Family Meals Made Easy for November

Great Recipes, Helpful Hints, and Fun Ideas

Family Fun Idea

The next couple of months we are going to use dinner time as a way of establishing meaningful opportunities to talk with our kids. Using dinner time to engage in meaningful conversations with each other is an easy way to reconnect, share thoughts, and check the pulse of the family. This isn’t something that should be forced in the family. The ideas for conversation are just thought starters. Feel free to modify them as needed for your family’s tastes and ages. They are meant to be answered by both parents and kids.

Conversation Starter Idea

For the kids - When you become a parent, what things will you do differently and what things will you do the same? Why?

For the parents - Now that you are a parent, how is your parenting style different from your parents? What things are you doing differently and what things are you doing the same?

Why this Question is Important….

Giving kids the opportunity to talk about how they would parent, gives parents some insight into what things are important to their kids and to some possible frustrations. Likewise, by parents sharing how they are different from their parents, gives kids an opportunity to better understand their parents and to reflect on some of the choices their parents make.

Great Recipes

The original recipe for this came from a Cooking Light magazine, but I have modified it further to make it a little more lighter and to better suit my family’s tastes.

Green Beans with Balsamic Browned Butter

Ingredients

4 Cups Fresh Cut Green Beans
3 Tablespoons Light Butter
3 Teaspoons Low-Sodium Soy Sauce
11/2 Teaspoons Balsamic Vinegar

Steam the green beans in a covered pan for about 10 minutes. While the green beans are
steaming, melt the butter in a small skillet over medium heat. Cook the butter for 3 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove the butter from the heat and stir in the soy sauce and vinegar. Transfer the green beans to a serving dish and drizzle the balsamic butter over the green beans. Serve.

Helpful Hints

To cut down on the number of pots and pans you use and to make clean up easier, try steaming the green beans in a microwave steamer bag. You can find them in the plastic wrap aisle at your local grocery store. Simply place the green bags in the plastic steamer bag, zip it close and follow the directions printed on the bag.

Make family meal preparation easy and less stressful with either our monthly family meal planner or our new weekly meal planner.

Being Intentional About How You Communicate With Your Kids and Spouse

A family with purpose is a family who is intentional about who they are as individuals and as a family. They know who they are, what they stand for, and what they want from life. They have goals and dreams and plans to make them happen. They are families who live their lives with meaning.

“Is your homework done?” “Your room is a mess! Clean it up now!” “Did you remember the milk?” “You’re not just going to sit there all night, are you?”

Does this sound like your family? Let’s face it. Life is hard. Families are busy and there are days when it seems all we have to say to each other are complaints, desperate pleas for help, or tactical questions of who is doing what. Every family has days like these. But families with purpose manage to go beyond the day to day talk of snide complaints and fire drill tactics to foster a deeper level of communicating. Families with purpose manage to weave into their lives real conversations about the friend at school who has suddenly became so cold or the co-worker who will do anything for the next promotion; as well as the more joyous conversations about next year’s family vacation or the possibility of an exciting new job half way across the country.

Families with purpose are intentional about how they communicate by making it a point of their daily lives to really talk. They make it a point to go beyond the daily obligatory comments and questions to connect on a much deeper level. Here are some signs your family is on the right track.

• Parents regularly spend time discussing their kids, their goals and aspirations, and the general direction of their lives. They know intimate details about what is important to each other and they respect and encourage each other.
• Your children come to you with most of their problems and seek out your advice. Most children are not willing to share every detail of their lives with their parents, but when they are really struggling with something they are not afraid to ask for help.
• Kids feel comfortable asking their parents questions about things they don’t understand. A home in which children are encourage to seek answers and are not afraid to ask is a home in which children will thrive emotionally, academically, and socially.
• Parents take the time to answer their children’s questions and they answer them truthfully. When kids repeatedly hear “not now, I’m busy” or “can we talk later?” they quickly learn the message their questions and thoughts aren’t important. It is also important to answer your kids truthfully even when it is difficult to do so. Children are very perceptive and can sense when their parents are not being straight with them. Nothing will destroy your children’s trust in you faster than a lie.
• Parents frequently make themselves available to their spouse and kids when they can’t be with them in person. They have systems in place to reach them in other ways (e.g. phone calls, text messaging, email, etc).
• Parents and children understand what is important to each other and know each other’s dreams, goals, and aspirations. This is connecting and communicating on its deepest level. When a family isn’t afraid to share some of their innermost thoughts they have truly connected.

Communicating on a deeper level like this doesn’t happen over night. It takes a lot of time, attention, and patience to develop this level of trust and communication. Here are some suggestions to help you get on the right track.

• Avoid judging, shock, or hysteria in talking with each other. Kids and spouses won’t come to you if they feel judged or embarrassed. Sometimes just quietly listening is all that is needed.
• Be ready and willing to give kids real world answers and solutions to their problems. This takes understanding the social dynamic at your kids’ school as well as the skill in giving kids the words they need to talk through a problem with their friends, telling a friend no, or standing up to a bully. Kids won’t take your advice or find it helpful if you can’t make it real for them.
• Actively listening and watching for signs of stress. Signs will come in the form of behavior changes, little comments, hanging around waiting for you to notice, or comments/calls from the teacher.
• Make it okay for kids and spouses to tell you when they are upset and frustrated with you. You don’t have to agree, but you do have to hear them.
• Be willing to admit when you don’t have the answers and offer to help them find one.
• Be willing to apologize to your kids when you make a mistake. This is huge and will go a long way in fostering a deeper relationship with your kids.

Does your family have a purpose?

Will They Remember this as Special?

I love the song Ain’t No Mountain High Enough. I love Motown songs in general, but this one holds special meaning because I love to change the lyrics around a little and sing it to my girls. Just my little way of letting them know that I will always be there for them. But I’m a little concerned they find it more embarrassing rather than meaningful, sweet, enduring. My main clues? They roll their eyes, say in a disgusted voice “Mother”, and slouch down in their seats just in case we drive by one of their friends with the window open.
I know the lyrics were probably written as an expression of romantic love, but if you really listen to them they can easily express the love between a parent (or at least a mother who doesn’t want to let go) and child. Here is my version. What do you think?

Listen Baby…

Ain’t no mountain high
Ain’t no valley low
Ain’t no river wide enough baby

If you need me call me
no matter where you are
no matter how far (don’t worry baby)
just call my name
I’ll be there in a hurry
you don’t have to worry

chorus:
‘Cause baby there
Ain’t no mountain high enough
Ain’t no valley low enough
Ain’t no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you babe (This is where I change the lyrics to “my babies” - I have more than one and of course can’t leave anyone out!)

Remember the day
I set you free (I secretly dread the day they leave for college - I will cry for weeks)
I told you you could always count on me darling
From that day on
I made a vow
I’ll be there when you want me
some way somehow

Chorus

No wind,
No rain

Or winter’s cold
Can’t stop me baby
’cause you are my beau (I change this to babies)
(if you’re ever in trouble
I’ll be there on the double
just send for me)
ooo baby

My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart

If you ever need a helping hand
I’ll be there on the double
just as fast as I can

Don’t you know that there aint no
mountain high enough,
ain’t no valley low enough,
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe

Don’t you know that there aint no
mountain high enough,
ain’t no valley low enough
aint no river wide enough to keep
me from getting to you babe

At the end of the song I plead with them to let me live with them forever and the only one at this point who will say yes, is my 4 year old (she still thinks I’m cool). The baby just smiles and the older two emphatically say “No!”

So will they remember this as one of the “little things” or have I become the object of their jokes and “funny mom stories” forever? Either way, I don’t particularly care…..

Should I Let it Go?

Well I just had one of those moments of parenthood where I had to decide - “Do I let this go” or “Should I say something”….

It all started this weekend when we were discussing at dinner the news that our nephew (my daughters’ cousin) was going to be a father.  We were having dinner with our nephew’s parents and discussing the joyful news of a new baby in the family.  As my daughters were sitting there listening and taking it all it, my 9 year old started to ask some questions.  When did Mike (her cousin, my nephew) get married?   They aren’t married?  But I thought you said they were having a baby?  How old is Mike (he’s 22)?  As we answered the questions, I looked at my daughter and could just see the wheels turning in her head.  She was slowly realizing that you didn’t have to be married to have a baby.  Up until now, she had never been exposed to this concept.  To her, the process was high school, college, get job, fall in love, get married, and then have children.  This was just how it was done.  So to have stumbled upon this “new” way of doing things was definitely intriguing!

As I sat there and watched the “wheels turning” I suddenly realized that I, the parent, had to make a decision.  Do I say something to her about this or just let it go?  By letting it go, I ran the risk of her making some assumptions about life that I wasn’t entirely comfortable with and by saying something I ran the risk of sounding judgemental and uncaring.  So what was I to do?

In the end, her father and I realized that this is one of those moments where we had to make sure our daughters understood our values and what we wanted for them and not just assume they already knew.  So we sat down with our 9 and 7 year old daughters and talked it through.  Letting them know how we felt about a baby without marriage and what we wanted for them while at the same time reassuring them that we loved and supported their cousin and his choice.  Did we do the right thing?  I think so, but only time will tell.  What would you have done?

Families with Purpose