Planning Your Family Vacation

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

I spent hours and hours planning our family vacation to Disney world.  I read the right books, visited and subscribed to all the popular websites, made reservations in advance, and when all of it was done I had detailed plans day by day of how we would spend our days at Disney World.  My carefully crafted plans minimized wait times, allowed for rest times in the afternoon, and had us blissfully enjoying our 7 day stay at a comfortable pace.  Though my plans were extremely thorough they didn’t take into account my husband’s theme park strategies.  Strategies he had developed over the years of standing in long lines and having limited funds.  A strategy that was a combination of engineering ingenuity and a Superman like pace that no human (including me and the girls) could keep up with.  Don’t get me wrong, his strategy had some great points and if we had talked about his strategies BEFORE the trip and BEFORE I had spent hours and hours of planning things would have gone a lot smoother.            

Avoiding arguments is just one reason why it is helpful for families to spend some time prior to their family vacations planning them together rather than leaving the planning up to the parents or in our case just one parent.  Planning family vacations together makes kids feel involved, gives them a voice, and teaches them how to plan.  Planning family vacations together also helps build cohesiveness and closeness in a family by allowing families to share excitement and a sense of fulfillment after the vacation is over and all has gone well. 

So to get your family vacation off to a great start this summer try these family planning suggestions: 

To get things rolling, start by scheduling a couple of times on your family calendar or in your planner when you and the family can sit down together to discuss the vacation.  The bigger and longer the trip the more time you will need.  Also, take into account the ages of your kids.  A general rule of thumb is the younger the kids the shorter the meeting.  It is better to hold several short family meetings rather than a couple longs one if your children are young.  Make sure everyone knows about the family meetings.

If married, talk with your spouse beforehand about any specific parental decisions that need to be made.  Things like budget, activities that are off limits, sleeping arrangements, and means of transportation (car or plane).  Parents should be united before the meeting on the big things so that it doesn’t distract from the other decisions that the kids can help make.

If your children are small (ages 3-7), print off pictures or have brochures handy to show them what the vacation spot will look like and what their choices of activities will be.  Don’t overwhelm them with a lot of choices.  Pick some of the more interesting ones, and let them choose a few.  If your children are older (ages 8 and up) get them involved by asking them to do some research on the computer before the meeting.  Let them look up possible activities and outings and interesting places to stay and have them come prepared to the family meeting with their findings.

Negotiate the differences of opinions by taking votes and possibly splitting into two separate groups for a while.  For example if your son absolutely loves alligators, but your daughter would prefer to skip them, make plans for one parent to take your son to see the alligator exhibit and another parent to either stay behind with your daughter or to do something she enjoys.  Just be careful to not let your FAMILY vacation become a fragmented vacation.  It is okay to split up for some things, but try and make sure that the majority of the vacation is spent together.  Another option is to just compromise and spend time at exhibits and activities that everyone enjoys.

If your children are old enough, give them responsibility to pack their things by giving them their own travel packing checklist.  If they can’t read yet, but are anxious to pack their things, make them their own packing list using pictures rather than words.

Use your family journal to help keep notes of your discussions and decisions.  Put one of the older children in charge of keeping the notes.

If you feel comfortable telling them, share the vacation budget with the kids and let them help you keep track of how much everything is going to cost.  This is a great way of teaching the kids the value of money and how to budget. 

Let the kids help plan the travel games or car activities and get them packed for the trip.  Using a DVD player to help pass the time?  Let the kids each choose a couple of movies and give them responsibility for getting them packed.

Once all the plans have been finalized, ask one of the kids to update your travel organizer with the itinerary and important contact information.  While on vacation, let the kids get involved by entering in the vacation expenses. 

Lastly, document your memories.  Give each of your kids a disposable camera and let them take pictures and write about their vacation in either your family journal or a travel journal. 

Though our family vacation to Disney World was a great time and is the source of some wonderful memories for all of us, it did result in some stress along the way; stress and arguments that could have been avoided if we had just taken some time to plan the vacation together rather than separately.  So give yourself and your family the gift of a wonderfully pleasant vacation by planning it together!

Family Fitness Challenge

Exercise has never been at the top of my list of fun things to do and I do whatever I can to not fit it into my schedule.  My husband has a slightly more positive outlook and manages to fit in weekly volleyball games, bike rides in warm weather, and an occasional workout on our home exercise equipment.   And if it weren’t for the really comfortable overstuffed chair that always seems to call his name, he would be more active as well.  If we didn’t have kids we would maybe be more accepting of our sedentary lifestyle and feel a lot less pressure to exercise and stay fit, but because we believe in walking the talk with our kids we are forced into making honest attempts at exercise and eating healthy. 

So to give ourselves a boost of enthusiasm, we have implemented the Family Fitness Challenge this spring.  It is our simple little way of teaching the kids about eating healthy and exercising as well as fitting in some fun quality family time as well. 

Simply stated, a Family Fitness Challenge is an exercise and healthy habit plan we came up with together to try and make healthier choices.  We have established a few goals and will track our progress over the spring and summer months with occasional rewards thrown in along the way.  Here is our fitness challenge for this spring:

Eat 3 healthy meals 6 days a week

Exercise 3 times a week one of which has to be as a family

Eat only 2 junky snacks a day

Eat only 1 sugary cereal 1 day a week

So if you are like us and are looking for some creative ways to get your family moving here are some tips and suggestions to help you get your Family Fitness Challenge going:

Make your goals as a family, asking one of the older children to write them down.

Make your fitness goals realistic.  It is better to start small and then build up rather than set them too high and fail.  Be mindful of your family’s schedule, routines, and personality while writing your fitness goals.  Make your fitness goals fit your family rather than forcing your family to fit your goals.

If your family fitness goals include cutting back on junk food, you may have to consider thinking through and defining as a family what is and isn’t junk food as well as appropriate serving sizes. 

Use a fitness chart to track your progress and let your kids take turns handing out the gold stars.  You can create your own or use our template.

                Family Fitness Challenge Progress Chart - PDF Version

Build in rewards along the way.  For example, a possible reward may be a night at the movies after 4 weeks of consistently meeting your goals.

Don’t set weight goals for your kids.  Keep the goals focused on fun, eating healthy, and exercise.

For more complex goals, consider using a fitness notebook to help keep track of your progress.

Good luck!

Family Travel Goals

My kids are big dreamers.  Recently we sat down as a family to set some family vacation goals and at the top of the family’s list was a family vacation to Hawaii.  Obviously the kids don’t grasp the magnitude of what a family vacation for 6 will cost, but since they outnumber us (parent’s remember this if you are thinking about having a third child) we have Hawaii at the top of our list.  But just because Hawaii is at the top of our list and is what we are saving for in our Family Vacation Jar doesn’t mean we will be going there anytime too soon.  We will probably have to amuse ourselves with some family vacations in the continental United States for a while.  But we still keep it at the top of our list and are making plans and dreams to someday get there. 

The benefit of setting family vacation goals is the satisfaction, closeness, and pride family members gain by accomplishing something together as a family.  The destination is the reward.

So how does a family go about setting family vacation goals?  Here are some tips and suggestions to help you get started.

Take some time as a family to sit down together and talk about all the fun places you would like to vacation to as a family. Don’t be critical of any of the ideas, just write them down for now. Ask one of the older children who can write to be in charge of making the list.

Once the list is completed, talk over the pros and cons of some of the trips. Are some of them really expensive (like Hawaii…), are all the kids old enough to really enjoy them, how will we get there, how long will they take, etc.

After you have discussed all the ideas, take a family vote as to which ones go at the top. Either re-write your list with the first choices at the top or make a special indication on your current list of which ones where the family’s top picks. Save your list in your family travel file or paperwork organizer folder to help you remember and for future discussions.

Start making plans for one of your top choices.

If one of your top choices is a big expensive one like our trip to Hawaii, start making long range plans by tackling the Yeah But’s.

Good luck!

Tackling the Yeah But’s

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

For any family goal (or personal goal for that matter) to be successful, families need to take the time to discuss the Yeah But’s; the hurdles of any family goal we don’t know how to overcome, and if we don’t will doom the success of the family goals.

What are Yeah But’s?

Yeah But’s are always the sentences that come at the end of every statement or affirmation of change. I want to spend more time with my kids, BUT my boss requires I work weekends. We want to take a trip to Disney World, BUT it is very expensive and we don’t know how we can afford it. Yeah But’s are always the big sighs we express when contemplating doing something different with our lives or making a hard change.

The Yeah But’s are what stop us from realizing our family goals and are the reasons our family goals fail and the reason we stop setting goals after a while. If you don’t address the Yeah But’s then you never address the real problems and lasting change in any family will never occur.

How to Tackle the Yeah But’s

After setting your family goals, the next step in the process is to focus on identifying and tackling the Yeah But’s.

Similar to the goal setting exercise, gather some paper, pencils, your completed family goal setting chart, and if you are using one a table top flip chart. Be sure to pick a time when distractions will be minimized and when everyone is feeling fresh.

Start by reviewing the family goals you established. If your kids are old enough, let them take the lead with this task. It will give them experience talking in front of people and help develop self confidence.

Next, start by defining for the family what a Yeah But means. Use a simple definition, so that the kids can easily grasp the concept. For example you might start by giving them an example of a Yeah But as it relates to your family goals. Or try saying something like, “Yeah But’s are the hard things we have to understand and solve to make our family goal successful.” Once everyone understands the concept of Yeah But’s it is time to move on to the next step.

Begin with the first family goal on your list and as a family start listing all the Yeah But’s for that goal. If your kids are old enough you can assign the job of listing the Yeah But’s to one of the kids. Some of the Yeah But’s will be simple and take little time to solve and others will be more complex and take longer to address. The key is to just list the Yeah But’s at first and not get buried in discussions of how to solve them. Here is an example of a family goal and some of the Yeah But’s:

Family Goal – All of the kids will get all A’s on all their report cards

Yeah But’s

It is hard to find the time to study everyday

Math is really hard

Mom and Dad don’t have a lot of time to help the kids

It is hard to keep track of all the assignments

After the Yeah Buts are listed, it is time to write down actions to overcome and address each Yeah But. This is where it will get hard for most families because many of the Yeah But’s require sacrifices and the willingness to change. Here are some possible actions to overcome the Yeah But’s in our example:

Actions

Set aside one hour after dinner every night to study. Mom and Dad will turn off the TV and stop all work and chores to just focus on helping the kids with homework. Even if there is no homework everyone must have one hour of quiet reading or studying.

Review our assignments every Sunday with Mom and Dad. Make a study plan for every night of the week.

Ask our high school neighbor to tutor the kids one hour every week in math

Make a cool assignment notebook to keep track of all our studies. Use this every Sunday to review our assignments with Mom and Dad.

In our example, sacrifices and changes are required of all family members. This helps to encourage families to work together and build closeness through the accomplishment of goals.

Following Through

Tackling the Yeah But’s and achieving your family goals will not always be an easy task. It will require dedication from every family member and persistence. Here are some tips to help keep you on track:

Realize there will be setbacks. Not every action will go according to plan and you may have to readjust your strategy if something isn’t working.

Set up time every week to go through all your goals and action plans to check your progress. This will help remind everyone of the reasons behind all the changes and help keep you focused.

Be willing to scale back (not abandon) your goals and action plans if you realize the changes are too much for the kids or yourself. For example, if striving for all A’s is causing a lot of emotional stress on the kid’s, then consider revising the goal to all A’s and B’s. Sacrificing your child’s self confidence for the sake of a goal isn’t worth it. Keep the big picture in mind, but don’t make excuses for giving up.

Good luck!

Setting Family Goals

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality. 

“I want to lose ten pounds.” “I am finally going to finish my degree.” “I am going to go to the gym three days a week.”Do these New Year resolutions sound familiar? We spend a lot of time in life setting personal goals for ourselves in hopes of making our lives happier, healthier, and better, but how often do we set them for our family? How often do we take the time to reflect on the things in our family life that need improved or accomplished? Families with purpose are families who take the time to talk about and plan for their dreams as a family. They dare to dream as a family about taking a fun vacation, spending more time together, volunteering more of their time, or overcoming obstacles at school. And once the dreams have been formed, families with purpose work together to make their dreams a reality.

Why Bother?
Now before you heave that big sigh of exhaustion, just hear me out. I fully realize keeping up with personal goals and resolutions is hard enough and just the thought of adding one more goal or exercise to your list is daunting not to mention exhausting. But there are many good reasons to make it a point of your busy lives to nurture the practice of dreaming and goal setting within your family.

First, goals help set priorities. When set correctly, family goals have a way of quietly dictating the priorities in your life. Secondly, setting family goals teaches kids how to set personal goals and follow through in achieving them. Thirdly, setting goals and establishing a plan in and of itself is a huge stress relief. There is tremendous peace and comfort in having a plan and knowing you aren’t alone in the success of the plan.

How Do We Get Started
Okay, now that I have convinced you, let’s get started.

Planning Ahead
First, start by picking a time when everyone is available and when they won’t be distracted. For example, picking a Sunday afternoon while your husband is trying to watch a football game would not be a good choice. Take a look at your family calendar and the rhythm of your week to pick a time that will be best. No time will be perfect, so don’t get hung up on trying to find it. It doesn’t exist. Add it to your family calendar.

Second, if you are married, talk privately with your spouse before trying to take this on. You can start by emailing them the link to this article and getting their thoughts and concerns. Getting your spouse on board beforehand will make it easier when discussing it with the kids. Kids can sense when parents are disconnected.

Third, gather up any supplies you may need. Begin by printing off the free goal setting chart and gathering pens and pencils. Also, be sure to have a notepad handy. If your family is large, you may want to make extra copies of the goal setting chart or purchase a table top flip chart (kids LOVE writing on these) at your local office supply store.

Fourth, start giving some thought to possible goals you believe are important. It will help to have specific examples when explaining it to the kids.

Setting Your Goals
When deciding on your family goals keep in mind some important elements that every goal should have in order to ensure they are successful.

Family goals should be kept simple. Save the more complex goals for personal goals or goals just between you and your spouse. Kids will get lost if you try and over think them or make them too complicated.

Make sure the goals reflect the entire family. Goals shouldn’t just be about the kids or just about the parents. They should encompass everyone and at least one of them should reflect the family as a whole.

Make the goals measurable. Avoid setting goals that are difficult to measure success. Goals like “getting better grades” are nice goals, but not necessarily easy to track success. Instead, try setting a goal like “getting all B’s and A’s on ALL my report cards” would be a better choice because you can clearly and easily track the results.

When sitting down with your family, begin by explaining what a family goal is to the kids. Simply put, family goals are something families aim for or strive for together as a family. To help their understanding, offer a couple of examples.

Once everyone has a good understanding of family goals, it is time to begin creating them. Begin by having everyone throw out ideas and writing them down on your notepad. No idea is a bad idea. The goal at first is just to list them. If they are having trouble coming up with ideas use these thought starters to get them going.

What new place would we like to visit or see this year?
What new things would we like to learn this year?
What one thing can and should we change about our family life?
What challenges do we want to overcome this year?

Once you have all the thoughts down on paper, begin by narrowing the list down to just 3 or 4. Use the criteria we discussed above to choose only the most important goals. Refine them if you have to make them measurable.

After you have chosen your final 3 or 4, record them on the goal setting chart and begin discussing specific steps towards achieving the goals. Writing the goals down is not enough. You have to take the time to make sure you clearly know how to achieve them. Be sure to get everyone involved in delivering results. Record the specific action steps on your goal setting form and hang the goal form in a central location where everyone can see them.

Schedule on your family calendar a time in the future to sit down and review your progress.

Some Things to Keep in Mind
Don’t rush through this process. Depending on the ages of your kids, craziness of your schedules, and the number of ideas you come up with it may take a couple of family meetings to get this completed. AND THAT IS OKAY. There is nothing that says you have to have all your goals set by January 1st. Frankly, for most families that just isn’t realistic anyway. Take your time and think them through. Make sure they are do-able and embraced by everyone.

If you have young children that aren’t old enough to grasp the concepts, don’t let that hold you back. Put the kids to bed and spend time setting the goals with your spouse or if you are a single parent, by yourself. It is never too early to begin the good habit of setting goals for your family.

Good Luck!

Family Goal Setting Chart

Recording and tracking your family goals is a big part of ensuring success. To help, try using a family goal setting chart (this is in a pdf format) to help keep you focused. Personalize it with family photos or images cut from magazines to give it a more inspirational feel.

Have you set any parenting goals for 2008?

by Barbara Beccari

The New Year is a time for people to take stock and to make plans for the coming year. People often set personal or business goals but how about considering what you would like your goal as a parent to be for 2008? What do you want to achieve in your relationship with your child this year? What would you like to be doing more of with your child? What would you like to be doing less?

As our children grow and develop it is never too late to reassess our way of being with them and to make changes towards having an even more loving and fulfilling relationship, while letting go of control and allowing them to develop responsibility and independence. Here are seven ways to improve your relationship with your child, be they a youngster or a teenager. Perhaps some of these may help you to set your own parenting goal for the coming year.

1. Think about respecting your child more. What are their qualities that shine for you? Tell them about them.

2. Consider how well you listen to your child. Do you stop what you are doing and look at them when they are talking to you? Do you allow them to express their opinion without interrupting or taking over from them?

3. Reflect on how well you understand and know your child. Do you know what their favourite song or movie is, for example? Do you listen to them deeply and encourage them to share their feelings?

4. Think about how you show your child you appreciate them. Do you tell them? Do you spend time with them or give them hugs? Do you very occasionally give them a little something with no strings attached?

5. Consider how you are supporting your child. Are you offering age-appropriate support for their physical, emotional, intellectual, financial and spiritual development?

6. What are your current ways of encouraging responsibility in your child? Are you increasing opportunities for them to do things on their own as they get older? Do you encourage your child to try new things and learn from their mistakes, putting more emphasis on their effort rather than success?

7. Reflect upon your child’s independence. As they develop how are you ensuring they gain independence from you? Are you letting them go gradually as they get older?
Perhaps your goal as a parent for this year may be to keep on learning. This truly is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children — to continually learn more about them as they grow and change as well as to learn to keep pace with our parenting role. Some suggestions to consider may be reading a parenting book or two this year, keeping up to date about drugs if you have a teenager, or attending a parent-coaching workshop — a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow as well as be with other parents.

Whatever you choose for your own parenting goal for this year — one thing is certain — that because you care enough to think and plan your parenting, your child will definitely benefit.
All the best for your parenting in 2008 — may it be a year of loving and close connection between you and your child.

Barbara Beccari M.Ed, is co-author of a beautiful children’s picture book about respectful relationships. She is co-founder of parentSCOPE, a parent-coaching business acknowledged for its innovation. parentSCOPE supports parents to have loving and close relationships with their children, from toddlers to teens. Check us out on http://www.parentscope.com.au to find out more.

Family New Year Resolutions

If you haven’t already done so, take time as a family this month to create a family New Year’s resolution. A family resolution is one the entire family can participate in creating and fulfilling, a goal the family works toward together. For example, one resolution may be to spend time each week together as a family, or another may be to volunteer the family’s time two hours each month to a local charity or cause. Be creative and have fun. Here are some tips to get you started:

• Involve all members of the family in the creation of the resolution.

• Be flexible and willing to try new things.

• Don’t rush to get this done. Begin by introducing the idea at dinner one night and give everyone some time to come up with ideas.

• Hold each other accountable for the success of this goal.

• Set up mini celebrations throughout the year like a trip for ice cream or a dinner out to celebrate your continued success.