Establishing Good Relationships with Your Child’s Teacher

By Melanie Moore of Only a Breath

Teachers have one of the most important jobs on the planet — molding, encouraging, teaching young minds. As parents, our relationship with our children’s teacher can have a profound impact on the success of both the teacher and the student. After gathering input from several teacher friends, I realized that there are many ways parents can establish a good relationship with our children’s teacher.

Establishing a good relationship with our children’s teacher requires much more than sending an apple a day for the teacher! Here are some tips that teachers would like to give to parents in order help both your child and their teacher have the most successful school year possible:

• Give your child a great start to the morning! Teachers appreciate when parents make it a priority to ensure their children are well-rested and eat a good breakfast. A teacher’s job is much more difficult when they are trying to keep the attention of a sleepy, hungry child.
• Teachers love to see your smiling face! There are normally many opportunities to volunteer at the school, attend PTA meetings, schedule parent-teacher conferences, etc. One key factor to establishing a great parent-teacher relationship is to see your child’s teacher whenever possible so they know you are completely supporting them!
• Communication, communication, communication! Please talk with your child about their day, both the good and the bad. Do homework with them, get to know the names of their friends, ask if they are having any problems in school that might need extra attention, etc. Also, send your child’s teacher a letter or be sure to respond to any letters they send home with students. It is so important to keep the lines of communication open, both with your child and with the teacher.
• You’re on the same team! Remember that your child’s teacher wants to help your child succeed. Especially when there are disciplinary issues, talk together about how you can both support your child’s learning and encourage good behavior.

What are some ways that you have found in relating to your child’s teacher? If you are a teacher, do you have any tips to add to the list?

Let’s encourage both our children and our teachers in order to raise a generation of energetic learners!

Melanie writes at “Only A Breath” about life as a small-town, southern, girly-girl mommy of two rough and rowdy little boys. She is so thankful for a wonderful, hard-working husband who makes her laugh and is a wonderful daddy. She works full-time as an industrial software developer (“computer geek”) and offers practical tips and encouragement for moms who work outside the home. Her heart’s desire is to encourage others to celebrate life and cherish each breath of this journey.

Winning the Bedtime Battle

By Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

It seems that two areas that seem to become a battle field for moms are the morning routine and the bedtime routine.  You can end up becoming a drill sergeant, yelling out orders and trying to “get” your kids to do their tasks OR you can find ways to help your child develop skills which will help them become self-reliant.

Fights over bedtime can be one of the biggest power struggles you’ll have with your child, whether they’re five or fifteen. If you examine the reasons you will come up with quite a few.  You may have kids that just don’t want to go to bed at night, because they’re afraid they’re going to miss something. With others, it might be because they’re frightened of the dark, or afraid to go to sleep. And for some kids, it is simply a matter of exhibiting control over a situation they can try to control.

Bedtime just becomes another arena in which kids will try to fight with you. If you’ve ruled out common fears that leaves us with the basic issue of —the power struggle.

First of all, as in any power struggle, we don’t want to engage in a fight if we can possibly avoid it. Try to reflect on behavior that you are doing which has contributed to the continued bad pattern.

Do you give threat after threat?

Are you inconsistent with bedtime?

Do you not have a standard routine in place?

There are many things we do as parents which almost ‘invite’ our children to be combative. Before you implement a new bedtime routine, it will be in your best interest and your child to avoid the battles that trigger the frustration and realize that you cannot take that behavior personally.  When you take your child’s behavior personally it ends up touching those emotional nerves that tend to get out of control.

What you should be doing for both morning and bedtime routines is focusing on what your children should be learning in order to manage self-care tasks and responsibilities rather than your child becoming an expert on how they can manage you through the power struggles.

Here are some points to keep in mind when creating a bedtime routine.

Create a Checklist

I recently was working with a mom who needed help in this bedtime routine area.  She knew she had drifted way off course and was spending her whole evening coaxing and threatening her kids to brush their teeth, put their pajamas on and get into bed.  By creating a simple check-list for her children, ages 5 and 9 she could easily set the expectation for them indicating what tasks they needed to do on their own.  (brushing teeth, pajamas, washing up, etc)  You can use a picture chart or something which has a moveable tag that they can move when they finish a task, but provide some type of visual for your child to follow and that they can refer to every evening.  This prevents the constant nagging and threatening.

Set Expectations

For this particular mom, she had 30 minute windows to assist her children to get to bed.  We decided to keep those 30 minute windows, but instead of using that time having her coax her kids to do their tasks, she invited them to have those tasks accomplished before their set aside time and if they did then they could use that time to spend with mom.  They get to pick an activity to do only with her.  She felt this would really work because that was one thing her children always wanted, more of her. By clearly stating the tasks as well as the benefit of completing the tasks you are giving your child a choice as to whether they complete it or not. Do not fall into the nagging or reminding pattern here, allow your child to take initiative and make a choice.

Logical Consequences

In this case the logical consequence is that if the child does not have their tasks done, then the 30 minutes is spent with mom walking alongside them helping them complete them.  This is where you cannot let those emotions come into.  It would be natural to lecture your child, repeating that they made a bad choice, allowing yourself to take it personally that they did not comply.  Instead, say only this, “That is a bummer you didn’t choose to complete your tasks, I was really looking forward to doing _________ with you tonight.”  Leave it at that.  If they respond with something, do not respond or get into a back and forth battle with them, instead you can follow up with, “Tomorrow is a new day, perhaps we will have time tomorrow night.”

Be Consistent

Here is the tricky part for most parents – sticking to the expectation and following through with the consequence.  But if you do not do this, you may as well not even try to create a routine that will work itself.  If you do not follow through your child learns that you truly do not mean what you say and that they can then find ways to manipulate you to get their way.  I’ll say it again, be consistent with the consequence and follow through.  If your child does not complete their responsibility – stick to the consequence.  If they do, stick to the consequence.  It is that simple – almost!  It will be hard to see your child upset when they don’t get the snuggle and reading time they normally get when they do their part, but that experience will be stored in their minds and hold more weight than you lecturing them about what they should do next time.

Bedtime routines are a must – starting early create a simple routine that can easily be adjusted as the child grows.  Consider bath time, reading books, teeth brushing, prayers and tuck in.  Try to follow the same pattern night after night and it will become a comforting habit for your child.

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Her FREE 5 part mini series: “The Opening Act” is helping moms worldwide become the calm mom they want to be!

 

Self- Confidence 101: Liking Who We See in the Mirror

By Sandra Huber of the The Soulful Parent

The journey of a parent consultant and a mother continues to teach me a great deal about that interesting time between early childhood and teenage years. I have found my own confidence shaken at times and wonder how I teach my daughter to be self-confident when our culture seems to have very high expectations of moms and kids.

The reality of many of our lives is that we are the main care-takers, the ones who are in charge of managing the home and the lives of everyone in it. How can we find the confidence to get anything done? Are we setting ourselves up for failure?

Here are 3 suggestions to make sure you don’t lose sight of what a great job you are a doing as a mom. That confidence in turn will transfer to your children as they see their mom honoring every step of her own journey.

Reality Check: Let’s give up the idea that anything and everything in your life has to be done perfectly.  If you are a mom, like millions of moms around the world, you know that it’s a futile attempt to put ourselves under the stress of becoming “Supermom”.  Share some of the  chores, responsibilities and tasks with your children in an age appropriate way.  Not only will you get help but you also will be allowing them to develop self-confidence and a feeling of accomplishment.  No small feat!!

For example, your children can learn to pick the clothes the night before and get their backpacks and homework ready. There’s no need to be frazzled in the morning trying to find a matching pair of socks or their homework!

Also, allow your children to see you handle stress, upsets and sadness in the way you’d like them to handle it. You can’t be up and smiling all the time and still be human. That’s a great lesson for them!!

Listen to your inner voice:  I know… How do we know that our inner voices are not mental crazy talk, right? Well, I believe that life has placed an inner compass in our heart to guide us through the challenges of raising children. It’s hard when never in your life before have you been showered with so much unsolicited advice, opinions and observations that may make you felt invalidated and wrong… But in the end, you are the one who knows your children best. Trust your intuition and listen to your gut. You are the expert on your children!!

Set yourself (and your child) for success: Unrealistic expectations whether self-imposed or imposed by others are the toxin that kills confidence and self-esteem. Regardless of how organized your mom was, what a great cook or excellent baker she was, focus on your own strengths. You have a lot to offer your children if you don’t compare yourself or compare them.

Don’t expect your child to have the same interests in sports or music or academics just because you did. Trust that the one thing your child can excel in is being herself. A great relationship and confidence booster for any child is to know that your love for her does not depend on your approval of her performance.

One last thought: Embrace the challenges of developing your own confidence as well as your kids.   In caring for your child you often heal yourself!

Sandra is the “soul” and “coach” behind the Soulful Parent. She has worked in Early Intervention, Special Education and has supported many families in the road to successful parenting. She became a PCI Certified Parent Coach® because she’s deeply passionate about changing the world, one family at a time. Sandra believes that life becomes a more enjoyable journey when you lead from your strengths! She can be contacted Sandra {at} thesoulfulparent(.)com and www.thesoulfulparent.com for more information about seminars, presentations and individual coaching services.

 

Creating Confidence in Our Selves and Kids

By Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

Think about where your confidence or perhaps lack of confidence developed.  Perhaps you think it is linked to recent happenings in your life, but actually confidence begins to develop at a very early age.

As you were growing up, you were developing those “confidence muscles” and you either were given ways to build them, or they sat idle resulting in self-doubt and a lack of confidence.

It is our duty as parents to try to make our kids as well rounded, happy and confident as possible. It is a lot easier to bring up great kids than it is to try and fix problems caused by bad parenting choices when our kids have become adults.

It is critical that you provide a positive role model for your child. We are all a product of our upbringing and early environment, so being intentional in your actions and modeling confidence building character will inevitably tend to develop confidence in your children.

When thinking of characteristics or actions that parents can be purposeful in modeling or encouraging, I came up with quite a few that you should be taking into account if you having young children in your home.

Create a Happy and Safe Family Environment

Your home needs to be a place where everyone, regardless of age, is respected and admired.  When parents give their children respect, children are more likely to be respectful of you. This seems almost backwards thinking, we tend to think children should just respect us because we are the parent, but if you are not showing respect to your child – it can be hard for them to find things in you to respect.

Kids will be more confident in themselves if their parents actually seem to enjoy their company. If their parents make time to play with them and amuse them rather than sending them in to watch TV or play with their toys, they will have higher self esteem.  Find ways to engage with your child, especially with activities they enjoy.  When you provide an atmosphere of unity, a one for all – all for one spirit, it will return huge dividends.  If you would like more on this particular topic, please read my post I did earlier on Key Characteristics of a Strong Family.

Be Positive

If as a child, all you hear is your parents moaning and complaining about how hard life is, how difficult EVERYONE else makes their job, how awful the boss is, it is easy to see how the child can become negative about the world in general. Be careful when giving opinions that will provide no positive outcome.

Don’t let them hear you saying you can’t do x, y or z. Actions speak louder than words so if there is something you are afraid of doing or doubt yourself in – don’t let that opinion seep into their thinking and start to fester self-doubt in their abilities. Parents who approach everything in life with a “I can do that” attitude are much more likely to raise confident kids.

Use Praise Cautiously

Use praise with your children, but don’t overdo it. It is pointless to praise anybody if they haven’t put the effort into a task. There is a lot of conversation around how praise can benefit your child and how general, less specific praise can actually harm your child.  By being very specific in giving praise addressing a certain strength or seen perseverance you will be building confidence.  General praise given abundantly will begin to become redundant to become a type of handicap when your child expects praise for any accomplishment.  Children will learn when your praise comes with sincerity and when it is said just to please them.

Teaching Independence

Let your children solve their own problems or at least attempt to do so. Obviously the type of problem they are able to resolve will depend on their age.  The earlier you can begin encouraging problem solving skills the better your child will become in learning how to make good choices BEFORE they have a problem to solve.  When your child makes a mistake, help walk them through the options they have to “make it right” or remedy the issue.  This helps them learn the cause and effect of their choices.

Accept Your Child’s Feelings

Be careful to listen to your child and pay attention to what they are telling you – not what you think you hear. If a child comes home from school telling you that everyone else in the class is much smarter than them, the worst thing you can do is pat them on the head and tell them they are being silly. Instead, try and sit down with your child and ask them why they think that way. Acknowledge where those feelings may be steming from and have empathy.  Engage your kids in conversations instead of ignoring or dismissing their concerns builds trust and self-confidence.

Self-Reliance

Teaching kids to be self reliant helps them learn to be responsible and independent. They have the ability to make their own decisions and know the reasons why they make those decisions rather than just listening to what someone else is telling them to do.

Encourage your children to take care of their daily routine like brushing their teeth, feeding themselves, tying their own laces, etc. as soon as they get the hang of it. Add more responsibility as they increase their ability.

Children should be given responsibilities and held accountable if they do not fulfill their duties. This is one of the most important ways to build confidence.  Your child will develop a sense of importance and they will feel that their parents trust them to do the job.

High and Realistic Expectations

I am a big believer in setting high and realistic expectations.  Kids tend to live up to the expectations we set for them, so set the goal just at their reach or a little beyond to encourage them to stretch themselves. If you expect your child to not do their chores or always have late homework that is generally what they will live up to.  Find ways to celebrate their accomplishments when they meet these challenging expectations.  A family dinner in their honor will do more for their self-confidence then any new toy or monetary gift.

Look over these points and see where perhaps you lacked modeling when you grew up.  Consider ways you can build the confidence in yourself as a parent now – it is never too late to work on ourselves and honestly, parenting is the one thing that will certainly keep us on our toes learning and stretching ourselves.

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Her FREE 5 part mini series: “The Opening Act” is helping moms worldwide become the calm mom they want to be!

Back to School: 4 Tips for helping your Kids make Friends

By Beth Engelman and Jenna Riggs of Mommy on a Shoestring

Worried about your kids making friends at school? You’re not alone. In a recent poll conducted by the folks at iVillage (www.iVillage.com), 63% of those surveyed are worried about their kids making friends and a whopping 70% feel their kids have a hard time developing new friendships.  Recently. I sat down with Liz Zack, Editorial Director of iVillage’s Pregnancy & Parenting channel to identify the top tips for helping kids make friends as recommended by leading experts and members of the iVillage community.

Proactive Playdates

Whether your child is new to the school or a returning student, now is the perfect time to set up some playdates.  For new kids, playdates offer a wonderful opportunity to help children meet their peers in a one-on-one or small group setting while returning students will benefit from developing new friendships with soon-to-be classmates.  When planning a playdate, give your child every opportunity for success by hosting the event in your home, where your child feels most confident and comfortable. “Just remember” cautions Zack, “set-up playdates with an even number of kids so as to ensure no one feels left out.”

Arrive to Early

There is not such thing as fashionably late when it comes to making friends.  Arriving early for school gives children the chance to share what Zack calls “the magic time” which is when kids unpack backpacks and settle in for school.  For younger kids who typically start off the day with free play or “choice time” arriving early means the difference between leading an activity and having to join one already in progress.

Conversation Starters

If your child is extremely shy or has a hard time initiating social interaction try using conversation starters.  Brainstorm with your child things she can say to her classmates that are specific, positive and invite further conversation.  For example, if your child notices another girl wearing a princess shirt she might say, “I see you like princess, I do too! Do you want to play princesses together?” Helping kids learn how to engage with others is the first step in helping them develop greater confidence in social settings.

Don’t Let ‘Em See You Sweat

Most children are extremely intuitive when it comes to parental anxiety.  The more you worry about the start of school, the more anxious your child is likely to become so try to relax and enjoy this time with your child. For more information on helping your kids make friends as well as other parenting issues visit http://www.ivillage.com/pregnancy-parenting.

Jenna Riggs and Beth Engelman are the creative talents and owners of Mommy on a Shoestring, a website and weekly radio show chock full of ideas on how families can live creatively and large on a small budget.

Handling Sibling Rivalry Successfully

By Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

Sibling rivalry is certainly one of the most prevalent problem parent’s face.  Every family (with more than one child) faces it, and every child participates in it. There just isn’t any way to get away from it if you have more than one child.  More often than not, parents attempt to do away with all fights and bickering completely. As if we are actually going to get two or more kids to get along all the time and agree peacefully on everything. It isn’t realistic and more importantly we really don’t want to eliminate the rivalry.

Sibling rivalry will happen – what is really important is how we respond to it.  Your response is what you can control and is key to helping your child learn how to deal with conflict in their lives. As parents we need to understand that our reactions as the primary example or mentor in their life need to demonstrate respect and calm authority. The relationship with our kids and our influence is built and tested by how we respond.  We’re being tested every time questions, conflict and challenges are raised and our children are looking to us for clues on how to treat us, their sibling and everyone they ever meet.

It is certainly frustrating and exhausting to deal with – your kids fighting with one another.  A household that’s full of conflict is stressful for everyone. Yet often it’s hard to know how to stop the fighting, and or even whether you should get involved at all. But you can take steps to promote peace in your household and help your kids get along and develop.

Parental attitude adjustment – Change your view!  Sibling rivalry will always happen – it is a given – but it doesn’t mean you have to enjoy.  Kids are kids – as if you already didn’t realize this – they will give you a steady diet of obnoxious behavior – challenging us as parent’s everyday!  It is nothing unusual.  There is a certain amount of peace we can find just accepting that fact.

Hold Back – Parents tend to intervene way too early!  Allow them time to work it out on their own, as long as they are within the parameters you have set up for what is acceptable in your home.  Never try to determine who started it!  Do not pick sides, hold both children accountable. Children will learn to work out their own differences when they know that you won’t mediate or referee.  Ironically, if they don’t get a crazy reaction from you when they fight most of their motive for fighting and bringing it to you is gone. If you don’t pick sides in their sibling rivalry then you have passed the test – you love both of them.

Get connected – Give both children positive attention and individual experiences with you. When kids are fighting they are looking for attention. If you’ve given them enough bonding time, their need to act out toward a sibling decreases.

Setting limits – communicate what is acceptable and what isn’t. If it’s against your rules for your kids to use certain words, like “hate” or “stupid” they need to know that.   You also need to decide beforehand what level of noise and conflict is acceptable and what isn’t. Clearly set these limits with your kids, perhaps even writing them down in a location where they can easily be viewed.

Have concrete, meaningful consequences – Have a strategy set in place and communicate it to them before there is a problem. For example, “If you hit, you sit.” Or “everyone loses TV privileges if you can’t work out what show to watch.”

Be consistent – 100% all the time!  This is probably the most challenging.  Keeping our perspective in place to keep calm, consistent and rational is difficult when you in the midst of perhaps a high volume, escalating situation – but do whatever it takes on your part to remain the calming authority in your home!

Adjust your plan – You will have to make some changes to limits and consequences that deal with behavior as your kids get older and the rivalry matures. It helps to preempt their bad behavior or address it as early as you can to keep the noise to the most peaceful level. Think back to what you and your siblings argued about and try to foresee situations that could arise.  Have in your mind a strategy for dealing with those – before they come into play.

Allowing our kids to learn how to negotiate the inevitable ups and downs of relationships with their brothers and sisters prepares them for learning to deal with people in general. It isn’t realistic to expect kids to agree all the time. Do you know any adults that agree all the time? The problem solving skills that they learn in the home will last them a lifetime and allow them to be the successful adult you so desire them to be.

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Make sure you get a copy of her FREE ebook, “Getting Kids to Cooperate and Become Team Players.”

Don’t Let “Mommy Guilt” Steal Your Joy!

By Melanie Moore of Only a Breath

Moms from all walks of life are united by the very unique aspects of motherhood. We share pregnancy woes, childbirth stories, teething remedies, potty training tips, and often, the despair of “Mommy Guilt“.

Because my perspective is one of a mom who works outside the home, I thought “Mommy Guilt” affected only moms who did the same. I was surprised to find that “Mommy Guilt” affects all varieties of moms: those who have at-home businesses, moms who work outside the home, and stay-at-home moms. Dads can even have their own feelings of guilt over balancing work and family, too!

Many women feel guilty about:

• Working outside their home
• Not earning extra income to help with the bills
• Using infant formula instead of breast-feeding
• Not “measuring up” to other moms
• Being a single mom
• And the list goes on, and on, and on….

How can we feel joy in our families when we are constantly haunted by feelings of guilt?

It is important to remember that only you know what is best for your family. Well-meaning friends may offer advice on what would be best for your family, but no one knows your family’s circumstances except those who are actually in your immediate family. I encourage you to talk openly with your husband and decide together what is best for your family. If you are a single mom, there may not be many options available to you besides working outside the home, but don’t despair! If this is your situation, I encourage you to embrace the opportunity to teach your children about the importance of hard work because they will certainly learn valuable lessons from your dedicated example.

Is there a magic number of hours that moms should be with their children or does it matter more how we spend the time that we have with our children? Are your children more important than Twitter, Facebook, and prime time TV? There is certainly a difference between being physically with our children, and mentally attentive to and involved with our children.

Many moms feel guilty about leaving their children with another caretaker during their working hours. I can remember driving away from my mother-in-law’s home one morning after dropping off my son who was only a baby. As I pulled out of her driveway, I saw her in the house, rocking my son and tenderly cradling him. “That should be me!“, I wanted to cry out. However, after I thought about it for a few minutes, I realized that my feelings of guilt were wrapped up in my negative perspective. Instead of feeling like I was being somehow “cheated” by not being able to rock my son at that particular moment, I reversed my perspective. I thought of how grateful and fortunate I was to leave my son with someone who loved him so very much. When feelings of guilt creep up, take a second look and see if looking at the situation from another angle can give you a more positive outlook.

It is so tempting to compare ourselves to other moms to see how we “measure up”, but we must not allow ourselves to fall into the comparison trap. We only see the outward appearance of another mom, but we truly have no idea of all her struggles. Trust me, she is human, and she has struggles too.

Your precious family is a gift! You were placed in this specific family at this specific time for a specific reason. Please don’t feel bitterness of any kind toward another mother. Her circumstances are not yours, and feeling envy for her will only steal your joy!

Moms, let’s extend a little grace to ourselves today, and when you pass another mom, just remember that she’s probably struggling with some type of “Mommy Guilt”. I encourage you to take a moment to encourage her.  After all, we are raising the next generation together.  Let’s encourage one another to be strong, build up our families, and cherish every moment with our little ones!

Melanie writes at “Only A Breath” about life as a small-town, southern, girly-girl mommy of two rough and rowdy little boys. She is so thankful for a wonderful, hard-working husband who makes her laugh and is a wonderful daddy. She works full-time as an industrial software developer (“computer geek”) and offers practical tips and encouragement for moms who work outside the home. Her heart’s desire is to encourage others to celebrate life and cherish each breath of this journey.

On Being a Dad Today

By Sandra Huber of the The Soulful Parent

We would all probably agree that when it comes to parenting things seem to have changed greatly in the last 50 years. I remember in the early years of our parenting journey, my husband and I realized the strengths and challenges we both brought into this new adventure of parenting. I read everything I could get my hands on; yet, even suggesting that he may need some additional sources of support was an endeavor that needed to handle with some sensitivity.

Many dads, in spite of their tough exterior, can be surprisingly insecure about their parenting abilities. It was important for my husband  to know that he wasn’t alone and that many other men struggle through the initial stages of fatherhood as well.

Years later now, I see the relationship my husband has with our daughter and I am always in awe of how intimate, fun and challenging it is. He’s not the father his father was. But, how does that happen? How do you become an affectionate, loving, caring, involved parent, when you didn’t have that as a role model growing up?  From where I stand, looking in, I see a daily commitment to show up in our daughter’s life fully; it’s a decision to express love in words as much as in deeds. It’s respecting when she says no and listening to her, encouraging her all the way, not in spite of the fact that she’s a girl, but because of it.

When I was growing up, a “good father” meant mostly a “good provider.” My dad, who I adore, supported our family financially, mowed the lawn, washed the car, and maintained discipline in the home. But things are different today for many families who have dads who want to be involved. I have discovered among my friends, that there is truly a new “breed” of dads out there. It’s important for them to allow their boys to learn to be gentle and kind, not always aggressive and competitive. I also see them encouraging and empowering their girls to go out and be assertive, to reach out for their goals. I have noticed that the boys my friends are raising and I know that they will not be afraid of or shamed out of expressing love and tenderness. I see the girls my friends are raising and can’t help but notice that they relish their strength with a sense of courage and adventure.

As I watch my daughter rough-house with this “bear of a man” that is my husband, I am touched by how he can be silly, playful yet knows when it’s time to be just a dad: flexible with rules, honoring decisions more than compliance, listening more and showing his love for our strong-willed daughter.

Have a Happy Father’s Day!

Tips for Surviving Summer

By Susan Heid of The Confident Mom

Summer can end up being the best of times, creating memories that last a lifetime, but it can also be the worst of times if your kids are bored and you lose your cool!  A great summer just won’t happen on it’s own!

You can make it the best for your family by taking the opportunity to do some advance planning and preparation..

Planning for Success

Before summer begins gather your kids together and ask  what they would most like to be doing and learning over the break.   Here is a great handout to get the juices flowing;  Ideas for Summer .  You can then take the time to discuss the  ideas and you’ll have a master list to choose from.  After you have reviewed the answers, sit everyone down and brainstorm what is possible to fit in your summer plans, considering  your family budget as well as allowing everyone the opportunity to have input.  You can use a big poster board to write ideas on and then post it somewhere that everyone can view it throughout the summer.

Be Flexible

Don’t be too rigid about the summer schedule – it can be just as easy to become over-scheduled during the summer months as it is during the school year.  Be ready to delete something from the schedule if the kids are having fun in an activity – at the same time don’t make promises that can’t be kept or you are uncertain you will keep.  This will keep disappointment at bay and keep the trust between you and your child you so desperately need.

Maximize Your Resources

Hopefully you have already realized that you cannot do everything yourself!  But you can network with other parents and use community resources to your benefit.  Send out an email or phone a few families in your neighborhood or church to coordinate activities together.  You can even set up to swap kids once a week in order to give you a break.  When you take the other mom’s kids it will then give her a break and create a fun dynamic for your kids too.  A win/win for everyone!

Investigate any children’s programs offered in your community.  Often you can find free concerts and learning programs at libraries, or parks and recreation departments.  Don’t’ forget vacation bible school and other youth program offered by churches.

Be Relaxed

It may be the perfect time to set a different list of expectations for the family.   Maybe you can set aside your need to keep a spotless house for a different, less time consuming standard.  This doesn’t mean everyone gets to leave their things lying around or leave big messes behind, but it does lighten up the standards.  Talk about summer chores as well as summer bedtimes.

Encourage Creativity

Remember, you do not have to answer that inevitable whine that will come, “I’m bored.”  As I see it you are the one offering opportunities and activities to your children at different times, but you certainly are not their entertainment.  Step back and let them figure out what they can do instead of jumping in and taking on the responsibility of figuring out what they can do.

I can remember playing outside for hours and hours when I was young and I can say for certain that my mom didn’t come up with idea after idea of things for us to do – we thought things up on our own because we had to!  Imagination is something your child should be encouraged to use – with so much structured time our kids are often left with no time to be creative and honestly do not know what to do when they are given the opportunity.  Find time during the summer to inspire them to be imaginative.

If you need help with summer planning, make sure you check  my website, www.theconfidentmom.com –  I will be offering a FREE seminar just for moms “10 Tips for Summer Survival” before the end of the month.    You won’t want to miss it!

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Make sure you get a copy of her FREE ebook, “Getting Kids to Cooperate and Become Team Players.”

Get Kids to Listen without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling!

Families With Purpose is excited to partner with Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, to offer a free live training webinar on Wednesday, May 18th from 9-10 PM EASTERN Time.

The webinar is…Get Kids to Listen without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling and Amy McCready promises that we’ll walk away with concrete tools we can use the next day and see results. I know you’ll be especially interested in learning the 5 R’s of Fair and Effective Consequences. You can watch, listen and even interact with Amy. Participants are not required to have a webcam, only a computer with speakers. Read more

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