2008 Edition of 8 Weeks to a Frazzle Free Christmas

Make your Christmas preparations easy this year with the 2008 edition of 8 Weeks to a Frazzle Free Christmas, a completely free e-book walking busy parents through the holiday rush and preparations one week at a time.  The e-book is completely free and also offers a sign-up for optional daily and weekly reminders.  The new 8 week session begins October 20th and ends on December 14th.

Holiday Survival Guide, Part II

By Hal Runkel, LMFT

Now that you have read Part I and you’ve successfully regained your calm, you can put the following structures in place to create the kind of holiday you’ll be happy to remember.

1. Slow Down

We learned this one from our daughter Hannah when she was about 6 years old. On that Christmas morning, everyone started tearing into their presents. There were at least 15 people there and it was complete pandemonium. As I scanned the room with the video camera, I caught sight of my daughter tenderly holding a stuffed dog and shushing it. It was the first present that she had opened that morning and she hadn’t touched the rest of her huge stack. The grandparents caught sight of it as well and they began pressuring her to open the rest of her gifts. She was enjoying her dog and she saw no reason to hurry along. She was overloaded by all of the chaos and she realized something that we hadn’t: by rushing through the opening of gifts, we were actually cheapening the activity. Now, our family takes its cue from her and opens presents one person at a time, one gift at a time. Sure it takes a while, but that’s the fun part. It reduces stimulus overload, it gives time for pictures, it builds lasting memories.

2. Speed Up

The old aphorism is true: fish and visitors smell in 3 days. Keep your family “trips” short and sweet. It’s always better to leave on a good note than to overstay your welcome. If you do find yourself staying longer than you’d like, remember this fact: just because you’re staying at someone’s house, doesn’t mean you should spend all of your time together. That’s just too much pressure on everyone involved. We shouldn’t be shocked one family member lets off steam — that’s what pressure cookers do. So, build in pressure release valves in the form of one on one time with each of your kids. Let them vent. Empathize with them if they are annoyed by a cousin or if they miss their friends. By simply giving them a safe place to talk, you’ll be creating lasting memories and building relationships. If you struggle with listening (a difficult skill, to be sure), remember the three best words you can use to get kids talking: “Tell me more.”

3. Idle

Take care of yourself during these most stressful of days. Take a really long shower — go see a movie — take a walk — go and get some coffee. Recharge and renew. If you can take mini-retreats away from it all — even in the midst of it all, you’ll be better equipped to be calm, cool, and connected when you return.

Hal Runkel, LMFT, is the author of ScreamFree Parenting and founder of ScreamFree Living. For more information, visit www.screamfree.com

Holiday Survival Guide, Part I

By Hal Runkel, LMFT

When Andy Williams sang the lyric, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year”, he must have been joking. What with presents to buy, parties to attend, and cheer to spread, we often find ourselves wondering what the heck is so happy about the holidays. If that describes you at all, it’s time for a little ScreamFree in your life. Here are three principles to guide you through the holidays with your sanity in tact.

1. Our kids are going to reflect our own attitudes and emotions.

If they are anxious, they are picking that up from us; if they are ungrateful, it’s because we’ve trained them to be that way; if they are unruly, it’s because we’ve allowed the craziness of the holiday to override their need for structure. Just the other day, I saw a bumper sticker that perfectly illustrates this concept. It read: My kids think I’m an ATM machine. This begs the question . . . Where did they get that crazy idea?

A common complaint that I get around the holidays is that kids are acting greedy when the holiday is supposed to be about giving. By recognizing the fact that kids are feeding off of our energy way more than we can ever imagine, we can start to see that we train our kids to be greedy by giving them far too much — it’s not the other way around.

If you find yourself frustrated with your children around the holidays, stop for a moment and take a look at what messages you are sending out.

2. Family vacation is an oxymoron.

Jerry Seinfeld said it best when he declared, “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” You don’t vacation with your children to see your family. You travel. Few things are more taxing than packing up the kids and braving the airport or the highways during the holiday season. If we kept that in mind, we might be able to keep our cool a bit better. But, when we either travel to be with our loved ones or they travel to be with us, we tend to forget how hard it is and we put far too much pressure on ourselves and those around us to have a “happy holiday”. We idealize the holiday season and begin to look for it to make up for the difficult things inherent in any family unit. In short, we expect the holidays to be the salve of the year.

With so much riding on this “vacation”, we tend to put an enormous amount of pressure on ourselves and everyone else to have a wonderful time. We set our expectations unrealistically high and feel like failures when reality falls short.

So, if Jerry was right, what can we do? There are two things you can do to release some of that pressure before it even begins to build:

* Find a middle ground between Norman Rockwell and Norman Bates. If we temper our expectations with a healthy dose of reality and perspective, the chances of actually having a fun family holiday increase dramatically. A simple phrase to remember might be, “It won’t be the worst holiday ever unless I try to make it the best.”

* Live in the present. As John Lennon said, “Life is what happens while we’re busy making other plans.” And starting right after Halloween, retail stores, commercials, and radio stations start pushing you towards those perfect holiday plans before you can even steal the last KitKat from your child’s candy stash. This may sound strange, but try this tip: Talk about plans only when absolutely necessary.

While some amount of anticipation is enjoyable, too much of it will actually increase the level of expectations we have and it will ultimately distract you from the present, which is really where your kids need you the most.

3. Remember it’s always easier to complain than it is to change.

Take a moment to think about what goes on with your children or your extended family during the holidays that just drives you nuts.

* Little Jason throws a tantrum because grandma bought him the wrong video game. * Your mother spoils your kids rotten and makes your presents look like a joke. * Your brother and his ungrateful brood leave their dirty clothes all over your floor and never pitch in after dinner to clean up.

Now think about this: It is far easier to point out what everyone else does during the holidays to make life miserable, but it’s far more difficult to point out our own shortcomings. But even though it is certainly more difficult, it is ultimately more beneficial. Remember, you are the only one that you can change. The next time you find yourself frustrated with your kids, remember this fact. Buying into this concept can allow you to focus on yourself and begin creating the type of holiday you’ve always wanted.

If you really want to have a better, more peaceful holiday this year with your kids (or anyone for that matter), turn the tables on traditional finger pointing. Instead of finding blame, ask questions! Ask your spouse and your kids what you do around the holidays that seems to get under their skin.

Read more….Holiday Survival Guide, Part II

Hal Runkel, LMFT, is the author of ScreamFree Parenting and founder of ScreamFree Living. For more information, visit www.screamfree.com

A Parenting Tip - Create a Sane Holiday Season Now

By: Colleen Langenfeld

Could you benefit from a useful parenting tip with practical applications? Most parents
can. As a mother and a business owner who has worked with hundreds of moms over the past few years, I often hear the same thing.

“This year, it will be different,” these overwhelmed moms sigh as the holiday season draws near. “I won’t let my family do so many activities. It won’t be such a blur! We’re going to have a sane holiday this year.”

Starting to sound like a New Year’s Resolution, isn’t it? Great idea…if only you could pull it off.

Well, this year you can.

I have been parenting for over 26 years. As a mom, I know how crazy the end of the year has become for our whole culture. Not only is there an abundance of activities for adults, but our children have been pulled into the madness as well, with nearly unlimited opportunities of their own. To top it off, most of these activities are good, even excellent.

Feeling a little overwhelmed just thinking about it? Me, too.

So here’s a parenting tip with long term consequences: let’s get on top of this situation now, while the season is still in front of us and we actually have time to plan. Pull out a calendar and ask yourself how you really want your holiday season to be this year.

For example…

• Do you enjoy having an activity every evening?

• Do you enjoy activities away from home or at home? Or a mix?

• Do you want your kids to primarily do activities with their friends or with their family? (I really hope you’re choosing family!)

• What traditions are most important to you? Baking cookies? Sending cards? Caroling? Helping in your community? Serving in your house of worship?

• Do your children even understand “why” this time of year is so precious? Do they understand the religious and historical backgrounds of the holidays you celebrate?

So what’s the bottom line here? Stop trying to do everything and concentrate on one or
two activities that are truly meaningful to your family. YOU decide the important messages you want to impress upon your children this holiday season. You can choose from the long-established traditions to teach those messages or create brand new traditions that your family will love embracing.

Making family memories is what will stay with your family, year after year. It’s what your
children will take with them into adulthood. It is what they will form their own family traditions on.

They won’t remember all the hectic activities. But they will remember things like this: that every year, on the weekend after Thanksgiving, we get the Christmas decorations out of storage, snuggle up with hot chocolate, and fondly reminisce over the history of each ornament. It’s the story of our family, remembered and added to each year.

That’s one of my children’s favorite holiday traditions. Pretty simple, huh? But my grown sons speak fondly of this tradition so I know it has been important to them. And I continue it now with my daughters.

Do you see what else is going on here? Besides the warm fuzzies, I am now much more aware of the powerful influence I have as my children’s parent. And it makes it easier for me to intentionally use making memories to teach them what I believe is most important for them to know.

So what is my most excellent parenting tip for you this holiday season? Stop going with the flow. Instead think, plan and create your family’s holiday memories this season. Be intentional with your family’s limited time (and energy), and encourage peace, laughter and thoughtfulness during this blessed and holy time of the year.

About the Author
Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for over 26 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com. Visit her website to get the parenting tip you need today.

8 Weeks to a Frazzle Free Christmas

Join me as I set out this year to take control of our holiday preparations and strive to complete them an entire two weeks before Christmas. Beginning on October 16th and ending on December 9th, my 8 Week Plan to a Frazzle Free Christmas will guide me along with any willing and able participants through all of the holiday preparations and craziness that comes along with getting ready for the holiday. Download the free ebook, subscribe to receive daily and weekly reminders, tips, and hints, and follow along in my blog as I set out to conquer the craziness and actually enjoy the holiday rather than fear it. I will be ready by December 9th even if it kills me!

Help for the Holidays - Avoid Overscheduling

The last two days we talked about starting and planning early for the holidays, so today let’s talk about not overscheduling the family. Nothing leads to more stress and “grumpiness” than overscheduled and over tired parents and kids. So what can you do to avoid it this year? Get out your family calendar and write down (use a pencil) every thing that has been planned so far. Include everything that will require the time of any family member. Doctor appointments, work commitments, school plays and parties, field trips, Christmas tree decorating plans, visits with Santa, office parties, neighborhood parties, cookie baking plans, church obligations, Hanukkah shopping, Christmas shopping. After you get everything penciled in, check to see if there is any time left for just “hanging out”. If your schedule just has you running from event to event, then you need to stop and make some changes. What are the “must do’s” versus the “nice to do’s” on the schedule? If you have too many “must do’s” look for ways to simplify the events (i.e. buying most of the gifts on-line rather than in the stores) or sharing the events with another family or person. For the “nice to do’s”, start asking yourselves how really important is the event and if it can be skipped this year and replaced with something simpler at home. So help your kids remember the little things in life, by making those hard calendar choices now. Your kids will thank you later.

Help for the Holidays - Starting Early

Yesterday we talked about coping with the holiday madness and planning early. Today let’s talk about starting early. I know what you are saying….”I don’t feel like thinking about Christmas…it’s not even Thanksgiving” or “Hanukkah is still 6 weeks away, I have plenty of time”…. I say things like this to myself all the time and end up regretting them because I don’t have a lot of time and 6 weeks goes by very fast. So like me do your best to fight these thoughts and start early. Here are some tips to help make it easier.

Now that you have your list done (see yesterday’s post), you need to actually start working on some of the things on the list. Everyday make a commitment to work on at least one item on the list. Some items will take more than a day to complete, so just do a little bit every day. Start with those items needing to get done the soonest and the ones requiring the most effort and time (like gift shopping). Use a notebook or Christmas Holiday Planner to keep you organized and everything in one place. When you run into obstacles and don’t accomplish something you set out to do, don’t get frustrated and stop. Take a break and finish up again tomorrow. If you stick to this routine, before long everything on your list will get done and you will actually have time to enjoy the holidays. Another tip is to delegate! This year I am delegating the family Christmas Letter to my oldest daughter. She loves to write and will do a great job. I will give her some thoughts of what to include and of course edit, but will rely on her to write the letter. I’m sure our family and friends will enjoy the new perspective of a 9 year old and I suddenly feel a little less stressed. So remember, plan eary and start early so you have time to enjoy the little things in life. Your kids will thank you later.

Families with Purpose

Help for the Holidays

Now that we are a good week into November, every family needs to start thinking about the upcoming holiday season and how to ensure that their holidays don’t become a crazed madness that results in tired, stressed parents. The holidays aren’t just for kids, parents need to enjoy them too and they can’t if they are constantly running and overwhelmed. So to help parents manage and hopefully really relax and enjoy the holidays, I have three tips - plan early, start early, and don’t overschedule. Today we’ll talk about planning early.

If you want to really enjoy the holiday season, then you need to start planning now. Start with a list of things you need to get done. It’s all right if you can’t come up with a complete list at one sitting. The things you have forgotten will most likely come to you as you’re driving to the dentist, washing dishes, or folding laundry. Just keep your list handy and out where you can see it. That way as things come to you, you can quickly write them down. Don’t put your list neatly away in a drawer, or you will never see it and most likely not use it. Here is a list to get you started. I’ll add to it as I remember new things….

Thanksgiving dinner and plans
Holiday travel plans
Holiday cards, labels, and stamps
Holiday gift list (just the names of the people to buy for, not all of the gift ideas)
Holiday decorations
Visits or breakfasts with Santa?
Holiday parties and get togethers
Buy presents
Wrap presents
Mail presents
Holiday cookies
Family Christmas letter for the holiday cards
Christmas tree
Pictures of the kids for the holiday cards

Still need more help? Then consider a Christmas Holiday Planner to help get yourself organized for the holidays. Everything you’ll need to plan and organize for Christmas.

Families with Purpose