Creating Confidence in Our Selves and Kids

By Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

Think about where your confidence or perhaps lack of confidence developed.  Perhaps you think it is linked to recent happenings in your life, but actually confidence begins to develop at a very early age.

As you were growing up, you were developing those “confidence muscles” and you either were given ways to build them, or they sat idle resulting in self-doubt and a lack of confidence.

It is our duty as parents to try to make our kids as well rounded, happy and confident as possible. It is a lot easier to bring up great kids than it is to try and fix problems caused by bad parenting choices when our kids have become adults.

It is critical that you provide a positive role model for your child. We are all a product of our upbringing and early environment, so being intentional in your actions and modeling confidence building character will inevitably tend to develop confidence in your children.

When thinking of characteristics or actions that parents can be purposeful in modeling or encouraging, I came up with quite a few that you should be taking into account if you having young children in your home.

Create a Happy and Safe Family Environment

Your home needs to be a place where everyone, regardless of age, is respected and admired.  When parents give their children respect, children are more likely to be respectful of you. This seems almost backwards thinking, we tend to think children should just respect us because we are the parent, but if you are not showing respect to your child – it can be hard for them to find things in you to respect.

Kids will be more confident in themselves if their parents actually seem to enjoy their company. If their parents make time to play with them and amuse them rather than sending them in to watch TV or play with their toys, they will have higher self esteem.  Find ways to engage with your child, especially with activities they enjoy.  When you provide an atmosphere of unity, a one for all – all for one spirit, it will return huge dividends.  If you would like more on this particular topic, please read my post I did earlier on Key Characteristics of a Strong Family.

Be Positive

If as a child, all you hear is your parents moaning and complaining about how hard life is, how difficult EVERYONE else makes their job, how awful the boss is, it is easy to see how the child can become negative about the world in general. Be careful when giving opinions that will provide no positive outcome.

Don’t let them hear you saying you can’t do x, y or z. Actions speak louder than words so if there is something you are afraid of doing or doubt yourself in – don’t let that opinion seep into their thinking and start to fester self-doubt in their abilities. Parents who approach everything in life with a “I can do that” attitude are much more likely to raise confident kids.

Use Praise Cautiously

Use praise with your children, but don’t overdo it. It is pointless to praise anybody if they haven’t put the effort into a task. There is a lot of conversation around how praise can benefit your child and how general, less specific praise can actually harm your child.  By being very specific in giving praise addressing a certain strength or seen perseverance you will be building confidence.  General praise given abundantly will begin to become redundant to become a type of handicap when your child expects praise for any accomplishment.  Children will learn when your praise comes with sincerity and when it is said just to please them.

Teaching Independence

Let your children solve their own problems or at least attempt to do so. Obviously the type of problem they are able to resolve will depend on their age.  The earlier you can begin encouraging problem solving skills the better your child will become in learning how to make good choices BEFORE they have a problem to solve.  When your child makes a mistake, help walk them through the options they have to “make it right” or remedy the issue.  This helps them learn the cause and effect of their choices.

Accept Your Child’s Feelings

Be careful to listen to your child and pay attention to what they are telling you – not what you think you hear. If a child comes home from school telling you that everyone else in the class is much smarter than them, the worst thing you can do is pat them on the head and tell them they are being silly. Instead, try and sit down with your child and ask them why they think that way. Acknowledge where those feelings may be steming from and have empathy.  Engage your kids in conversations instead of ignoring or dismissing their concerns builds trust and self-confidence.

Self-Reliance

Teaching kids to be self reliant helps them learn to be responsible and independent. They have the ability to make their own decisions and know the reasons why they make those decisions rather than just listening to what someone else is telling them to do.

Encourage your children to take care of their daily routine like brushing their teeth, feeding themselves, tying their own laces, etc. as soon as they get the hang of it. Add more responsibility as they increase their ability.

Children should be given responsibilities and held accountable if they do not fulfill their duties. This is one of the most important ways to build confidence.  Your child will develop a sense of importance and they will feel that their parents trust them to do the job.

High and Realistic Expectations

I am a big believer in setting high and realistic expectations.  Kids tend to live up to the expectations we set for them, so set the goal just at their reach or a little beyond to encourage them to stretch themselves. If you expect your child to not do their chores or always have late homework that is generally what they will live up to.  Find ways to celebrate their accomplishments when they meet these challenging expectations.  A family dinner in their honor will do more for their self-confidence then any new toy or monetary gift.

Look over these points and see where perhaps you lacked modeling when you grew up.  Consider ways you can build the confidence in yourself as a parent now – it is never too late to work on ourselves and honestly, parenting is the one thing that will certainly keep us on our toes learning and stretching ourselves.

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Her FREE 5 part mini series: “The Opening Act” is helping moms worldwide become the calm mom they want to be!

Organizing Family Documents

Laura Rolands of My Attention Coach

Small Steps Matter

If your family documents are disorganized or unorganized, chances are the idea of getting yourself organized is overwhelming.  Those stacks of papers, books, toys or other stuff can be pretty imposing can’t they?  Remove some of that pressure by taking some smaller steps to get your documents organized.  True, you would rather get it all done today, but you need to determine whether that is realistic.  If it is not realistic or seems too overwhelming, take a short time today to identify small steps that you can take to overcome at least some of your disorganization.

Set Goals for Getting Organized

Before you begin getting your family documents organized, think about what goals you have regarding this documents.  What documents need to be organized? What can you accomplish once they are organized?  What small steps can you take?

Small Steps to Implement

If you have family documents to organize, pick a couple of the steps below to implement and start moving toward organization success.

• Set a timer for 10 minutes and organize one stack of documents.
• Define somewhere for the documents to “live”.  Binders, file folders, and other storage tools are good bets.  There are some great options here at Families with Purpose!
• Make an appointment with yourself to organize.  Check in with yourself – how much time works best for you?
• Systematize:  Set up a simple system for yourself when going through the mail.  Give yourself a few options such as File, Trash, Do and Delegate.
• Motivate:  Identify a reward for yourself when you accomplish a small goal.  Anything that will keep you going and that is affordable for you is a good idea.
• Get help!  Kids and spouses should be involved in the establishment and maintenance of organizing family documents.
• Limit distractions when you are getting organized.  For example, turn off your computer and don’t answer the phone.  It will take a significant amount of time to refocus on the organizing which makes the overall process take longer.
• Set up simple file folders that work for you.  Label them in bright colors and use them!

How do you organize your family documents?

Laura Rolands is the founder of LSR Coaching and Consulting, LLC. She is a coach whose passion is to support, lead and inspire independence and success for people who have either been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD or who are facing other attention-related challenges. Her clients include individuals with attention-related challenges and/or their parents. If you have any questions or more suggestions to add, please visit her website at www.MyAttentionCoach.com.

The School Paper Monster

By Jennifer Ascher of Organizing without Limits

For most of us we are about 2 weeks into the school year. Has the school paper monster invaded your home yet? If you haven’t already set up a system for dealing with the paper monster it is not too late. Here are some ways to get you started.

To start: designate a place for ALL incoming school papers for the KIDS to place the papers. (Not on the counter, entry way, or dining table!). I like to use stackable sorting bins for this. Designate one per child and one for you. The bin for mom is where any papers that the child brings home that you need to look over or needs your attention/signature goes. Don’t forget to mark important dates on your calendar as you are going thru the papers. This is also where my kids put their homework that is completed that I need to check. Don’t forget to mark important dates on your calendar as you are going thru the papers. Once you have gone thru the papers anything that needs to be returned back to school put back into your child’s bin. If it’s in their bin, they know that it needs to go into their backpack and back to school the next day. By creating an In/Out system for children to deliver and retrieve paperwork for you, you will create a system that teaches accountability and is habit building for your children and you!
For all other papers that are not going back to school sort and handle as follows:

Papers frequently referenced throughout the year (calendars, class rules, school handbook, contact info, etc.) I recommend a school “command center” binder or file folders. Use tabs marked either by child or subject. Basically this is your reference binder or folders place anything you need to reference frequently throughout the year. Purge at the end of the school year or at report card time, or as extracurricular activities end during the year. In my house I also have a cork board where I put papers such as the lunch schedules, reminder notes, class schedules, school events coming up etc. In the summer time the board is used for baseball schedules or any other sports schedules or kids related activities .Each week remove and toss papers that are not pertinent anymore.

Keepsakes (art, great grades, creative work, certificates etc.) Rule of thumb: Give each “masterpiece” or “90-100%” 1 week on the fridge or other prominent showcase. Then toss. For things you want to keep limit them to one manila envelope or a file folder. Don’t forget to label, be sure to include: Name, Age, Grade and School Year. Review and “edit” further if needed/desired at the end of each school year. This is also where I keep the final report card.

By designating and setting up these areas and systems to handle all school related papers, you can  decide  what to keep, where to store, and quickly retrieve information as needed.

Do you have other ideas to deal with the paper monster? Share them on our Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/organizingwithoutlimitsbiz

Jennifer Ascher is an Organizing Coach and owner of Organizing Without Limits. It is her belief that organizing goes beyond pantries, closets or even time management. It’s about taking control of your WHOLE LIFE.

Organizing Without Limits provides organizing solutions to transform your life and offers both hands-on and virtual organizing services. You can reach Jennifer at http://www.organizingwithoutlimits.com

Teaching Our Children to Dream

By Melanie Moore of Only a Breath

My seven-year-old son often talks about wanting to become an astronaut or a fighter pilot. As he chats away about all of the exciting adventures he will have, I squirm uncomfortably in my chair. My mommy heart wants only to protect him from any potential harm, either real or imagined. As he imagines scenes of fast-flying aircraft and walking on the moon, I see scenes of fiery crashes and last-minute airplane ejections.
It’s not that I am a negative person. Actually, I would describe myself as an extremely optimistic person. However, when my mommy heart senses danger for my little ones, I tend to warp into “protective mode”. It’s not that I want them locked up in their rooms until they are ninety years old. However, as the one entrusted to keep them safe from all harm, I am always on the lookup. I wanted to keep all potential harm away from them.
…until I realized that I was the one causing the harm.

I have learned that my job as a mom is to recognize when my child has a “dream seed“. When I notice an interest shown by my child, it is my job as a parent to cultivate that dream and to help it to grow. Don’t get me wrong — if he has dreams of becoming a ten-foot-tall purple alien who only eats cupcakes, I’m going to have to put my foot down! However, I want him to live his life and fearlessly pursue his interests.

Many parents mean well when they reduce their children’s dreams. After all, we have all seen disappointment and unmet expectations, and it is absolutely heartbreaking. No one wants their children to face that. So, we encourage them to be “practical” and reduce the size of their dreams in order to meet a fraction of what they wish to be, rather than miss the total.
What if we were to encourage our children to reach their fullest potential? What if we truly believed in them, and their ability to work to reach the highest goal their hearts can imagine? What would a new generation of children who believed that their lives could make a difference look like? Can you imagine the change that would take place in our homes, our countries, and our world?

When my son dreams aloud, I want to be the person to come up behind him and place my hand on his shoulder in support. I want him to know that no matter what comes his way, I will be there to encourage him and support him in any way possible. The people who we remember and celebrate long after their lives have ended are the ones who have reached for their highest dream. I believe that we can be the parents who stand behind the next generation of dreamers, cheering them all the way!

Are You Organized for an Emergency?

By Bobbie Friedman of Simplified by Bobbie

Fear, helplessness, and panic. These are words that come to mind when I think back to the recent earthquakes, hurricanes, and temperamental weather here on the east coast; and perhaps even more so as we approach the 10 year anniversary of 9/11.

My family was very fortunate to only be directly affected by these things in a minimal way.  But the stories I’ve heard of floods, loss of power, evacuations, and of course the tragedies of 9/11 really got me thinking…  If I was in those situations, would I be prepared?  Would you?  Would your children? My answer was no, and that was a scary reality.  So I decided to do something about it – I’m getting organized for an emergency, and urge you to do the same.  (This organizing project also happens to be very timely as September is National Preparedness Month.)

First let me share a secret that you may be able to relate to.  Before I even started making a checklist, a plan, or our supply kit I had to stop and give myself a little talking to… something to calm down that immediate anxiety I felt when I had to imagine myself (and my family) in these situations.  Do you know what I mean?  It’s not a nice feeling at all, however it’s one of those times when you have to plan for the worst and pray for the best.

As I started to wonder what in the world I could do to be prepared for anything, I found some amazing resources.  (So, I didn’t attempt to “recreate the wheel” because I know there are highly qualified organizations who have done an outstanding job sharing with us exactly what to do.)  But I would like to provide a list of these resources in one convenient place and an understanding of how to best utilize each.  (I recommend that you bookmark these together in a folder titled Emergency Planning.)

http://www.ready.gov/ Ready encourages everyone to “Get a Kit, Make a Plan, and Be Informed.”  I suggest visiting this site as your first step in emergency planning.  I was amazed at all of the checklists, forms, and plans they provide!  You can print a detailed supply list for your emergency kit, guide to make a family emergency plan, and all of the corresponding documents you’ll need for your emergency plan.  They have thought of everything.

http://www.fema.gov/kids/ FEMA for Kids is a wonderful resource to use when teaching your children how to prepare for emergencies.   Your child can play games, read stories, and become a “Disaster Action Kid” (and even earn a certificate).  I think one of their best ideas is to have a Scavenger Hunt to collect items for the emergency kit; this is a great way to get your children involved!

http://www.noaa.gov/  NOAA is an amazing source for daily weather forecasts, weather warnings & alerts, and climate monitoring / tracking.  This is where I go when I need to know any and all things weather related.

http://www.redcross.org/  The Red Cross is the nation’s premier emergency response organization; they provide relief to people and places affected by disasters.  Visit their website to find your local chapter and get involved:  take a class, purchase an emergency kit, volunteer your time, donate funds, or give blood.  As Hurricane Irene became the record breaking 10th billion-dollar weather disaster this year, there is no doubt The Red Cross could use some help.

So now you have the resources, what are you going to do next?  Go turn fear into confidence, helplessness into strength, and panic into calm.

“Prepare. Plan. Stay Informed.”

Bobbie Friedman is a Professional Organizer, Home Management Consultant, and the owner of Simplified by Bobbie located in Pennsylvania.  She is dedicated to helping individuals and families simplify their lives!  Through personalized organizing services, hands-on help, and knowledgeable guidance she’ll help you establish effective ways to manage your schedule and home; turning CoMpLiCaTeD into Simplified.

Visit www.simplifiedbybobbie.com to learn more, view before & after photos, and read helpful organizing tips.  Contact Bobbie for your FREE phone consultation, and make your space & time work for you

Back to School: 4 Tips for helping your Kids make Friends

By Beth Engelman and Jenna Riggs of Mommy on a Shoestring

Worried about your kids making friends at school? You’re not alone. In a recent poll conducted by the folks at iVillage (www.iVillage.com), 63% of those surveyed are worried about their kids making friends and a whopping 70% feel their kids have a hard time developing new friendships.  Recently. I sat down with Liz Zack, Editorial Director of iVillage’s Pregnancy & Parenting channel to identify the top tips for helping kids make friends as recommended by leading experts and members of the iVillage community.

Proactive Playdates

Whether your child is new to the school or a returning student, now is the perfect time to set up some playdates.  For new kids, playdates offer a wonderful opportunity to help children meet their peers in a one-on-one or small group setting while returning students will benefit from developing new friendships with soon-to-be classmates.  When planning a playdate, give your child every opportunity for success by hosting the event in your home, where your child feels most confident and comfortable. “Just remember” cautions Zack, “set-up playdates with an even number of kids so as to ensure no one feels left out.”

Arrive to Early

There is not such thing as fashionably late when it comes to making friends.  Arriving early for school gives children the chance to share what Zack calls “the magic time” which is when kids unpack backpacks and settle in for school.  For younger kids who typically start off the day with free play or “choice time” arriving early means the difference between leading an activity and having to join one already in progress.

Conversation Starters

If your child is extremely shy or has a hard time initiating social interaction try using conversation starters.  Brainstorm with your child things she can say to her classmates that are specific, positive and invite further conversation.  For example, if your child notices another girl wearing a princess shirt she might say, “I see you like princess, I do too! Do you want to play princesses together?” Helping kids learn how to engage with others is the first step in helping them develop greater confidence in social settings.

Don’t Let ‘Em See You Sweat

Most children are extremely intuitive when it comes to parental anxiety.  The more you worry about the start of school, the more anxious your child is likely to become so try to relax and enjoy this time with your child. For more information on helping your kids make friends as well as other parenting issues visit http://www.ivillage.com/pregnancy-parenting.

Jenna Riggs and Beth Engelman are the creative talents and owners of Mommy on a Shoestring, a website and weekly radio show chock full of ideas on how families can live creatively and large on a small budget.