Have You Seen My Motivation?

January 16, 2013 in Family Relationships with 0 Comments

woman_not_motivated_to_exercise

Well it’s January 16th and I am wondering if I am the only person who is looking for all that motivation I had a couple of weeks ago.  It hit me like a brick wall this weekend which is probably why I spent a lot of my weekend watching Season 1 of Downton Abbey (I can now see why so many people are hooked on this show).   I have hit this motivation wall before and over the years have used various techniques to get over it, so I thought I would share them here with you.

Revisit Your WHY

Whenever I lose my motivation for something I always start by going back and revisiting my WHY.  Your WHY is always the most important reason why you decided to do something in the first place.  So for example, if you want to lose weight and you are finding it hard to stay motivated, go back and ask yourself, “Why is this so important to me?” or “What is my main reason for doing this?”  If your WHY doesn’t motivate you to get back on track then you probably haven’t found your real reason.  Dig a little deeper, be honest, let yourself be vulnerable, and that is where your WHY will be found.

Work Through It

Sometimes I just need to work through the feeling of lethargy by doing the task anyway and eventually my motivation returns.  In part because I get a lot of satisfaction from “working through the pain” so to speak and because I think when I force myself to do something even though I really don’t feel like it, I begin to remember all my reasons for doing it and see all the benefits that come from completing it.  This is the technique I use when I need to find the motivation to clean my house….

Seek Out What Inspires You

There are certain people, places, and things that really inspire me, so whenever I am feeling unmotivated, I try and turn to those things that I find truly inspirational and they help me find my motivation again.  So for example,  if you are struggling to find the motivation to clean out and organize your basement, try taking or finding pictures of an organized basement and revisit them when you are struggling.  Planning a speech for work and can’t find your motivation to get it written or practiced?  Take some time to watch or listen to speeches of those people you admire and respect to help re-energize and motivate you.

Restore Margin

Whenever I am struggling with motivation, I always look to see if I am struggling with issues of margin.  In his book, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, Richard Swenson defines margin as “the space between our load and our limits. It is the amount allowed beyond that which is needed. It is something held in reserve for contingencies or unanticipated situations. Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating.”

In many cases of my life when I have struggled with motivation I can often trace my lack of motivation back to being overwhelmed and exhausted and work to restore margin by reevaluating my priorities, taking out time for myself, or taking a break from the demands of life with a few episodes of Downton Abbey.

So, what strategies do you use to re-energize and motivate yourself after losing your way?

How I Manage to Only Go to the Grocery Store Once a Week

January 16, 2013 in Organizing with 2 Comments

Young Woman Holding Two Brown Paper Grocery Bags

I was giving a presentation last week to the St. Paul’s Parish Mom’s group (a really nice church and school if you are looking and live in the area) on meal planning and when I told them that I only go to the grocery store once a week, they looked at me as if I was crazy.  I never really considered the fact that I rarely make multiple trips to the grocery store each week anything special.  It is just something that I have always tried to do and there are definitely weeks that I have to go more than once.  But since it was met with such surprise at the presentation I thought I would share with you my strategies for how I manage grocery shopping once a week.  I talked about how I managed grocery shopping and errands a while back, so in this post I will get a little more specific.

How I Plan for Shopping in My Schedule

Grocery shopping and errands are always something I actually schedule on my calendar, so I don’t forget and ensure that I stick with the habit.  For me, late Thursday afternoons are set aside for shopping and errands and I schedule it on my calendar like this.

grocery_shopping_scheduled

Click on image to enlarge

 

I think I chose Thursdays because they tend to be less crowded than Friday’s and because our dinner plans on Thursday are much more relaxed so I don’t feel the pressure to get home and get dinner started.

I also shop regularly at Target and Costco, but I try REALLY hard to only shop at Target every other week and at Costco about every 4 – 6 weeks.  I try and spread all the shopping out so that I don’t have to do all three in the same week.  If it is a week that I need to do more than just grocery shopping then I either have to add time to my calendar or I divide it up between two days.

My husband does all the fruit shopping in our home and I do all the other shopping (household items, vegetables, dairy, staples, meat, etc).  My husband will usually stop at the grocery store twice a week to pick up fresh fruit (it is like candy in our home).

How I Make Sure I Don’t Forget Anything

I meal plan every week during my weekly planning review and create a grocery list at the same time I meal plan.  I save my meal plans and store them along with every recipe I need in a 3-ring binder so that I have everything I need when it comes time to plan the meals for the week.  I then post the grocery list on the refrigerator and write the meal plan on the calendar.  This helps me remember what meals I planned and also helps me add any other items that I realize I need throughout the week.   And because my meal planner is portable (i.e. it is in a 3-ring binder) I could probably take it with me to the store if I wanted to, but I have not done this.  Sometimes I will take a recipe with me, but never the binder.

I review my calendar during my weekly planning review for any events or activities that require either food or something from the store and then add everything I need to my shopping lists.  The planning calendar I talked about here helps with this too.

I am very disciplined about adding items to the grocery list, Target list, and Costco list AS SOON AS I THINK ABOUT THEM.  This habit alone has saved me many trips to the store.  It took a lot of practice, but now it is just habit.  I also tell my kids to add items when they think of them rather than just tell me.  Because they know where the lists are, they can easily add things too.

I keep back up supplies of all toiletries and as soon as I pull the last one from the closet, I add its replacement to the list.  I also keep a list in the bathroom so that I can easily write it down when I realize we are out.  If I waited to write it down when I got downstairs, I would probably forget about it.

For the stores that I shop at less frequently (i.e. Target and Costco), I always make sure I buy enough to get me through until the next planned shopping trip.  In the case of Target, since I only shop there every other week, I make sure that I buy two weeks’ worth of the things I need.  For example, I usually buy our cat food at Target, so I just make sure I have enough to get me through two weeks.

So that is pretty much how I manage to only go to the grocery store once a week.  It took me many years to get get really good at this and I have learned to tweak things to make it work for me.  So if you want to try these same strategies in your own home, take your time, be patient, and try and stay motivated.

Good luck!

7 Habits for a Happier, Healthier Family Life

December 31, 2012 in Family Relationships with 0 Comments

happy_family

Happy New Year!  As we begin a new year and take stock of where we have been and where we are going, I wanted to share some ideas to help you have a happier, healthier family life this year.  Wishing you all the best in 2013!

  1. Learn how to apologize to your kids when you lose your cool or are in the wrong.  This will help build trust and help make your kids less afraid of you.  Use these opportunities to talk about why you got upset or made the choices you did and how things can be better in the future.
  2. Be the parent your kids need rather than the parent you THINK you need to be.  When we get caught up in “not being that parent” we almost always parent from a place of being “right” and control rather than from a place of trust and acceptance.  If you want your kids to be less uptight or less confrontational, then you need to learn how to be the parent they need you to be rather than the parent you think you should be.
  3. Ask for help.  Parenting is hard and there is no shame in not knowing how to handle every aspect of parenting.  So don’ be afraid to turn to friends, parents, or experts to seek guidance and advice.  Our kids need us to be really good at this, so don’t let your pride prevent you from getting the help you need.
  4. Be fully present by leaving your work at the office, turning off distractions, and making sure you are approachable.  When you take the time to be fully engaged in your relationship with your kids, you really get to know your kids and they get to know you.  And your lives will become less centered around “doing” and more centered around “being”.
  5. Develop interests and hobbies outside of your kids.  Your kids need you to be happy and fulfilled and there is nothing wrong with taking time to do the things you enjoy that don’t involve your kids.
  6. Let your kids fail so that they can learn from their mistakes and learn who they are as individuals.  Letting your kids make mistakes is one of the best ways to build emotional intelligence and confidence in your kids.     
  7. Establish strong morning and evening routines so that you are always starting and ending your days on good notes.  Nothing will ruin a good day more than having a frazzled rushed morning, so get into the habit of starting each day by getting up earlier than your kids, taking some time to relax or workout, and getting important daily tasks done.

Good luck!

How to Stop Living in the Urgent

December 5, 2012 in Organizing with 0 Comments

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. ~ Stephen Covey

To change from living a life of urgent to living a life of balance is not easy.  If it were then most of us would already be doing it.  As busy parents we get caught up in the demands of jobs, schedules, and raising kids and before we know it our lives become one urgent mess.  And we eventually end up asking ourselves, “How did it get like this?”

Busy Dad

If you have read any of Stephen Covey’s books, you have probably run across the concept of using a time matrix to help you plan your schedule and focus your life around your priorities rather than planning your priorities around your schedule.  The Time Matrix looks like this and is divided into four quadrants to illustrate how people spend their time.

Quadrant 1: Important and Urgent – These are our most important priorities and should be done the first thing every day and are things we need to make sure we leave time for in our schedules.  They are also those things that happen completely unexpectedly and require immediate attention.  Things like your child falling out of a tree, a flat tire, and as in the case of the diagram, a kitchen fire.

Quadrant 2: Important But Not Urgent – These are the priorities that usually get pushed off because we are spending too much time in Quadrants 3 and 4.  These are the things that if you don’t take care of, the consequences will eventually catch up with us (i.e. not exercising, not spending time with our kids).

Quadrant 3: Not Important But Urgent – These are the things are that are other people’s priorities and the things on other people’s agendas.  They have real value and urgency to our friends, co-workers, and family, but little value or urgency to us.

Quadrant 4: Not Important and Not Urgent – This is where we waste our time.  They have no real value in our lives or help us in any way to live more meaningful lives and they have no sense of urgency.

The key to living a more balanced life is to try and spend as much time living in Quadrants 1 and 2 with the emphasis in Quadrant 2.  How do you move beyond living in the urgent?  It is a question busy parents ask every day and here are some suggestions to help you get started.

Decide to Stop Accepting it as Fact

Other than some professions (i.e. doctors, nurses, police), most of us actually have a lot more control over how we choose to respond to situations and whether or not we give into the urgent or not.  Rather than just accepting this is how life is, try asking yourself these questions instead.  Is this really urgent to me?  How can this be different?  What can I do to change the situation?  What’s the worst that could happen if I don’t respond?  What are my other options?

Know Where You are Going

When you get crystal clear on what you want in life and where you are headed, your ability to know what is important and what is not important gets so much easier.  When confronted with an urgent request, you should ask yourself,” How does this help me get where I want to go?”

Get Better at Anticipating

Anticipating requests, projects, and schedule disruptions is as much about experience as it is about planning.  The reality is that we cannot anticipate everything in life nor should we try, but we can learn to get better at anticipating some things by paying closer attention to the bigger details, taking more time to better understand each other, and using tools to better plan and manage our schedule (i.e. a planning calendar).

Learn to Say No

Sometimes we let the urgent creep into our lives because we don’t like saying no.  Like the time I went out to run one quick errand and came back PTA treasurer….but I will save that story for another time.  To get better at saying no, try taking some time to understand why you are always saying yes and resist the urge to respond immediately to every request.

Map Out Your Schedule

Try getting into the habit of mapping out your schedule each week and ensuring that the majority of your schedule is spent in Quadrants 1 and 2.  Mapping out your schedule is different than just updating your calendar.  It goes beyond appointments and meetings and helps you plan where you actually want to spend your time based on your priorities and goals.

Good luck!

Is Your Kitchen Ready for the Holidays?

November 14, 2012 in Organizing with 0 Comments

The holidays are coming! The holidays are coming! Is your kitchen ready for the “overtime” it’s about to put in? Think about how much time you’ll soon spend in this area prepping, cooking, baking, and entertaining. Before the madness begins dedicate some time to organizing your kitchen.

When working with clients to simplify their kitchens I always implement zones. Zones are simply areas of like items grouped together in a location that best fits their use. Here are some sample areas:

  • Preparation (an area where you have the most counter space to spread out)
  • Mixing bowls, measuring cups/spoons, cutting boards, knife block, etc
  • Cooking
  • Spices, Oils, Cooking Spray, Cooking Utensils, Pots, Pans, Lids, etc.
  • Baking (may be in the same area as cooking depending on your space & needs)
  • Baking ingredients (ie. baking soda, flour, brown sugar), baking pans, muffin tins, etc.
  • Storage (where you wrap up leftovers and make lunches)
  • Tupperware containers, plastic baggies, cling wrap, foil, etc.
  • Serving
  • Plates, bowls, utensils
  • Beverages (best kept near/above the dishwasher – faster to unload & put them away)
  • Glasses, cups, mugs, etc.
  • Entertaining (infrequently used, store down low or up high)
  • Platters, trays, chip/dip dish, ice bucket, etc.
  • Food (divide into areas w/in the pantry or organized in groups w/in cupboards)
  • Breakfast
  • Lunch
  • Snacks
  • Dinner
  • “Extras / Bulk”

Imagine where you naturally gravitate in the kitchen to carry-out these tasks. This is typically where each zone should be set up, with everything for that purpose at your fingertips. Really take time to evaluate where the proper locations of these zones should be. Once in place they will save you time, energy, and stress! You’ll be set for the holidays… and beyond!

Bobbie Friedman is a Professional Organizer, Home Management Consultant, and the owner of Simplified by Bobbie located in Pennsylvania.  She is dedicated to helping individuals and families simplify their lives!  Through personalized organizing services, hands-on help, and knowledgeable guidance she’ll help you establish effective ways to manage your schedule and home; turning CoMpLiCaTeD into Simplified.

Visit www.simplifiedbybobbie.com to learn more, view before & after photos, and read helpful organizing tips.  Contact Bobbie for your FREE phone consultation, and make your space & time work for you

5 Things You Should Start Thinking About Now for the New Year

November 9, 2012 in Family Relationships with 0 Comments

  1. Family Goals – What things does your family want to accomplish together in 2013? Start thinking about this now and begin to ask your family to do the same. Use family meetings, family nights, or dinner time to discuss ideas or answer questions. Setting goals together as a family is a great way to build cohesiveness, strengthen unity, and teach kids personal growth skills. Just make sure they are consistent with your family vision.
  2. Personal Goals – What things do you want to accomplish for YOURSELF in 2013? Remember, goals are different than resolutions. Resolutions don’t work. You should set one or two personal goals that move you closer toward your vision and living the life you want.
  3. Systems – What improvement or changes do you need to make to your life management systems? Your life management systems are the routines and processes you put in place to manage your life. Systems like task management, meal planning, house cleaning, family scheduling, or family finances. Having strong systems is really important because weak systems will distract you from doing the important things in life like living out your vision and building important relationships.
  4. Relationships – What relationships do you want to grow, stop, or improve in 2013? What specific things do you need to do make them better? Are you being the parent you want to be? If not, how can you change? What friendships are working well? What things can you do to continue those friendships?
  5. Fun – What things does your family want to do for fun in 2013? What things have you been meaning to try but never seem to have the time or money for? Start thinking about and discussing these fun activities now, so that you can find ways of fitting them into the budget or your schedule.

Where Are You Going?

October 31, 2012 in Family Relationships with 0 Comments

How to live a life with direction and intention

It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.~ Helen Keller

Feeling a little overwhelmed or unfulfilled?  Everyone does at some point in their life and parents are no different.  One of the main reasons why parents end up feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled is NOT because they have too much to do, but because they have no idea where they are going.  They lack direction, clarity, and sense of purpose.  When parents and their kids take time to get really clear (and honest) on who they are and what they want, they give themselves one of the greatest gifts, the gift of clarity.  It is only when families and parents are truly clear on where they are going that they are able to focus on their priorities and not get sidetracked with distractions.  Here are some tips to help you gain more clarity:

  • Define it.  Take some time to write out the vision of what you want your life to look like and where you want to go.  Be specific.  What things do you want to accomplish? What places do you want to visit? What hobbies do you want to explore?  What career goals do you want to achieve?  What type of person do you want to be remembered as? The goal is to write out in detail what you want from your life and what you want your life to mean.
  • Ditch the vision board.  I have nothing against vision boards.  They are a creative way of expressing your life vision with images, but they don’t force you to own your vision.  Writing out your vision forces you to get specific and think about how you are actually going to achieve it.  Own where you are going by writing it out in detail and look at it daily.
  • I Want to Be Happy Is NOT a Vision.  EVERYONE wants to be happy.  The key to gaining clarity is to identify those things that will make you happy.  And remember, happiness is not the same things as comfortable.  It is really easy to define a vision and live a life that is comfortable.  Living a happy life is much harder.
  • Make a plan.  Your life vision does you no good, if you all you ever do is write it and then never act on it.   Once you have defined where you are going, you need to identify 3 – 5 action steps to help you deliver it.  Specifically, what things are you personally going to do to help you achieve your vision?  Write them down and check your progress weekly.

Remember, when you figure out where you want to go, managing all the distractions will be much easier.

Embrace Your Awesomeness

October 9, 2012 in Parenting with 2 Comments

“Embrace your awesomeness!”  This has become my new mantra lately.  It’s actually an expression I heard in the movie Another Cinderella Movie.  Confident, strong Tami (my favorite character, of course), is trying to get her best friend Mary to see what everyone else see’s, that she is a great and talented dancer.  And in an exasperated frustrated tone, Tami says “embrace your awesomeness.”

Getting our kids to believe in themselves and to stop hiding their awesomeness can be a challenge.  There is incredible pressure on our kids to conform and adhere to the social standards.  This pressure plus the fear of being rejected or embarrassed often holds our kids back from getting involved, expressing themselves authentically, and doing great things.   And leaves us parents frustrated when they pass on great opportunities or find ways of conveniently not getting involved.  Here are some tips to help you help your kids “embrace their awesomeness.”

Embrace Your Own Awesomeness

Are you embracing your awesomeness or are you continually downplaying your strengths, accomplishments, and achievements?  You need to let your kids see you being proud of your accomplishments, taking chances, and being everything YOU were meant to be.  If you are hiding behind excuses, always making safe choices, and downplaying your achievements, you are modeling exactly what you don’t want to let happen to your kids.  So make sure you are walking the talk, or your kids will never embrace their own awesomeness.

Let Them Define It

Your kids need to define their own path.   No matter how much we want them to become a Broadway star or top business executive, we have to let our kids figure out who they are and their own awesomeness.  You can do this by exposing them to different and new opportunities, limiting how much time they spend doing mindless things like watching TV or playing video games, and encouraging them when you see that spark that lights them up.  Remember, kids’ accomplishments always have to be about the kids not the parent.

Make It Safe for Them

Embracing their awesomeness doesn’t have to be done on a public stage.  If your kids are shy or uncomfortable in the spot light, help them find ways of doing what they are good at in a more quiet behind the scenes way.  Or try negotiating up front how long they have to give something a try before giving it up.  Just by knowing ahead of time they are not committed for life to trying something will help make it safe for them and hopefully easier for them to try.  Building up confidence can take time, so give your kids the space and safety of exploring their strengths and talents in a way that works best for them.

Don’t Let Them Off the Hook

Our kids (especially teenagers) would probably prefer we just stop talking about it, but it’s important to not let them off the hook when you see them not living up to their potential.  The trick is finding a way of keeping some pressure on them without it coming out as nagging.  If you continually nag them about it, they will tune you out and probably rebel by doing nothing. So make sure you keep up with things going on in their school and in your community so that when you see an opportunity that may be good for them you can point it out and encourage them to give it a try.

Guiding our kids along the path of self discovery is not easy and we should NEVER do it for them, but as their parents who have watched them grow since birth, we are in a unique position to know our kids better than anyone else.  We need to teach them to listen to themselves, believe in themselves, and if nothing else not be afraid to try.  And they will do the rest.

 

Teaching Kids to Help

October 9, 2012 in Parenting with 0 Comments

Teaching Kids to Help

When are Kids old enough for Chores?

This is a question that many parents want to know the answer to. Getting a little help around the house would be great. So, when are kids old enough?

The short answer is as soon as they can understand what you want them to do. For some, that could be the age of two. For others it could take a bit longer. It depends on what you are asking them to do.

Here are a few guidelines to help you out.

  1. Start out small – It is never too early to get kids in the habit of helping. Offering help and giving it are two traits that can build strong character in your children. At the age of two, they are still toddlers. One chore they can perform: pick up their own toys and place them in a chosen spot.  Not only is this a chore, but it helps them understand logical outcomes.  If I take out all the toys, I am the one who has to put them all away.
  2. Show and tell – To be sure that your child understands what you want them to do, show them first. Pick up a toy and carry it to the toy box. When they can do the same you can move on to something else. You do not want to overload your child.  At a young age kids are more willing to help, they are looking for praise and pride in doing a good job.  If they have a job that they have seen a “big” person do, they tend to see their role as very important.
  3. Give them praise – Show them that you appreciate the work that they are doing. This gives them a sense of importance and approval. They might not finish the job neatly or as you would, but they are doing the best they can.  Be specific with your praise, instead of a “good job” find particular aspects of how they did the job to compliment them on.
  4. Be patient – If your child is a toddler, it could be that they can only handle one chore for a while. As they get used to it, they might be able to handle it without being asked. They will just know, for example, to put their toys away after play with very little prompting.  If they have a different chore that needs reminding, come up with a system to help them remember.  It may be a chart, picture or a specific time of day that it is accomplished.
  5. Build on an existing foundation – If you start out with picking up toys, you can move on to teaching them to make their bed or putting their clothes away in their drawer. By sticking with a theme, it may be easier for your child to catch on.  If you start early on these simple life skills it becomes just a part of their daily tasks and it will not be seen as a ‘chore’.
  6. Give age appropriate tasks – As your child gets older, you can move on to more complicated chores: washing dishes, vacuuming, washing clothes. As they learn new skills from you then it will become more apparent what chores they can handle.

Being part of a family means that everyone needs to contribute to running the household.  When mom doesn’t have to do all the work, there is more time for mom to have fun and enjoy the family.  Instead of mom having to do laundry all afternoon, the entire family can go out for the afternoon since everyone contributed throughout the week doing laundry.

Chores are a part of the learning process between parent and child.  This is one way you put them on the path of learning life skills that will take them into adulthood.

Give them all the encouragement you can – it will come back to you in positive ways!

Susan Heid loves inspiring Christian moms to make small changes managing their home and family life giving them more time, order and less stress! As a Certified Parent Coach and Family Manager Coach she enjoys sharing her expertise with moms through workshops, teleseminars, public speaking, and individual and group coaching.  She is a proud mom, step-mom and foster mom to 3, married to her very own prince charming, loves coffee, cloudy days, and does think the “bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle.”  Her FREE 5 part mini series: “The Opening Act” is helping moms worldwide become the calm mom they want to be!

Handling Job Promotions as a Working Mom

September 11, 2012 in Family Relationships with 0 Comments

Handling Job Promotions as a Working Mom

To climb or not to climb — that is the question for many working moms when it comes to the corporate ladder. Job promotions impact the entire family and should be carefully considered before accepting in order to ensure the transition is a positive one for everyone involved. Here are some tips to consider:

Before Accepting a Job Promotion….

Ask yourself lots of questions! First and foremost, ask yourself whether this job promotion will put you closer to where you want to be in your career in five years. What are your motivations behind accepting this promotion? Be sure that you aren’t accepting a promotion for the sole sake of a raise when you know you will not enjoy the work. I know financial times are hard, but it is most important to be happy at your job!

Ask your employer lots of questions! What are the expectations associated with this position? Are the hours fixed throughout the year or do they vary by season/workload? If there are certain obligations you have at home, be sure to discuss these up front with your potential manager to avoid unmet expectations. Also, take time to evaluate how a new position will affect your family. Will the new position require lots of travel or even relocation? It is much easier to objectively determine this earlier in the process than waiting until after accepting the promotion.

After Accepting a Job Promotion….

Allow yourself time to adjust. A new position sometimes brings an overload of new information to learn. Give yourself time and grace to adjust to your new position and to learn the new information. Talk to your co-workers and learn from their experiences. Take lots of notes when you are instructed on a new task so that you can review them later. Try not to stress and worry, the adjustment will happen!

Allow yourself time to rest. For me, a job promotion brings added responsibility and stress to my already full plate. Without adequate time to rest, I start to become impatient with my family, frustrated with myself, and anxious about my work performance. It is crucial that we each take time to breathe…. Read a book, watch a movie, or play games with your children. Make time to whatever activity that refreshes your spirit.

… and most of all “Never get too busy making a living that you forget to make a life” (author unknown).

Melanie writes at “Only A Breath” about life as a small-town, southern, girly-girl mommy of two rough and rowdy little boys. She is so thankful for a wonderful, hard-working husband who makes her laugh and is a wonderful daddy. She works full-time as an industrial software developer (“computer geek”) and offers practical tips and encouragement for moms who work outside the home. Her heart’s desire is to encourage others to celebrate life and cherish each breath of this journey.

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