get my hands on; yet, even suggesting that he may need some additional sources of support was an endeavor that needed to handle with some sensitivity.

Many dads, in spite of their tough exterior, can be surprisingly insecure about their parenting abilities. It was important for my husband  to know that he wasn’t alone and that many other men struggle through the initial stages of fatherhood as well.

Years later now, I see the relationship my husband has with our daughter and I am always in awe of how intimate, fun and challenging it is. He’s not the father his father was. But, how does that happen? How do you become an affectionate, loving, caring, involved parent, when you didn’t have that as a role model growing up?  From where I stand, looking in, I see a daily commitment to show up in our daughter’s life fully; it’s a decision to express love in words as much as in deeds. It’s respecting when she says no and listening to her, encouraging her all the way, not in spite of the fact that she’s a girl, but because of it.

When I was growing up, a “good father” meant mostly a “good provider.” My dad, who I adore, supported our family financially, mowed the lawn, washed the car, and maintained discipline in the home. But things are different today for many families who have dads who want to be involved. I have discovered among my friends, that there is truly a new “breed” of dads out there. It’s important for them to allow their boys to learn to be gentle and kind, not always aggressive and competitive. I also see them encouraging and empowering their girls to go out and be assertive, to reach out for their goals. I have noticed that the boys my friends are raising and I know that they will not be afraid of or shamed out of expressing love and tenderness. I see the girls my friends are raising and can’t help but notice that they relish their strength with a sense of courage and adventure.

As I watch my daughter rough-house with this “bear of a man” that is my husband, I am touched by how he can be silly, playful yet knows when it’s time to be just a dad: flexible with rules, honoring decisions more than compliance, listening more and showing his love for our strong-willed daughter.

Have a Happy Father’s Day!

Getting the Car Organized for Summer Adventures

By Bobbie Friendman of Simplified by Bobbie

If your family is like mine, we ask A LOT of our car! But then again, we spend a lot of time in it… especially during the Summer. We run around to visit family and friends, take day trips and vacations, and make plenty of unexpected stops at the park and playground.

So right now is the perfect time to prepare your car for all of those Summer adventures. Think spontaneous, safe, simplified fun in the sun! Here is a list of things you should have on hand to make the most of all that driving around:

• Jump Rope: Perfect to relieve your child’s pent-up energy, at a rest stop, during a long road trip
• Ball or Frisbee:  Just something to have fun with at the park
• Sand Toys:  This is a must if you live by the beach or near a playground with a sand-box

• Towels:  We love to make pit-stops at streams, ponds, & lakes to stick our toes in or skip rocks… and it’s inevitable that we get back into the car with wet feet – or more.
• Extra outfit / swimsuit for the kids:  When you visit family & friends and the kids just HAVE to go swimming… or a water balloon battle gets out of control and everyone is soaked – no worries, you’re prepared.
• Plastic Bags:  Use them for gathering trash (to keep the car tidy) and for containing wet swimsuits.
• First Aid Kit:  Make sure to include band-aids as well as something to treat bug bites, scrapes, and burns.  Boo-boos seem to multiply during the Summer!
• Sunblock & Bug Spray:  Remember to reapply on both you and the kids after swimming & sweating.
• Blanket:  This is nice to have for impromptu picnics, cloud watching, star gazing, and chilly evenings.
• Inflatable Neck Pillow:  No more ‘pains in the neck’!  Use it for those long nap-inducing trips or when post-adventure exhaustion sets in.
• Wipes / Napkins:  Because Summer = Messy Fun (aka – melted ice-cream, sweaty brows, dirty fingers and stinky piggies)!
• Bottles of Water:  Just in case you forget to pack it or you’re out longer than expected… warm water is better than no water when you or the kids are dehydrated.

This might seem like a lot when you see it listed out (or strewn about the trunk), but it’s truly not that much when it’s all kept neatly organized in a container:

(This one is an inexpensive trunk bag made by Case Logic.  I love that it has outside pockets, handles on the sides, and velcro on the bottom so it doesn’t slide around!  You can also zip it closed if you’d prefer to not look at the contents.)

This “busy box” is simply a container made by Sterilite.  It tucks into the backseat pocket, and the other pocket is holding the inflatable neck pillow.

Go ahead and print this checklist, gather those goodies, and get ready for adventure.  It’s that simple!  You are now prepared to be spontaneous!

Relax, travel freely, and enjoy wherever this Summer takes you.

A Selfless Generation: Learning To Teach Children About Charitable Giving

In today’s culture of “Greed is Good” and “Dog Eat Dog” life, it can be pretty hard to teach children about charitable giving. To be nice these days is seen by kids as being “lame” or “un-cool”, and too often, can be misunderstood by other people as being a doormat or worse. I saw this as a challenge, when I saw my kids fight over the last cookie. They were so adamant about what was theirs that they couldn’t even get to an amicable solution. If they were so steadfastabout items that were “theirs”, I found it a good idea to get rid of the “MINE!” culture around our household.

It was a struggle at first, teaching my children how to be more giving, as kids their age (3 and 6) were used to fighting over everything. But little by little, I got them to share with each other. Even better, they were sharing with others less fortunate than them. Here is what worked in our household:

Teach by example.

My children see me rooting through my clothes each season to give to the Salvation Army, and I was delighted to see that after a few times of seeing me give my old clothes away, they wanted to do the same. Children are often fascinated with what their parents are doing, and are keen to imitate them. Show them the charitable things you do as a parent, and they will be most likely, interested in doing them as well. It could be as simple as giving away a few dollars on the church collection plate, to giving boxes out to Goodwill.

Explain what you’re doing and why.

Children are always curious about the why, what, where and how’s of the world, so always be vigilant in explaining your actions to your kids. Tell them why you responded to that neighbor that knocked on the door asking for help after their house caught on fire. Speak to them about the struggles of Aunt Linda during the recession, and why you’re giving them a helping hand in chores or babysitting their cousins when she is off finding work. You don’t have to give them each detail, or tell them everything, just explain to them, the most you
can, about why you want or need to do these things.

Show them how it works.

Step by step (with as much detail as possible and without scaring, or getting them too exposed to the world outside) show them how it works to give. Take them with you when you donate to the Salvation Army. Bring them the next time you volunteer at the soup kitchen to observe how things are going. When you throw a Christmas party for the underprivileged children of your parish or neighborhood, let them help in the details. Show them how much happiness a charitable gift can give people, and let them experience it firsthand. This year, for instance, I intend to involve Brandon and Sam in our neighborhood charity event by asking them if there are any of their old toys that they want to share with other kids.

Here are a few charitable activities you can do as a family:

• Spring cleaning giving to the Salvation Army – Clean out your closets while giving your unneeded clothes to the less fortunate will be a good bonding activity for the whole family. A clean house and a warm feeling in each heart are the best effects of this activity.
• Help your elders – It can be their grandparents, or other people’s grandparents, but volunteering at an old folks home can be a truly gratifying activity for the whole family. Encourage them to get to know the older generation, and give the grandpas and grandmas of others a smile on their face, with your kids providing the laughter.
• Gather in times of crisis – The global community is experiencing natural disaster over natural disaster, and seeing these unfold on our television screens can be unnerving for anyone. Get your children to be charitable to people across the world by sharing their allowances, or participating in fundraising activities like bake sales or car washes in the community, to show them how people help each other, even from thousands of miles
  away.

Charitable giving is a rewarding activity that will show your children that they are not alone in this world, and that even though they are going through difficulty and hardship, there is always someone who has it worse and deserves a helping hand going through it. As early as today, teach your kids to love others and give back to see them grow into generous, heartwarming adults.

Isabella York is a working mother who dedicated to teaching her children the importance of being self-less. She works for Balsam Hill, a purveyor of Artificial Christmas Trees in traditional and modern styles, and assorted other Christmas Trees.