A Few Traits of a Confident Mom

By: Susan Heid

Ever met one of those moms who seems like they have it all together, isn’t questioning her every move and decision and knows what’s for dinner? She is often the mom who’s children aren’t embarrassing her at the grocery store (well, at least most of the time!) she is wearing jeans and a t-shirt when she drops her children off at preschool rather than sweats and last night’s dinner on her t-shirt and has a positive outlook. Is she unrealistic? I don’t think so; in fact I know she is a reality for every mom out there! You can awaken the “Confident Mom” inside you too.

Let me share with you just a few traits that I feel are in every mom and sometimes they just need to be brought out and nurtured. I have a true belief that all moms have what it takes to be the best mom they can be, but unfortunately for us in today’s society – there will be messages sent to you everyday telling you that you are not doing it right, your kids will grow up warped, or you need “this” technique to succeed. I believe you already have what it takes; you just need to believe you do!

Here are a few characteristics/traits that I like to nurture when I work with moms I coach and who participate in my workshops.

1) She does not live by comparison

This is a biggie – if you are always looking at “supermom” next door and wondering about your decisions, second guessing yourself and questioning your ability who do you think this affects? It does affect you, but I can tell you that your children can see right through that insecurity or unsure persona. You know what is right for you and your family, so it is up to you to do it and make the right decisions without continuing to doubt or question your ability. This does not mean you do not seek other’s opinions at times or ask advice, but when you get set with a plan stick with it. Don’t act like a “wishy-washy” mom.

2) She displays Courage

Courage and confidence go hand-in-hand. When you feel confident in your decisions, it’s not hard to muster up courage to explore new things. Whether you are struggling with a new parenting challenge, need to find support of other moms, or want to try a new exercise program, taking the first step is a very courageous move. This is how you continue to grow in your journey as a mom, as a woman beyond who you are as a mom too. By not allowing yourself to get in a rut you will build new skills that will help your family but will probably be helpful to other moms in your circle.

3) She is Adaptable

Do you freak out when you get thrown a curve ball in your day? Or can you go with the flow and manage to change things fairly quickly to accommodate unseen circumstances? This has been a hard one for me to become more versed in, but I have made considerable progress! Being a mom means that you have to be willing or able to change to fit in with different situations, planned & most importantly unplanned! Change is constant and never ending, so by learning the best ways for you to “go with the flow” you will be blessing your family as well as helping to keep your stress level down.

4) She has a sense of Humor

Another really attractive trait that I’ve found in mom’s who cope remarkably well is a sense of humor. And let’s face it - study after study has proven the power of laughter is a healing aid to all sorts of ills - from cancer to grief. In fact, researchers say that because of all the facial muscles pulled into place when you muster a smile, physiological changes occur that provide a sense of well being. When your brain is happy, so are you. I have found that when I am struggling with a challenging parenting issue, sometimes I just have to use humor to deal with it, and wouldn’t you know – it usually works to get my kids to behave or cooperate. I think it is because they are often caught off guard and then find the fun in seeing mom have fun. Why wouldn’t they want to cooperate? So laugh - with and without your children - a little each day – it really does make a difference.

5) She takes care of herself

The topic of “self-care” is the HOT topic for mom’s these days – no question about it. The fact remains, if you are not taking care of yourself and filling yourself up – who will? It is certainly not your kids who have that responsibility and not your partner’s either, if you have one. It ultimately is yours alone. I use this term common to those who have taken my ScreamFree Workshop, “Putting on Your Own Oxygen Mask,” the airlines have it right, giving you great wisdom in their pre-flight briefing telling you to place your oxygen mask on first before helping others. The same is true for you - you cannot help anyone if you are out of breath! So find simple pleasures that will help boost your energy throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be the big elaborate day at the spa (although that works!) but how about a cup of tea and sitting down for 10 minutes, or lighting a candle in your kitchen while you prepare dinner, or taking a shower BEFORE your kids start running you ragged and you cannot find a minute to break away to do it later. Be proactive and create a space to nurture yourself so you can be the best you can be for you and your family.

Remember, you don’t have to be brave or funny or even wise all the time. But by adopting these five traits, you can organize your life around the realities and strengths that you have, and not around others’ expectations of who you are and who you should be. Becoming a “Confident Mom” is a reality for all moms!

Expressing Your Family Identity in a Whole New Way

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

New starts, renewed energy, and fresh enthusiasm are all signs and feelings of the start of a new school year.  This time of year is often a time where families take time to reflect on their lives and try to make changes and improvements for the better.  So before the renewed energy and enthusiasm fades under the stress of daily life, take some time to reconnect as a family and reaffirm your family identity with this project.  It is a simple low cost way for families to remind themselves of their family goals and a fun way of expressing their family values, identity, and mission.

Purpose of this Project

The purpose of this activity is to build family closeness and unity by discussing and creatively expressing your family values, identity, goals, and mission.

Supplies You’ll Need

Paper Mache letter of the first letter of your last name (you can find these at your local craft or fabric store - we used a 23.5″ letter)

Mod Podge (you can find these at your local craft or fabric store)

Paint Brushes (one for each family member)

Scissors (one for each family member)

Paper plates or paint cups (one for each family member)

Old magazines and photos

Newspaper to cover the table

Optional: Copies of your family goals, vision statement, and mission statement

Things to Keep in Mind

The younger the children the smaller the letter - Smaller letters will take less time to cover and will be more suitable for younger children with smaller attention spans

The more children you have the bigger the letter - If you have a lot of kids, you might want to opt for a bigger letter, so there is less crowding and less arguments.

Short last names - if you have a short last name you may want to go with smaller letters and spell out your entire last name rather than just the first letter.

If your children are younger consider breaking this activity up into smaller segments.  Use this first segment to discuss your family characteristics, goals, mission, and values and then use the remaining time to cut out the pictures.  Save the gluing of the pictures and words for a different time.

Turn the TV off prior to starting this activity.  TV will only distract the kids and take away from any meaningful conversation.

The Activity

Set aside some time on your regular family night or on your family calendar for this activity.  Depending on the size of your family and the size of letter you chose, you will need about 60 - 90 minutes for this activity.

As a family begin discussing the things important to you as a family and what qualities and characteristics make your family unique.  If available use your family goals and mission statement to help you get started.  For example for some families this may be things like doing well in school, having regular family nights, taking fun vacations, or being open and honest.  Be sure to include any hobbies or special interests.

After you are finished discussing the things important to your family and your family characteristics, begin cutting out pictures and words from magazines that express all of these qualities.  If old enough, give each family member a pair of scissors and a magazine and let them go through each one cutting out different pictures and words.  While cutting out pictures, take the time to talk about things going on your lives.  This busy time is often a good time to check in with the kids on how school is going, remember old memories, or plan family outings.

Once all of your pictures and words are cut out, it is now time to begin attaching them to your letter.  Cover your work space with newspaper to protect it from the Mod Podge and give each family member a paint brush and small paper plate or paint cup with Mod Podge in it.  Using the pictures and words you cut out, use the Mod Podge to glue them to the letter.  This part can be messy and a little tricky on some of the angles, so parents may want to let the kids do the attaching while they help and assist.

After your letter is completely covered, let it dry overnight.  Once completely dry, display the letter in a prominent spot where everyone can easily see it and enjoy it.

Good luck!

I want to give a shout out of thanks to my dear friend Louise for this idea.  You will be forever in my heart. - Polly

How to Use a Family Mission Statement

My 4 year old always wants to understand the why’s of life.  Why can’t she have another piece of candy?  Why can’t she play outside? Why won’t I be home this evening? Why does she have to clean up her room? Part of this is the normal curiosity of a 4 year old, but when you stop and think about it, what she is really trying to understand is the purpose or reason behind the things going on around her.  A truly noble effort that over the years tired hurried parents often forget under the pressure of looming deadlines, homework assignments, and soccer schedules.  And as parents, if we stopped a little more often and asked ourselves the seemingly obvious question of 4 year olds, “Why are we doing this?,” maybe we would be a little happier, make better choices, and be better parents. 

One of the reasons we encourage families to write family mission statements is because they help us pause and ask this question.  Family mission statements help families remember the purpose behind their choices by forcing us to focus on the things in life that make us happy, fulfilled, and truly want.  The problem with family mission statements though is that often they are hard to enact because we don’t know how to take the wishes and desires of the family mission statement and turn them into real life day to day actions.  A family mission statement without concrete actions behind it is just another piece of paper much like the corporate ones your company has posted on their website and lunchroom bulletin boards, a lot of talk but not much walk. 

So to help families avoid the trap of talking the talk, but not walking the walk, we wanted to spend a little time on specific ways families can use their family mission statement.

The Difference between Family Goals and a Family Mission Statement

Before we dig into how to actually use the family mission statement it might be a good idea to re-cap what we mean by family goals and family mission statements. 

Family goals are written expressions of specific things the family wants to do or achieve.  Family goals are measurable and are time constrained or phased.  Family goals are one of the means by which families live and express their family mission statement.

Family mission statements are expressions of the overall intention, purpose, and priorities of the family.  They help families keep focus not only on the things they want to achieve (i.e. family goals), but the manner in which they want to achieve them, and the benefits or results the family wants to gain.  A family mission statement has three parts, an action, the quality of action, and the benefits.

Ways in Which Families Can Use a Family Mission Statement

Use a Family Mission Statement to Create Meaningful Family Goals

When writing family goals and the specific actions needed to make them happen, families should always be asking themselves, are the goals and our actions to achieve them consistent with how we said we wanted to live our lives (the in such a way that phrase) and do they result in the benefits we said were important (the so that phrase).  When you write your goals in this context you can avoid chasing goals that aren’t adding to your happiness and fulfillment.

Use a Family Mission Statement to Help Make Big Decisions 

Because family mission statements are expressions of our priorities and values, they can help keep us focused when it comes time to making some big decisions.  For example, does taking the big promotion clear across the country in line with what we said we wanted in our mission statement?  Is career progression one of mom’s or dad’s goals, dreams, or aspirations?  If so, will the move and promotion enrich the family life and add to the family’s happiness and closeness?  These are the kinds of questions you should ask whether you are facing a career change, move, or any significant lifestyle change.

Use a Family Mission Statement to Help Regain Focus

Sometimes we are moving so fast in our lives that we often forget why we made the choices we did to get us to our current place.  It is often easy to get caught up in the hectic pace of life and suddenly say to ourselves, why are we doing this?  What was our original motivation?  Why did I take this job?  Why did I volunteer to do this?  This is where a family mission statement can be extremely powerful.  By looking back at the priorities and fundamentals your family identified in the family mission statement, you can better see and ask yourselves whether or not the choices you have been making are consistent with what you said was important. If your choices haven’t been consistent with the family mission statement, ask yourselves these two questions: “Why haven’t our choices been consistent” and “What do we need to change to stop making the choices that make us unhappy?”

Use a Family Mission Statement to Remember Your Passion

Because family mission statements are an expression of every family member’s dreams, goals, and aspirations, they are a great place to go to when we need some motivation or are feeling burnt out.  Take some time to browse through all of your family’s hard work, vision drawings, and plans to help motivate yourself and reignite your passion.

Remember, a family mission statement can be a very powerful tool for any family as long as you use it and keep it a center of your family’s focus.  Post it in a central location and make it a habit to revisit it frequently.

Good luck!

Creating and Writing a Family Vision and Mission Statement

This is our purpose: to make as meaningful as possible this life that has been bestowed upon us, to live in such a way that we may be proud of ourselves, to act in such a way that some part of us lives on.

 – Oswald Spengler, German Philosopher

Families visit our website everyday looking for practical easy solutions for conquering the chaos of their lives and we pride ourselves on giving our visitors what they need and want.  And even though we spend a lot of time writing about managing the daily realities of everyday family life, we also believe it is important that families take the time to define who they are as a family and what they want from life.  Because in the end, no daily routine, home organizing product, cleaning schedule or family calendar is going to give families true fulfillment.  Fulfillment comes from the relationships we build, the goals we achieve, and the character of our beings. So this is why we spend an equal amount of time teaching families to set family goals, tackle the yeah but’s, and write family vision and mission statements.  All of which we hope will help families and parents look deep into their lives and define who they are as individuals and as a family.

What is a Family Vision and Mission Statement?

A family vision and mission statement is an articulation of a family’s values, goals, and character.  Through the process of creating and writing a mission statement, families will define who they are as individuals and as a family, have a clearer understanding of their priorities, and hopefully gain some peace in having a plan.  Made up of both a vision, a visual depiction of your ideal life, and a mission statement, is the vision expressed in words,  both are designed to help you articulate what you want your life and family to be and keep you rooted in your priorities. 

Establishing a Direction - The Family Vision Statement

The first fundamental of defining who you are is to establish a direction or what we will call a family vision. 

 The family vision is a visual depiction of your ideal family life; a picture of what you see when you start with the end if mind.  What does happiness look like for your family?  What does your picture look like when all family members are fulfilled?  What do we want for our family and for each other?  What does success look like?  What does our vision look like when all needs are met?  It is through the process of creating a family vision that we establish the direction or map for our family.

Things you will Need to Complete the Family Vision

Markers or pens
A tabletop easel pad (check your local office supply store) or a notepad no smaller than 8 ½ x 11
Approximately 1 - 2 Hours of your family’s time

Things to Keep in Mind

• Families are made up of individuals with different needs and wants and everyone’s needs and wants need to be included.
• Children have needs and wants though they may not be able to verbally express them.
• There is no pre-set definition of family.  You will need to define what family is to you and who to include in the process.
• For families with both parents present, remember, marriage is an important aspect of every family and should be considered when completing the vision.
• Be honest with each other and yourself. 

Creating the Family Vision

Starting with a clean sheet of paper, ask each family member these questions:

What makes you happy?  What are those things in life that put a smile on your face and get you through your difficult days? 

For some this may be having family nights, children who don’t fight and are kind to one another, that first cup of coffee in the morning, playing with our friends, or going on long walks with our spouse.  After giving everyone a few moments to think the question over, select a family member to go first.  This family member begins by choosing a spot on the blank paper to draw a picture of what makes them happy.  Remember to refrain from judging.  Every family member has a right to their own thoughts and feelings and shouldn’t be judged for their ideas. 

After all family members have had a chance to draw out their ideas; it is time to move onto a new blank sheet of paper and the next question.

What makes us fulfilled?  What are those things in life that bring us the most satisfaction and leave us with the feeling of completeness? 

For example, this may be something like getting a promotion at work, volunteering our time at our favorite charity, learning a new skill, or watching our children accomplish new things.  For school aged children this may be something like getting good grades, scoring goals or hitting homeruns, or volunteering their time.  Preschool aged children may have a little difficulty with this question because it is hard for them to understand what it means to be fulfilled, so to help them try restating it for them in more concrete terms like what makes you most proud?  What things do you do that make you most want to tell mom and dad about?  What things make you feel most safe?  For children this age, a sense of fulfillment comes from some of the more basic needs in life; needs like love, safety, and accomplishment.

Now that we have tackled the things that make us happy and fulfilled, it’s time to move on to those things in life that we want.  Starting with a new sheet of blank paper, ask each family member

What do we want for ourselves and for our family?  What are our hopes, dreams, aspirations not only for our family, but for ourselves has well?

For example we may want to take a lot of exciting vacations as a family or to have a successful thriving business.  Or we may want to continue or grow our faith or maybe retire at the age of 55? These are the things inside of us we would most like to have in our lives.  This is your chance to include all of those dreams and desires that you can’t seem to fit into your current life or you are not sure how to go about realizing.

By the end of this first step in the process, you should have a completed family vision drawing encompassing the elements of happiness, fulfillment, and aspirations.  It’s time now to move on to using the family vision to create a family mission statement.

Creating a Family Mission Statement

A family mission statement is a verbal description of what you want your life and family to be; a priority list for your family and your life.  How are we going to live our lives?  What are we going to use to help us make major decisions?  What are our priorities?  Are we spending the majority of our time on our priorities or are we being distracted with things that aren’t important to us?  It is these life decisions a family mission statement can help answer. 

Finding the Themes

Begin by taking some time to look over your family vision drawing.  What are the major themes, overall ideas, and messages that come out over the 3 separate drawings?  Using a blank sheet of paper, write down the themes.  Themes will be different for every family.  An example of a theme that you may find is learning new things, being active in your faith, helping others, visiting and learning about new places, accomplishing new things, giving your best, being financially secure, and finding fulfillment in your professional life.  Don’t stop to edit or analyze just write them down.  So go through and look for the overall ideas and messages.  Write them down.  Depending on the ages and interests of your kids, this may be best done by either both or one parent and then reported back to the family at the next meeting.  These themes will be used to write the family mission statement.

Writing the Family Mission Statement

Now that you have your list of themes, it is time to write the family mission statement.  Once again, depending on the ages and interest of your kids, it may be easier for a parent to take the first crack at writing this and then share it with the rest of the family for discussion, agreement, and changes.  To make it a bit easier to write, we are going to write our family mission statement in 3 pronged format

To…. (Do something)

In such a way that….. (Quality of action)

So that…. (We gain these results or benefits)

Here is an example:

 To realize our dreams, goals, and aspirations as a family and as individuals in a way that stretches our intellect, enriches our Christian faith, strengthens our character, and enriches our family life. So that we are fulfilled, happy, confident, and always close.

The first part of a family mission statement should contain the action.  What is your family going to do?  What specific steps or actions are you going to make?  What are the specific efforts you are going to make as a family?  In our example the action is “to realize our dreams, goals, and aspirations as a family and as individuals”.  Another example might be “to treat each other with respect and love” or “to communicate more effectively” or “to learn new things and new cultures”.  Just remember to make it very action oriented - something that requires effort on the part of each and every family member. 

In such a way that….this is the quality of our action.  In what manner are we going to accomplish this?  In a way that gets us what we want no matter what?  In a way that nurtures our spirit?  In a way that gets us the fastest results possible?  In a way that is comfortable to all family members?  In a way that lets us be creative?  In a way that uses our individual skills and abilities?  In a way that everyone can participate?  In our example the quality is “stretches our intellect, enriches our Christian faith, strengthens our character, and enriches our family life”  So every action we take to “realize our dreams and goals” is going to be done in a way that allows us to learn new things, deepens our faith, makes our family life better, and makes us better people. 

The third part, so that, is where you capture the results of your actions.  What do you want to come out of all of this?  Strong independent kids?  Successful and happy parents?  Caring actively involved kids?  A better marriage?  A closer relationship with your kids?  In our example the results are “so that we are fulfilled, happy, confident, and always close.”

Once you have your family vision drawing and family mission statement completed, you need to find a few

central places to post them so that you remember to use them in everyday life.  You may choose to frame them, add them to your family journal, post them to a personal website, or simply hang them on your refrigerator.  If you are creative, you also might want to use your creativity to reproduce the vision drawing into something reflective of your talents.  For example if you are a painter, try using the family vision drawings to paint a new picture that can be framed above the fireplace.  If you are a graphic artist, try using your grapic skills to create a visual image to be framed or posted to a website.  Just be sure to post them in many spots and in central spots so that they remain the focus of your family’s attention. 

Good luck!

Planning Your Family Vacation

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

I spent hours and hours planning our family vacation to Disney world.  I read the right books, visited and subscribed to all the popular websites, made reservations in advance, and when all of it was done I had detailed plans day by day of how we would spend our days at Disney World.  My carefully crafted plans minimized wait times, allowed for rest times in the afternoon, and had us blissfully enjoying our 7 day stay at a comfortable pace.  Though my plans were extremely thorough they didn’t take into account my husband’s theme park strategies.  Strategies he had developed over the years of standing in long lines and having limited funds.  A strategy that was a combination of engineering ingenuity and a Superman like pace that no human (including me and the girls) could keep up with.  Don’t get me wrong, his strategy had some great points and if we had talked about his strategies BEFORE the trip and BEFORE I had spent hours and hours of planning things would have gone a lot smoother.            

Avoiding arguments is just one reason why it is helpful for families to spend some time prior to their family vacations planning them together rather than leaving the planning up to the parents or in our case just one parent.  Planning family vacations together makes kids feel involved, gives them a voice, and teaches them how to plan.  Planning family vacations together also helps build cohesiveness and closeness in a family by allowing families to share excitement and a sense of fulfillment after the vacation is over and all has gone well. 

So to get your family vacation off to a great start this summer try these family planning suggestions: 

To get things rolling, start by scheduling a couple of times on your family calendar or in your planner when you and the family can sit down together to discuss the vacation.  The bigger and longer the trip the more time you will need.  Also, take into account the ages of your kids.  A general rule of thumb is the younger the kids the shorter the meeting.  It is better to hold several short family meetings rather than a couple longs one if your children are young.  Make sure everyone knows about the family meetings.

If married, talk with your spouse beforehand about any specific parental decisions that need to be made.  Things like budget, activities that are off limits, sleeping arrangements, and means of transportation (car or plane).  Parents should be united before the meeting on the big things so that it doesn’t distract from the other decisions that the kids can help make.

If your children are small (ages 3-7), print off pictures or have brochures handy to show them what the vacation spot will look like and what their choices of activities will be.  Don’t overwhelm them with a lot of choices.  Pick some of the more interesting ones, and let them choose a few.  If your children are older (ages 8 and up) get them involved by asking them to do some research on the computer before the meeting.  Let them look up possible activities and outings and interesting places to stay and have them come prepared to the family meeting with their findings.

Negotiate the differences of opinions by taking votes and possibly splitting into two separate groups for a while.  For example if your son absolutely loves alligators, but your daughter would prefer to skip them, make plans for one parent to take your son to see the alligator exhibit and another parent to either stay behind with your daughter or to do something she enjoys.  Just be careful to not let your FAMILY vacation become a fragmented vacation.  It is okay to split up for some things, but try and make sure that the majority of the vacation is spent together.  Another option is to just compromise and spend time at exhibits and activities that everyone enjoys.

If your children are old enough, give them responsibility to pack their things by giving them their own travel packing checklist.  If they can’t read yet, but are anxious to pack their things, make them their own packing list using pictures rather than words.

Use your family journal to help keep notes of your discussions and decisions.  Put one of the older children in charge of keeping the notes.

If you feel comfortable telling them, share the vacation budget with the kids and let them help you keep track of how much everything is going to cost.  This is a great way of teaching the kids the value of money and how to budget. 

Let the kids help plan the travel games or car activities and get them packed for the trip.  Using a DVD player to help pass the time?  Let the kids each choose a couple of movies and give them responsibility for getting them packed.

Once all the plans have been finalized, ask one of the kids to update your travel organizer with the itinerary and important contact information.  While on vacation, let the kids get involved by entering in the vacation expenses. 

Lastly, document your memories.  Give each of your kids a disposable camera and let them take pictures and write about their vacation in either your family journal or a travel journal. 

Though our family vacation to Disney World was a great time and is the source of some wonderful memories for all of us, it did result in some stress along the way; stress and arguments that could have been avoided if we had just taken some time to plan the vacation together rather than separately.  So give yourself and your family the gift of a wonderfully pleasant vacation by planning it together!

A Family Journal

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

Sometimes it gets really hard to keep track of it all.  Even though we have good intentions, keeping track of your family’s memories, family goals, and great times can be hard.  It isn’t an easy task to sort through hundreds to family photo’s looking for the perfect one that you can absolutely remember being taken but for the life of you can’t find.  And when you have family vacation discussions documented on the not so fail proof system of sticky notes, it dawns on you that there must be a better way to capture the dreams, discussions, goals, and memories of your family life.  A way that doesn’t take a lot of time and one in which it is okay to use white out and hand drawn pictures.

So if your family is anything like ours, a Family Journal may be the answer; a simple way of expressing and recording of your family’s life, dreams, and memories without a lot of fuss and most importantly without a lot of anxiety and time. 

What is a Family Journal?

Simply stated, a Family Journal is an on-going diary of your family’s life.  Use it to capture family outing and vacation memories, record your family goals, make notes about family discussions and plans, and capture the thoughts and feelings of yourself and growing children.  Think of it as a working draft of the family photo album or scrapbook.  And the best part of a Family Journal is that it is meant to be used by every family member.  Parents and kids alike are encouraged to express themselves and their thoughts and memories of their family.  A Family Journal isn’t meant to be something else for mom or dad to do, but rather as a way for every family member to get involved and document the things important to them. 

How to Make a Family Journal

All you need to make a Family Journal is some type of journal or notebook, some pens and pencils or crayons and markers, a little glue, and enthusiasm.  

Start by choosing your Family Journal.  It doesn’t have to be expensive.  A simple notebook from your local store will do fine, just choose one that fits your family’s personality and is big enough to work with and in.  A general rule of thumb is that the smaller your kids, the bigger the Family Journal.  Young kids like to draw and have large hand writing, so be sure to choose a journal that accommodates these needs. 

 

 

Next, start by asking one of the kids to make the title page.  Encourage them to add a family photo, draw pictures, and add their own unique style and thoughts.  Also be sure to date the title page in some way, so that you can remember when it was started.

 

After the title page the rest of the journal is completely up to you and your family.  Here are some suggestions for things to include and how to use your Family Journal.

 Family Goals

Family Vacation Plans

Christmas and Birthday Wish Lists

Family Mission Statements

Family Photo’s and Notes from Vacations, Good Times, and Outings

Notes from Family Meetings

Favorite Family Recipes

Your Favorite Things

Family Chores

Ticket Stubs, Maps, Postcards, Awards, Ribbons, and Other Memorabilia

Family Night Ideas

Important Dates

Pressed Flowers from Special Occasions

Use a Couple Pages as a Guest Book for Big Family Gatherings like Thanksgiving and Christmas

Thanksgiving Blessings

New Year Resolutions

Love Notes

How to Make the Most of Your Family Journal

Here are some tips to making the most of your Family Journal.

Make it something for everyone in the family.  Let your kids express themselves in any way they see fit.  A Family Journal shouldn’t be something the kids need to ask permission to use. 

Keep the Family Journal displayed or stored in a prominent place so that you don’t forget to use it.

Have it handy during family meetings so that you can use it to keep notes.

Make it real not perfect.

Family Fitness Challenge

Exercise has never been at the top of my list of fun things to do and I do whatever I can to not fit it into my schedule.  My husband has a slightly more positive outlook and manages to fit in weekly volleyball games, bike rides in warm weather, and an occasional workout on our home exercise equipment.   And if it weren’t for the really comfortable overstuffed chair that always seems to call his name, he would be more active as well.  If we didn’t have kids we would maybe be more accepting of our sedentary lifestyle and feel a lot less pressure to exercise and stay fit, but because we believe in walking the talk with our kids we are forced into making honest attempts at exercise and eating healthy. 

So to give ourselves a boost of enthusiasm, we have implemented the Family Fitness Challenge this spring.  It is our simple little way of teaching the kids about eating healthy and exercising as well as fitting in some fun quality family time as well. 

Simply stated, a Family Fitness Challenge is an exercise and healthy habit plan we came up with together to try and make healthier choices.  We have established a few goals and will track our progress over the spring and summer months with occasional rewards thrown in along the way.  Here is our fitness challenge for this spring:

Eat 3 healthy meals 6 days a week

Exercise 3 times a week one of which has to be as a family

Eat only 2 junky snacks a day

Eat only 1 sugary cereal 1 day a week

So if you are like us and are looking for some creative ways to get your family moving here are some tips and suggestions to help you get your Family Fitness Challenge going:

Make your goals as a family, asking one of the older children to write them down.

Make your fitness goals realistic.  It is better to start small and then build up rather than set them too high and fail.  Be mindful of your family’s schedule, routines, and personality while writing your fitness goals.  Make your fitness goals fit your family rather than forcing your family to fit your goals.

If your family fitness goals include cutting back on junk food, you may have to consider thinking through and defining as a family what is and isn’t junk food as well as appropriate serving sizes. 

Use a fitness chart to track your progress and let your kids take turns handing out the gold stars.  You can create your own or use our template.

                Family Fitness Challenge Progress Chart - PDF Version

Build in rewards along the way.  For example, a possible reward may be a night at the movies after 4 weeks of consistently meeting your goals.

Don’t set weight goals for your kids.  Keep the goals focused on fun, eating healthy, and exercise.

For more complex goals, consider using a fitness notebook to help keep track of your progress.

Good luck!

Family Travel Goals

My kids are big dreamers.  Recently we sat down as a family to set some family vacation goals and at the top of the family’s list was a family vacation to Hawaii.  Obviously the kids don’t grasp the magnitude of what a family vacation for 6 will cost, but since they outnumber us (parent’s remember this if you are thinking about having a third child) we have Hawaii at the top of our list.  But just because Hawaii is at the top of our list and is what we are saving for in our Family Vacation Jar doesn’t mean we will be going there anytime too soon.  We will probably have to amuse ourselves with some family vacations in the continental United States for a while.  But we still keep it at the top of our list and are making plans and dreams to someday get there. 

The benefit of setting family vacation goals is the satisfaction, closeness, and pride family members gain by accomplishing something together as a family.  The destination is the reward.

So how does a family go about setting family vacation goals?  Here are some tips and suggestions to help you get started.

Take some time as a family to sit down together and talk about all the fun places you would like to vacation to as a family. Don’t be critical of any of the ideas, just write them down for now. Ask one of the older children who can write to be in charge of making the list.

Once the list is completed, talk over the pros and cons of some of the trips. Are some of them really expensive (like Hawaii…), are all the kids old enough to really enjoy them, how will we get there, how long will they take, etc.

After you have discussed all the ideas, take a family vote as to which ones go at the top. Either re-write your list with the first choices at the top or make a special indication on your current list of which ones where the family’s top picks. Save your list in your family travel file or paperwork organizer folder to help you remember and for future discussions.

Start making plans for one of your top choices.

If one of your top choices is a big expensive one like our trip to Hawaii, start making long range plans by tackling the Yeah But’s.

Good luck!

How Will They Remember You?

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

My 9 year old daughter, Jennifer, has a real talent for saying it like it is.  You will always know what she honestly thinks about something.  Got a new hairdo?  She will be the first to say you should have saved your money.   Didn’t do such a great job with the evening family meal?  She’ll let you know.   When Jennifer talks, I always listen because I know I am getting the truth even if I might not want it. 

So when we recently had this conversation, I listened.

Jennifer:  I like it when you are like this!

Me: Like what?

Jennifer: Happy.

Me:  I’m always happy?!

Jennifer:  Well not really, sometimes you’re grumpy.

And if truth be told, sometimes I am grumpy.  Whether it is because of a lack of sleep, long hours, tight deadlines, or just too much to do, there are times when I can be grumpy and less than pleasant to be around.  I know there are a lot worse things I could be as a parent and I should count my blessings if she only sees me as grumpy, but her comment did hurt a little and got me thinking.  How do my children see me?   Do they see me as the happy and fulfilled person I believe myself to be (with an occasional grumpy day thrown in) or do they see me as something else? 

Providing a positive and uplifting home life for your children is one of the most important things you can do as a parent.  Children are sponges and live what they learn.  If children are raised in negative unhappy homes, chances are good they will grow up to be negative unhappy individuals.    So as parents, being personally happy and fulfilled is just as important as providing love, food, shelter, and discipline. 

So as parents how do we provide our kids with positive uplifting home lives especially when we as parents aren’t feeling that way?  Here are a few suggestions to help.

Take Time to Understand and Admit Why You Aren’t Happy - Sometimes parents are living such busy lives we struggle to understand what is causing us to be unhappy.  To have any real chance of fixing the problems in our lives, we first must understand their cause, so take the time to really understand the root of your unhappiness.

Be Willing to Make Changes and Take Risks - Sometimes being happy means we need to make changes.  Let’s face it, change is hard and sometimes getting past the yeah but’s can be difficult, but to attain real happiness, change and risk is almost always required.

Have a Passion - Life is too short to spend it going through the motions of working an unfulfilling job or having no interests of your own.  Find something you’re passionate about and make it a priority to fit it into your life.  The Simple Dollar, LifeHack, and of course Oprah all have great resources to help you find your passion.

Make a Plan - As I’ve said before, there is a lot of peace in having a plan, so create a plan to make the changes necessary in your life.

Life isn’t always going to be a bed of roses and it is important not to shelter our children from all the bad.   But after they have grown and left to live their own lives, how will they remember you?  Will they remember you as happy? 

Dream Big!

Families with purpose are families who dream together and work together to make their dreams and goals a reality.

Dream big! I tell my kids this a lot. I believe there is a lot of power in dreaming big and encourage my children to do so. My kids have watched me dream and work to make my dreams, a reality. They’ve seen me struggle, but have also seen me succeed; realizing I hope that important dreams are worth the struggles and sacrifices. And when they come to me and share their hopes of becoming a teacher, or a cheerleader, or a newscaster, or a clerk at Target, I know they are dreaming too.

So how do you encourage your kids to dream? Here are some ways you can help turn your kids into big dreamers:

Turn off the TV, computer, and video games and let your kids use their imagination

Introduce your kids to new ideas, people, places, and thingsLet them try new things even if it might be hard for them

Let them fail

Let them see you dream by sharing your personal hopes and dreams

Never tell them they can’t accomplish something

Set family goals and work together to make them happen

Let them live and create their own dreams; not the dreams you have for them

Don’t let your fears hold them back

When we let ourselves and our children dream as individuals and as a family we open our lives to a life of fulfillment because within those dreams is a deep rooted peace just waiting to be realized.

Remember, dream big!

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